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Glass

Masturbation: Sex or Not?

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James121
2 hours ago, Glass said:

But may I then ask, do you consider people with a desire to masturbate but no desire to have partnered sex asexual?

Probably yes. I think asexuality is in many cases a lack of desire for partnered sex.

 

2 hours ago, Glass said:

do you think that someone who enjoys masturbation should be referred to with a different term than "asexual" (while still being in the same conceptual vicinity)? (If there wasn't so many negative connotations, I'd suggest "narcissist.")

 

Again, it’s very possible that someone who masturbates as a preference to partnered sex may well have narcissistic traits but, I don’t think that’s typically the reason why people do it. I think there’s plenty of people who choose sex on their own because they are sexually dysfunctional/inadequate or at least feel sexually dysfunctional/inadequate.

Perhaps for physical reasons or emotional...I don’t know.

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Glass
19 hours ago, James121 said:

Again, it’s very possible that someone who masturbates as a preference to partnered sex may well have narcissistic traits but, I don’t think that’s typically the reason why people do it. I think there’s plenty of people who choose sex on their own because they are sexually dysfunctional/inadequate or at least feel sexually dysfunctional/inadequate.

Perhaps for physical reasons or emotional...I don’t know.

Right, I didn't mean to imply that asexuals who masturbate fit the current definition of narcissist, but rather that the Narcissus myth is a lovely early story of an asexual/aromantic: someone who finds the meaning that many search for in other people in himself.

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Finn.

I personally see masturbation as the only kind of sex I desire to have. Generally speaking, both seem to be considered very distinct categories though and that's also fine.

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will123
16 minutes ago, Finn. said:

I personally see masturbation as the only kind of sex I desire to have.

In my case it is the only kind I could 'deal' with. Involving another person is a non-starter for me.

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Nowhere Girl
On 24.04.2018 at 6:40 AM, Glass said:

But may I then ask, do you consider people with a desire to masturbate but no desire to have partnered sex asexual? Or, do you think that someone who enjoys masturbation should be referred to with a different term than "asexual" (while still being in the same conceptual vicinity)? (If there wasn't so many negative connotations, I'd suggest "narcissist.")

 

 

Why should it have anything to do with narcissism? I don't have sexual attraction to myself. I don't love my body, my feelings towards my forever ill body are best described as "anger". I never look at myself when I'm naked. If I pleasure myself, it's because I want the sensations, not because I desire contact with my body (and actually, I prefer doing it in a way which doesn't involve touching physiological fluids or even can be done through clothes).

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Homer
On 24.4.2018 at 6:40 AM, Glass said:

(If there wasn't so many negative connotations, I'd suggest "narcissist.")

Even if there weren't any negative connotations - why do you think that "narcissist" is an accurate description?

 

As to the original question - no, it's not and I don't know how that's even debatable.

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Carson:)

I don't think masturbation is sex.

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pma01

Masturbation is solosex. I don’t have partnered sex. Masturbation to me is a big part of my sex life

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Glass
4 hours ago, Homer said:

Even if there weren't any negative connotations - why do you think that "narcissist" is an accurate description?

In the Greek myth, Narcissus falls in love with himself after seeing himself in a reflection. In masturbation, the love that is typically shared between two people having sex is instead turned back on oneself. (Of course, you can masturbate without love. But you can have sex without love, too...) I like the imagery because it avoids the negative view of people only masturbating when they can't get other people to have sex with them.

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Homer
22 minutes ago, Glass said:

In the Greek myth, Narcissus falls in love with himself after seeing himself in a reflection. In masturbation, the love that is typically shared between two people having sex is instead turned back on oneself. (Of course, you can masturbate without love. But you can have sex without love, too...) I like the imagery because it avoids the negative view of people only masturbating when they can't get other people to have sex with them.

I think it's quite a leap from "falling in love with oneself after seeing your own reflection" to "taking care of a bodily function". I can see the angle you're looking at this from, but I'm not convinced by the idea.

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Glass
8 minutes ago, Homer said:

I think it's quite a leap from "falling in love with oneself after seeing your own reflection" to "taking care of a bodily function". I can see the angle you're looking at this from, but I'm not convinced by the idea.

I think it depends on the attitude with which you approach masturbation: I've certainly done the "bodily function" thing, but I get more out of it if I act as if I'm pleasing someone I love (which, actually, I am).

 

But I'm not advocating it as a general label for asexuals who masturbate, but rather for those who take pleasure in the act, and who make it a part of their single lives the way couple make time for sex. I also just like the poetic nature of the term. :) But I'm not hung up on the term itself, but rather what it's referring to: I did not think that I could be asexual for a long time simply because I enjoy masturbating.

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James121
9 hours ago, Carson:) said:

I don't think masturbation is sex.

For what reason?

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James121
8 hours ago, pma01 said:

Masturbation is solosex. I don’t have partnered sex. Masturbation to me is a big part of my sex life

Bingo

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Nowhere Girl
3 hours ago, James121 said:

For what reason?

Because not every sexual activity is sex.

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James121
1 hour ago, Nowhere Girl said:

Because not every sexual activity is sex.

That’s a fair point. Not necessarily sex but definitely a sexual act.

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Homer
6 minutes ago, James121 said:

That’s a fair point. Not necessarily sex but definitely a sexual act.

That's a key difference though...

 

I do have a libido, but I'd never say that this makes me "have a sex life". At the end of the day, "sex" (the activity) is short for "sexual intercourse", which requires multiple people by definition.

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James121
2 minutes ago, Homer said:

That's a key difference though...

 

I do have a libido, but I'd never say that this makes me "have a sex life". At the end of the day, "sex" (the activity) is short for "sexual intercourse", which requires multiple people by definition.

To reach the technical definition of sexual intercourse yes I agree.

But masturbation is still fuelled by libido and masturbation is the simulation of having sexual intercourse.

 

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Nowhere Girl
4 hours ago, James121 said:

That’s a fair point. Not necessarily sex but definitely a sexual act.

I've never argued that. I agree that self-pleasuring is a sexual activity, but I don't agree that it is a form of "having sex".

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Someone Else

I don't really masturbate but I think it's different from sex.  If I did have sex, it would either be out of curiosity, or for the romantic intimacy, or to please a partner... if I were to masturbate, it would be just to "scratch an itch," so for me I don't see them as the same thing.  

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6_5by6
On ‎3‎/‎30‎/‎2018 at 12:50 AM, Glass said:

So, I'm asking this because it's at the heart of whether I should consider myself asexual or not:

 

Is masturbation sex? Or, is some masturbation sex and some not? Such as: if you are using porn/fantasizing about other people, does that tip it into the "sex" category, as opposed to pure manual stimulation? Does it depend on how you approach the act, for example enjoying your own caresses in the manner that allosexual people enjoy the caresses of their lovers?

 

Or, alternately, does sex (in the context of determining a place on the allo-to-a spectrum) require another person?

It might be better recognized by using a full terminology: Sexual relations. I can not misunderstand relating sexually. Either would be communicating with words in a relationship.

However, masturbation means having sex stimulations by ones own self: selfsex.  Now relating to ones self sexually can be part of Sexual relations. I think masturbation is a form of sex and having to do with ones self. I like masturbation. I think everyone in this forum will admit that they like to masturbate.

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will123

I heard on the radio today that May is International Masturbation Month. Also, the 28th is International (or National) Masturbation Day. According to Wiki' In the UK and Australia it is known as Wankers Day.

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will123

I think it's something that is up to each individual's opinion. If it is sex, would a person who has masturbated be considered a non-virgin?

 

Also, this is just hypothetical, but bear with me. A male asexual masturbates, but has no interest in having a partner. Then you can have a sexual male that enjoys having his partner give him a hand job, but wouldn't think of jerking off.

 

I don't think it really matters whether it is sex or not. Like I said in another thread about the subject, if it feels good, do it.

 

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Glass
2 hours ago, will123 said:

I heard on the radio today that May is International Masturbation Month. Also, the 28th is International (or National) Masturbation Day. According to Wiki' In the UK and Australia it is known as Wankers Day.

So it's true: we DO live in the best of all possible worlds.

 

23 minutes ago, will123 said:

I think it's something that is up to each individual's opinion. If it is sex, would a person who has masturbated be considered a non-virgin?

 

Also, this is just hypothetical, but bear with me. A male asexual masturbates, but has no interest in having a partner. Then you can have a sexual male that enjoys having his partner give him a hand job, but would think of jerking off.

 

I don't think it really matters whether it is sex or not. Like I said in another thread about the subject, if it feels good, do it.

 

You know, I think you're getting at the difference between labels we use to communicate things about ourselves to other people, and concepts that we use to understand ourselves better. I have masturbated in ways that felt like taking care of a bodily function, but I've also done it in ways that felt like I was making love to myself. This was a mental road block to thinking of myself as asexual for a long time. But, I'm not interested in sex with other people, so I think that "asexual" communicates more relevant information about me than "homosexual."

 

Thank you for this reply: talking through all these things with everyone here has been incredibly helpful, and I appreciate you taking the time!

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Glass
12 hours ago, 6_5by6 said:

I think everyone in this forum will admit that they like to masturbate.

I'm pretty sure that this isn't the case. Check out this thread: 

 

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will123
2 hours ago, Glass said:

I'm pretty sure that this isn't the case. Check out this thread: 

 

@Glass I'm glad you postrd that link. I was going to mention something like that. Lots of folks have posted that either they don't masturbate or not thrilled when the do (for various reasons).

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Jusey1

Masturbation is a form of self-pleasure and/or stress relief. Nothing more.

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Artsy Anvil

I wouldn’t consider masturbation to be sex, but rather a sexual activity. Typically, people who masturbate get sexually aroused and sexually please themselves. So, to me, it wouldn’t fall into the sex category, since that usually involves two or more people, and those people doing sexual acts with one another. Masturbation is more of a solo act that doesn’t fall into that category, but, just something kinda similar to it. But, at the same time masturbation can just be a stress-reliever or something people do to pass by time. And, the same can be said for sex. So things get confusing.

Edited by Artisan_Anlimor
Original phrasing can be seen as offensive and judgemental.
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Nowhere Girl
3 hours ago, Artisan_Anlimor said:

and involving actually intercourse and penetration

Why? Lesbian sex very often doesn't include putting anything inside, but it's very condescending to judge it as "not real sex"...

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Artsy Anvil
15 minutes ago, Nowhere Girl said:

Why? Lesbian sex very often doesn't include putting anything inside, but it's very condescending to judge it as "not real sex"...

Oh, I didn’t think of that. I’m sorry. I’ll edit my response, because I don’t want to judge or offend anyone. Sorry about that. Apologies to everyone.

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King Chan

Sex has such a vast definition that it's kind of hard to ask weather something is sex or not. I don't consider masturbation sex but if it's mutual masturbation (aka masturbating someone or masturbating WITH someone else) then that's sex to me. 

Regardless as to weather it's sex or not, if you don't feel sexual attraction you're asexual. You can be asexual and like masturbation and sex stuff!  

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