Love Language

[purpleandgreylife]

When it comes to my ideal relationship, the main necessities are the ability to make time to spend sharing common activities, especially reciprocal conversations and a strong sensual (not sexual, but physical touch) component.

 

I took the 5 Love Languages Quiz, which tells how people communicate their love and affections as well as receive love and affection in a relationship (of any kind) . My primary love language was Quality Time, and my secondary love language was Physical Touch. I was surprised when my third love language (by only one point) was Words of Affirmation, though it does make sense.

 

My love languages correlated directly to my ideal relationship and I wanted to see if this was true for anyone else.

 

So, what are your love languages?

[OmegaTheMetamorphicDreamer]

Primary Language: Quality Time

Secondary Language: Acts of Service

Tertiary Language: Receiving Gifts

          (Words of Affirmation have little affect on me, and Physical Touch almost always feels uncomfortable to me.)

Ideal Relationships: Both a platonic and a romantic partnership without physical contact, spending quality time together, and doing nice things for each other.

[Grumpy Alien]

10	Acts of Service
9	Receiving Gifts
7	Words of Affirmation
3	Quality Time
1	Physical Touch

 

Skewed slightly by the fact that my partner does tend to get me incredible little gifts. I don’t expect them, they’re just really nice.

[RoseGoesToYale]

11 Quality Time

9 Physical Touch

6 Words of Affirmation

2 Acts of Service

2 Receiving Gifts

[Sea Lemon]

Acts of Service was my top one, then Words of Affirmation, then Physical Touch.

 

My ideal relationship would be platonic (or maybe romantic) with a bit of physical contact, and I think it'd be nice if it involved getting each other small gifts occasionally, as well as doing nice things, talking, and quality time. 

[iff]

my top was quality time, followed by acts of service with third being words of affirmation

[Mae 🌼]

Based off of platonic friendship

 

11 Quality Time

8 Words of Affirmation

7 Acts of Service

4 Receiving Gifts

0 Physical Touch

 

I have no ideal relationship since I'm not interested in that

[Haze.]

Physical touch, quality time, n/a. (I don’t like any of the other three love languages. Gifts and service usually make me feel guilty, or they’re just obligatory. I hate words of affirmation, unless it’s along the lines of ‘I love you.’) 

 

Then I chose:

•platonic with physical

•romantic with physical

(I don’t have a preference)

•talking to each other about anything

•quality time together

[Fantastic Name]

I find these results hilarious. I'm touch averse, and yet I got... this.

 

11 Quality Time

6 Physical Touch

5 Acts of Service

4 Receiving Gifts

4 Words of Affirmation

[purpleandgreylife]

1 hour ago, Fantastic Name said:

I find these results hilarious. I'm touch averse, and yet I got... this.

 

11 Quality Time

6 Physical Touch

5 Acts of Service

4 Receiving Gifts

4 Words of Affirmation

@Fantastic Name That is interesting. Are you uncomfortable with giving and receiving psychical touch?

[purpleandgreylife]

21 hours ago, Hazel_Elise said:

Physical touch, quality time, n/a. (I don’t like any of the other three love languages. Gifts and service usually make me feel guilty, or they’re just obligatory. I hate words of affirmation, unless it’s along the lines of ‘I love you.’) 

 

Then I chose:

•platonic with physical

•romantic with physical

(I don’t have a preference)

•talking to each other about anything

•quality time together

@Hazel_Elise I understand. Gifts and services for me though, can be nice every once in a while. For example, I like to send Valentines Day Cards, and other holiday cards. Though it's not necessarily a gift, it makes me feel good to give it and to know that the other person can feel good receiving it. But otherwise, being showered with gifts from a relationship partner isn't necessary, I would take the quality time and physical touch over the gifts. I would also feel pressured if it were expected for me to give gifts in the same way to my partner. That would make me question their incentive - did you give me this with the expectation of getting something back or did you just see something that made you think of me and got it for me?

[purpleandgreylife]

On 4/2/2018 at 6:45 AM, Mae__ said:

Based off of platonic friendship

 

11 Quality Time

8 Words of Affirmation

7 Acts of Service

4 Receiving Gifts

0 Physical Touch

 

I have no ideal relationship since I'm not interested in that

@Mae__ When I say relationship, I don't necessarily mean romantic relationship, that's why I didn't list romantic or platonic as relationship types, because I know everyone is looking for different things - if anything at all. I was meaning to include platonic friendships, QPRs, Romantic relationship, being single but spending time with friends, etc, based on the posts that I've read over the years of what peoples ideal relationships entail. That's why I only listed attributes on that question. I guess what I really meant by that question was, what is the way you are or would be most comfortable relating to people that you trust. For you, a platonic friendship is either what you have or what you are seeking and I consider that a relationship. To me, there is no relationship hierarchy (sexual relationships are not better, deeper or more committed than a platonic friendship, for example) it's the way people relate to one another. I hope this makes sense, please let me know if it doesn't.

[purpleandgreylife]

On 4/2/2018 at 5:28 AM, iff said:

my top was quality time, followed by acts of service with third being words of affirmation

 

@iff Do you think these results are accurate for you and the way you relate to the people you are close to in your life? As I mentioned to @Mae__ that's really what I was trying to get to with the "relationship" question.

[purpleandgreylife]

On 3/29/2018 at 6:13 PM, sea-lemon said:

Acts of Service was my top one, then Words of Affirmation, then Physical Touch.

 

My ideal relationship would be platonic (or maybe romantic) with a bit of physical contact, and I think it'd be nice if it involved getting each other small gifts occasionally, as well as doing nice things, talking, and quality time. 

@sea-lemon That's pretty much how I am. Except that I got quality time, then physical touch, then words of affirmation. For me, spending quality time together is huge and words of affirmation are important, but it must go both ways. I don't want to feel like a motivational speaker in my relationship. I want to receive Words of Affirmation and not just be constantly giving them (been there, I was not satisfied to the point that I didn't even want to talk to the person anymore).

[purpleandgreylife]

On 3/29/2018 at 5:50 PM, RoseGoesToYale said:

11 Quality Time

9 Physical Touch

6 Words of Affirmation

2 Acts of Service

2 Receiving Gifts

@RoseGoesToYale I got the same thing! Do you think this accurately reflects you? If so, are you able to connect with people that you can share your love language with?

[purpleandgreylife]

On 3/29/2018 at 5:15 PM, Graceful said:

10	Acts of Service
9	Receiving Gifts
7	Words of Affirmation
3	Quality Time
1	Physical Touch

 

Skewed slightly by the fact that my partner does tend to get me incredible little gifts. I don’t expect them, they’re just really nice.

@Graceful That's interesting. Do you think your score would be different if you were single? How? Hypothetically of course, I'm glad you have a relationship that (I presume) works well for you :-)

[purpleandgreylife]

On 3/29/2018 at 4:02 PM, Omega the Shadow said:

Primary Language: Quality Time

Secondary Language: Acts of Service

Tertiary Language: Receiving Gifts

          (Words of Affirmation have little affect on me, and Physical Touch almost always feels uncomfortable to me.)

Ideal Relationships: Both a platonic and a romantic partnership without physical contact, spending quality time together, and doing nice things for each other.

@Omega the Shadow  Your ideal relationship sounds really nice!  To clarify (for me) are you saying you would have a platonic and romantic partner at the same time or that you are open to the idea of both relationships types?

[Grumpy Alien]

36 minutes ago, purpleandgreylife said:

@Graceful That's interesting. Do you think your score would be different if you were single? How? Hypothetically of course, I'm glad you have a relationship that (I presume) works well for you :-)

Probably. I’m not sure how exactly. Gifts would be bumped down a bit.

[RoseGoesToYale]

2 hours ago, purpleandgreylife said:

@RoseGoesToYale I got the same thing! Do you think this accurately reflects you? If so, are you able to connect with people that you can share your love language with?

Yeah, it's pretty spot-on. I usually know someone loves me if they stick around. Though I don't really even need any words of affirmation at all, just spending time is enough. Unfortunately, I'm still touch-starved and everyone my age just wants to text or be on social media. 

[iff]

4 hours ago, purpleandgreylife said:

 

@iff Do you think these results are accurate for you and the way you relate to the people you are close to in your life? As I mentioned to @Mae__ that's really what I was trying to get to with the "relationship" question.

I think so. The last two being touch and gifts, i'm not really fond of.

 

As my top one, quality time, If I like someone, I think it does represent it. I also think that I'd prefer a  partner to help with things rather than affirmation of love. 

[purpleandgreylife]

49 minutes ago, iff said:

I think so. The last two being touch and gifts, i'm not really fond of.

 

As my top one, quality time, If I like someone, I think it does represent it. I also think that I'd prefer a  partner to help with things rather than affirmation of love. 

@iff I understand. I'm really big on quality time as well.

[purpleandgreylife]

2 hours ago, RoseGoesToYale said:

Yeah, it's pretty spot-on. I usually know someone loves me if they stick around. Though I don't really even need any words of affirmation at all, just spending time is enough. Unfortunately, I'm still touch-starved and everyone my age just wants to text or be on social media. 

@RoseGoesToYale I'm kinda the same way. Quality time is huge for me. I think not just quality time spent together, but knowing that the other person is taking the time to make plans to do something we will both enjoy, considering my wants as well as theirs and wanting to spend the quality time with me, not just showing up when I spend time planning something in detail with no contribution other than showing up (which has happened in the past).

 

I completely agree about texting and social media. Even going places that used to be social hubs are counterproductive. Many coffee shops are full of people on laptops or phones, bookstores are being pushed out by online ordering and even malls aren't a popular place to gather anymore, because people can order stuff online. I feel like technology is to the point that people can pretty much stay inside and do everything -  have food/groceries delivered, pay bills online, watch movies, buy music, etc. People just aren't out much, which makes it hard to meet new people other than online. 

[J. van Deijck]

Your Scores:

9 Quality Time

7 Acts of Service

7 Words of Affirmation

6 Physical Touch

1 Receiving Gifts

 

sounds true.

 

I guess communication and spending time together are the most important to me. my bf likes to give me gifts, and I enjoy and appreciate them, but it's definitely the least important thing for me. the connection of souls is what I value the most. 

[purpleandgreylife]

1 hour ago, [noize:injekktion] said:

Your Scores:

9 Quality Time

7 Acts of Service

7 Words of Affirmation

6 Physical Touch

1 Receiving Gifts

 

sounds true.

 

I guess communication and spending time together are the most important to me. my bf likes to give me gifts, and I enjoy and appreciate them, but it's definitely the least important thing for me. the connection of souls is what I value the most. 

@[noize:injekktion] I completely agree! It's challenging for anyone to find someone who understands them and accepts them fully, so it's all the more precious when it is found. I don't think any love language can be spoken without that connection.

[Stained Glass]

10	Quality Time
8	Words of Affirmation
6	Physical Touch
5	Acts of Service
1	Receiving Gifts     I don't need too much, but doing fun things together is affirmation in itself for me

[Sage Raven Domino]

Acts of Service 10

Words of Affirmation 9

Quality Time 8

Receiving Gifts 3

Physical Touch 0

 

These results correlate well with my laziness 

 

As for an ideal relationship, I ticked 'Happily single, spending time with close friends every now and then', 'Doing nice things for each other' and 'Spending quality time together', but that's if someone suddenly befriends me charitably; being my close friend is a torture that no one can stand, so in reality, I'll remain happily single by myself 

[LadyFie]

I got:

9 Acts of Service

6 Quality Time

6 Words of Affirmation

5 Receiving Gifts

4 Physical Touch

 

I'm a little ashamed of the "Acts of Service" one because I know I LOVE people doing things for me, but I don't really like to do things for other people myself (the same for receiving and giving gifts)...

Quality Time and Words of Affirmation are really important to me, I'm not a very active person, so I just like to hang out and talk with my boyfriend. Also, I'm not surprised by the low Physical Affection score, I've never been a very touchy person, although I sometimes like to hug or cuddle.

 

For my ideal relationship I checked:

- Romantic partnership with physical contact (a little sexual contact is ok, but I don't really need it)

- Surprising each other with gifts "just because" (problem is I like receiving gifts more than giving)

- Doing nice things for each other

- Talking to each other about anything (that is by far the most important one for me)

- Spending quality time together

[purpleandgreylife]

9 hours ago, LadyFie said:

I got:

9 Acts of Service

6 Quality Time

6 Words of Affirmation

5 Receiving Gifts

4 Physical Touch

 

I'm a little ashamed of the "Acts of Service" one because I know I LOVE people doing things for me, but I don't really like to do things for other people myself (the same for receiving and giving gifts)...

That is an interesting point you bring you bring up and I know what you mean. I looked over the instructions for the quiz, and it didn't really specify if these love languages were ones that you spoke to a relationship partner, that you preferred to be spoken to you or both, so that's not really clear. I mentioned earlier that as long as the gifts are meaningful and there is no expectation associated with them, I like to receive gifts, but sometimes I don't like to give them. Sometimes I love to give small, personal gifts to friends and would probably do it occasionally in a QPR type relationship.

 

9 hours ago, LadyFie said:

Quality Time and Words of Affirmation are really important to me, I'm not a very active person, so I just like to hang out and talk with my boyfriend. Also, I'm not surprised by the low Physical Affection score, I've never been a very touchy person, although I sometimes like to hug or cuddle.

I agree. Quality time is huge for me. No matter what type of relationship I was in (romantic, platonic, sensual, some other combination), I would be assured that my partner cared for me when they took the time to spend time with me, especially if they chose to do something that I would enjoy and not just the things that they like (which is fine but not all the time - I'd want to be sure my interests were being considered.

 

I can be a really touchy person but not with everyone - it has to be someone I know and trust. I would want a sensual relationship because I would want to have hugs, cuddles and maybe some closed mouth kissing (like on the cheek or forehead).

 

9 hours ago, LadyFie said:

For my ideal relationship I checked:

- Romantic partnership with physical contact (a little sexual contact is ok, but I don't really need it)

- Surprising each other with gifts "just because" (problem is I like receiving gifts more than giving)

- Doing nice things for each other

- Talking to each other about anything (that is by far the most important one for me)

- Spending quality time together

If you don't mind me asking (and if you do, please feel free not to answer): since you are currently in a relationship, would you say your current relationship matches up with what you indicated your ideal relationship to be?

[LadyFie]

On 18.4.2018 at 8:38 PM, purpleandgreylife said:

If you don't mind me asking (and if you do, please feel free not to answer): since you are currently in a relationship, would you say your current relationship matches up with what you indicated your ideal relationship to be?

My ideal relationship would probably contain less sex (my boyfriend is quite a sexual person). But we are both willing to compromise, and he definitely respects that I don't really have the same needs regarding physical intimacy as he does. It probably helped that I never lied to him about it; as soon as I understood that this is just the way I am, I told him, suggesting he should probably look for someone else, if he felt like it would be too big of a problem for him (and telling him that I wouldn't be mad). He thought about it and decided he wanted to stay with me because he loved me.

Apart from that, my relationship is pretty close to being perfect. My boyfriend is very caring and understanding, he is often the one to make sacrifices for me, and, most importantly: he is my best friend. He is the first person I talk to about problems, things that make me happy or just anything that comes to my mind. There are few things we don't know about each other.

[WobblyWallaby]

10 Words of affirmation

9 Quality Time

5 Acts of Service

3 Physical Touch

3 Receiving gifts