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Asexu-whale

How to explain asexuality?

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Asexu-whale

Ok so I'm curious how other ace people explain asexuality to a sexual friend and how to make them understand in the easiest way possible. Does anyone have any cool ways to sum it up ^^

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Claire1983

There are some good food related metaphors in the FAQ.  I was trying to think of one with wine.  Not sure it's quite there, but something alone the lines of.

 

"Some people drink red, some people drink white.  Some drink both.  Then some people don't like wine.  Some just have no interest in it at all.  Some don't like drinking it, but still appreciate other aspects like the color, the smell, a well designed label or the fermentation process.  Some people don't really have an interest or desire to drink it but might go wine tasting if they're in a relationship because their partner wants to."

 

This is one I'm working on to explain it to my parents.

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Planet Ace

"Think of someone that you aren't sexually attracted to in the slightest. Now, try to imagine having sex with that person, or even wanting to have sex with them. Gross, right? Or neutral, at best. That feeling you have is how I feel about having sex . . . with anyone. It's just not my thing, I'm not into anyone that way. I don't need or want sex with other people, regardless of gender."

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StupidDream

That's not a bad metaphor Claire!...

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Curi
40 minutes ago, Claire1983 said:

There are some good food related metaphors in the FAQ.  I was trying to think of one with wine.  Not sure it's quite there, but something alone the lines of.

 

"Some people drink red, some people drink white.  Some drink both.  Then some people don't like wine.  Some just have no interest in it at all.  Some don't like drinking it, but still appreciate other aspects like the color, the smell, a well designed label or the fermentation process.  Some people don't really have an interest or desire to drink it but might go wine tasting if they're in a relationship because their partner wants to."

 

This is one I'm working on to explain it to my parents.

^^^

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Claire1983
37 minutes ago, Planet Ace said:

"Think of someone that you aren't sexually attracted to in the slightest. Now, try to imagine having sex with that person, or even wanting to have sex with them. Gross, right? Or neutral, at best. That feeling you have is how I feel about having sex . . . with anyone. It's just not my thing, I'm not into anyone that way. I don't need or want sex with other people, regardless of gender."

This is a good one!

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MichaelTannock

I haven't used any metaphors when explaining Asexuality, but I would say that sexual desire comes during Puberty, and that didn't happen for me when I went through puberty.

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Telecaster68

Do some people not understand 'heterosexuals are attracted to the opposite sex, homosexuals to the same sex, and asexuals to neither'? Maybe it's me, but the language ('hetero' means 'different', 'homo' means 'same', and 'a' means 'doesn't apply') makes it really clear...

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Claire1983
3 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Do some people not understand 'heterosexuals are attracted to the opposite sex, homosexuals to the same sex, and asexuals to neither'? Maybe it's me, but the language ('hetero' means 'different', 'homo' means 'same', and 'a' means 'doesn't apply') makes it really clear...

Some people really don't.  Also some people aren't terribly comfortable talking about sex so comparisons make it less awkward.

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Telecaster68

Fair enough. Never had to do it myself obviously and the circles I move in are generally pretty queer-friendly so I can forget some people really have an issue with anything not entirely straight.

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Claire1983
8 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Fair enough. Never had to do it myself obviously and the circles I move in are generally pretty queer-friendly so I can forget some people really have an issue with anything not entirely straight.

Yeah, most of my friends will understand but when I have to explain it to my parents I may need metaphors.

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MichaelTannock

In my case, I don't think even metaphors will work when discussing Asexuality with my family, so I'm not coming out to my family.

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Asexu-whale

 

18 minutes ago, MichaelTannock said:

In my case, I don't think even metaphors will work when discussing Asexuality with my family, so I'm not coming out to my family.

Aw, is it because you don't think they will understand? I told my family when they kept bugging me about buying things like condoms and that they want a grandchild and they mostly got it after a few questions. My friends are just really interested about how it feels to be asexual and i can never work out a good way to explain it.

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Asexu-whale
29 minutes ago, Claire1983 said:

Yeah, most of my friends will understand but when I have to explain it to my parents I may need metaphors.

For me it was kinda the opposite. My friends were very interested as they have never known an asexual person and i just wanted to do the word justice and not make it sound like a fake "attention" thing as it only effects i think 1% of the population so it is hard to come by.

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Asexu-whale
47 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Do some people not understand 'heterosexuals are attracted to the opposite sex, homosexuals to the same sex, and asexuals to neither'? Maybe it's me, but the language ('hetero' means 'different', 'homo' means 'same', and 'a' means 'doesn't apply') makes it really clear...

I wish it was that simple

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Asexu-whale
1 hour ago, MichaelTannock said:

I haven't used any metaphors when explaining Asexuality, but I would say that sexual desire comes during Puberty, and that didn't happen for me when I went through puberty.

That's a good way to say it because everyone goes through puberty, thanks ^^

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Asexu-whale
2 hours ago, Claire1983 said:

There are some good food related metaphors in the FAQ.  I was trying to think of one with wine.  Not sure it's quite there, but something alone the lines of.

 

"Some people drink red, some people drink white.  Some drink both.  Then some people don't like wine.  Some just have no interest in it at all.  Some don't like drinking it, but still appreciate other aspects like the color, the smell, a well designed label or the fermentation process.  Some people don't really have an interest or desire to drink it but might go wine tasting if they're in a relationship because their partner wants to."

 

This is one I'm working on to explain it to my parents.

This is the best metaphor ever!

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MichaelTannock
7 minutes ago, Asexu-whale said:

Aw, is it because you don't think they will understand? I told my family when they kept bugging me about buying things like condoms and that they want a grandchild and they mostly got it after a few questions. My friends are just really interested about how it feels to be asexual and i can never work out a good way to explain it.

My family are very conservative, to the point where they scoff at the LGBT+ community, so I know they wouldn't try to understand.

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Asexu-whale
2 hours ago, Planet Ace said:

"Think of someone that you aren't sexually attracted to in the slightest. Now, try to imagine having sex with that person, or even wanting to have sex with them. Gross, right? Or neutral, at best. That feeling you have is how I feel about having sex . . . with anyone. It's just not my thing, I'm not into anyone that way. I don't need or want sex with other people, regardless of gender."

That's cool, yeah suggesting the feeling is like a hetro person having sex with their own gender, that they might enjoy it they just don't desire it, i think that's a good way to think of it thanks!

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Claire1983
1 minute ago, Asexu-whale said:

This is the best metaphor ever!

Thanks!  For me this kind of helps introduce the ideas of attraction too, since I'll have to explain that as well.  I'm pretty sure I'm asexual, but I definitely have some sort of romantic orientation as well so I need to explain that I might still date, just don't expect grandkids.

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Asexu-whale
5 minutes ago, Claire1983 said:

Thanks!  For me this kind of helps introduce the ideas of attraction too, since I'll have to explain that as well.  I'm pretty sure I'm asexual, but I definitely have some sort of romantic orientation as well so I need to explain that I might still date, just don't expect grandkids.

Yeah, and that's the cool thing, some asexuals are the most romantic beings you will meet because that's what they put all their love into ^^ and when it comes to grandkids i have no problem in adopting so they shouldn't worry hehe.

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Fantastic Name

From my own experience, "I'm not attracted to people" seems to get the point across pretty well. If they ask any questions, you can always elaborate.

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Asexu-whale
1 hour ago, MichaelTannock said:

My family are very conservative, to the point where they scoff at the LGBT+ community, so I know they wouldn't try to understand.

That's really sad to hear! I hope in this fast changing world they will slowly start excepting you and the community. I don't want to pry but are you homosexual or hetrosexual or queer etc? I tend to find being ace is more excepted than who you are attracted to but they are two different ball games. 

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MichaelTannock
4 minutes ago, Asexu-whale said:

That's really sad to hear! I hope in this fast changing world they will slowly start excepting you and the community. I don't want to pry but are you homosexual or hetrosexual or queer etc? I tend to find being ace is more excepted than who you are attracted to but they are two different ball games. 

I'm Asexual and Aromantic.
I probably should have come out to my mum when she was still alive (she died six years ago) because she was worried about my lack of an apparent orientation.

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Sally

"I'm not interested in having sex with anyone."   You don't really owe anyone any more details.  

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Asexu-whale
4 minutes ago, MichaelTannock said:

I'm Asexual and Aromantic.
I probably should have come out to my mum when she was still alive (she died six years ago) because she was worried about my lack of an apparent orientation.

That's her job too worry ^^ But its ok if you weren't ready, there's no point saying what if this what if because you need to do it for you and to be perfectly honest lots of people know they just wait for you to day it first ^^

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WeasleyIsOurKing

For me, I just tell people "Say you're at the playground, and the only things that are there are some swings, and some slides. Some people would rather swing on the swings, some on the slides, some maybe want to play on both, and some just don't want to come to the playground at all." 

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Claire1983
3 hours ago, Sally said:

"I'm not interested in having sex with anyone."   You don't really owe anyone any more details.  

Fair point, but I think it's not a matter of owing someone details so much as wanting their understanding.

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Philip027
Quote

Do some people not understand 'heterosexuals are attracted to the opposite sex, homosexuals to the same sex, and asexuals to neither'? Maybe it's me, but the language ('hetero' means 'different', 'homo' means 'same', and 'a' means 'doesn't apply') makes it really clear...

Some people really can't wrap their minds around someone not being into anyone.

 

Then there's the additional layer of complexity for romantic aces, who ARE into people, just not in the sexual way like everyone expects.

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