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Am I asexual?


Confusedcoyote

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Confusedcoyote

aaa okay so I know this question definitely gets asked all the time but I've been confused about my sexuality and struggling with it my whole life, so simple questions like this with responses from people who are confident in themselfs is really nice and id really appreciate the help <3

 

i already went through the faq and im still a little confused :( I definitely know im not straight - im into girls, whether Im okay with it or not, and im unsure if im into boys romantically or not.

But besides all that one thing thats been on my mind is questioning whether or not im asexual. 

so basically im definitely like...horny at times. I masturbate to porn and other sexual images/fantasys. which is the biggest thing yelling at me that im not asexual - however, i dont actually like having sex with people? i like the idea of it for sure, but actually being with people is not comfortable for me, i just dont really like it.

Every so often I do feel sexual attraction to someone, but its rare, and when I do I feel like to actually enjoy it I need to be in complete control, I dont want to be touched.

I often see people I think are hot or cute and get nervous around them, but I more so just like the romantic part of it, I dont initially think about sexual things.

In fact when im in a relotionship im never the first person to bring up sex or sexual things, I usually go along with it and sometimes even enjoy it - mostly because I know they like it. But I wouldnt choose to do it myself. I feel like id much prefer not being sexual in a relationship at all - which is why I think I might be asexual. But idk, im v confused haha,

 

sorry. Xoxo, coyote

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Aroace...Artimus

Hi,

 So, it is completely normal to question your sexuality. I still question my sexuality, like literally all the time, for various reasons. But, one thing almost all asexuals say is that if you feel asexual now, then you’re asexual now. Obviously, I can’t say your asexual. You can say your asexual since you are you and you know you best. I can’t label you since I’m not you. But, I will try to help. So, based on your experiences, you can possibly be gray asexual, which is someone who feels sexual attraction rarely. Also, masturbation is normal in asexuals. And, that is simply because some asexuals have libidos (sex drives) and need to masturbate to support their libidos. Not only that, but, a lot of asexuals just like to masturbate and think it feels good. Personally, I can’t relate. I don’t like masturbating, I’m not interested in sex at all, and I don’t really have any sexual fantasies. But, it’s normal for you to have them. It’s normal for asexuals to have them. And it’s normal to not have them. It’s normal to  for asexual to not have them.

 

Now, if I were you, I would keep doing research, since you might fall under the gray area of the asexual umbrella. Also look up terms like autosexual and autochorrissexual/aegosexual. They might help; especially the second term. So good luck. Just know that it takes time, a lot of time, to actually figure everything out. Also know that sexuality is fluid, so you may feel like your ace or gray ace now, but later you might feel like your actually full-on sexual. Things are complicated and things can change. Do your research and eat some cake :cake::cake::cake::cake: 

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You have something called a libido. I have one too and we both deal with it in a similar fashion. I used to ask the same questions you did but after reading many posts it appears asexuals can be auto sexual. I suppose the defining point here is not wanting to have sex with anyone but yourself. Of course some asexuals appear to lack a libido. Many asexuals actually have sex but usually only do it to please a partner.  There are asexuals which find sex disgusting and its sort of sad if they find themselves with a sexual partner. The importance of the relationship is more important than the displeasure they feel. The only physical contact I enjoy is shaking hands. I'll let others hug and kiss me in a friendly manner but I'm doing it more for their enjoyment than mine. Always remember one can love someone very much and never want to have sex with them. This is true of most family situations. Asexuals can have romantic attractions to people of either sex. I'm still figuring out what romance is but the current theory is that it is based on familiarity. I had a very long relationship with a heterosexual friend. Sex was never a part of it. She even had boyfriends but I didn't care. She died a few years ago and now I'm trying to find new friends. The local asexual group is meeting tomorrow and I plan on attending. I hope to meet the asexual girl I met the last time. The local LGBT community has accepted me and we enjoy many things together. Isolation and misunderstanding by non-asexuals seem to be the two most painful problems people like us face. I've solved the first problem by finding non-heterosexual friends.  The second was never a problem. I've lived a mostly peaceful, sheltered life so was never exposed to the peer pressure so many people have to deal with. Peer pressure can be overcome by finding the strength to accept yourself as you are. This is my experience with asexuality. I hope it might be useful. 

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Ok I’ve been on this site for a year now and I’m still confused about my sexuality. But physical explicit touch and full on intercourse doesn’t feel comfortable to me. I’m immediately like this feels wrong and I don’t feel good with someone else. But I like to imagine it and even then I don’t imagine real people and faces. And I never think someone is sexually attractive. But when I get to talk to someone and I’m connecting with them. I’m like ok you’re cute and I like you. So I feel like I’m asexual but I also feel like I’m just scared to try and push it even further. Since it doesn’t feel natural to me.

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On 3/23/2018 at 8:06 PM, Confusedcoyote said:

aaa okay so I know this question definitely gets asked all the time but I've been confused about my sexuality and struggling with it my whole life, so simple questions like this with responses from people who are confident in themselfs is really nice and id really appreciate the help <3

It does, but I think most people run into the same problem.  Definitions are great, but I think a lot of us need the reassurance of having someone read our story and tell us they can relate.

 

I'm still questioning myself, but I have a libido too and find people hot, alluring, but I'm thinking that I've been mistaking other forms of attraction for sexual attraction because I didn't know you could lack sexual attraction.  Sex was never really good for me and I was always just following someone's lead. I found it boring and awkward and would rather just do it myself and get it over with.  I still enjoy erotica, but I think it's more the thrill of the situation or the beauty of the art or the feelings involved that resonate with me. Good luck figuring things out! 

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