Booplesnoot Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 So, I'm 17 and a sexual assault survivor. Resently, my boyfriend and I were doing light kissing. Though the second it appeard to be getting heavy, I noped so freaking hard. See, I've never had any sexual feelings for anyone. So when I started dating, I figured it would come to me.. but it didn't. Idk if maybe I'm just scared cause of what happened to me 7 years ago or if I might just not like sex at all... any help or advice would be real helpful! Edit: Thank you to the advice given! I realised I shoukd have given more details 😅. So I do see a therapist, but I have not been able to see her in quite some time. Before I pulled away, I noticed that I felt very negative. The only other time I've ever felt that feeling was when I was assaulted. Also I have a sex drive, just I have no desire to do anything with other people. So I guess I just need to take my time and do my reasearch... thanks again! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Comrade F&F Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Welcome!! Have some cake The best advice anyone can offer is to go seek out a therapist. There's not much to go by with your post. You could be ace and have had a traumatic experience, or not ace with a traumatic experience. There's no real way to give an answer. Either way, you're welcomed here on Aven. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Claire1983 Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 I definitely second the therapist (assuming you didn't do that at the time) It's still possible that you could be ace, but it's worth exploring how that may have influenced you. At the very least it wouldn't hurt to consult a professional about your experiences. I hope the forum can help you sort things out. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Orianaro Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Therapist does seem like a decent idea, but it's fine whatever you are. If asexual feels comfortable, there's nothing stopping you from using that as a label anyways. You should also pay attention to whether you thought about or were reminded of your trauma while that was happening/right before you pulled away. If you were, that might be a pretty clear indication that it's trauma-related (not to say you still aren't asexual.) Honestly, I've seen people here who are asexual and have had sexual assault experiences, and find it bothersome to have to explain to people that that's not the "reason" they're asexual. I don't know how you guys pace yourself, but you could try slowing things down and just seeing when/what triggers you pulling away, and whether it feels more like you're scared or more disinterested/disgusted. (Not to say asexuals aren't scared of sex... but often it's more disinterest or repulsion.) Also welcome Le cake pour toi 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Extroverted Introvert Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 I would caution you though to do some research about which therapist you see. There are probably some that would enter into the conversation with the prejudgment that you can't possibly be asexual because they don't believe it is a thing. As Feys&Florets said, you might be ace and you might not be. The fact that you survived such a traumatic experience may or may not have affected that. But you want your therapist to enter into the conversation with an open mind - willing to expect you for who you are. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 Also remember that even if you would have had sexual feelings had the assault not happened, it doesn't mean that you have to "awaken" them. It's only up to you and a good therapist should respect your choice. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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