Jump to content

Will my asexuality kill my relationship?


NickNiebs

Recommended Posts

Hello everyone!

 

I'm 21 years old, and it's been about three months since I've discovered that I'm asexual. At the time I was single. Now, I'm starting to go out with this girl. She's fantastic, we get along super well, we have a lot of common interests, and she's really sweet and thoughtful. Not to mention I find her completely gorgeous. 

 

We're just in the process of getting to know each other now, but in the back of my mind, I know that at some point, I'm going to have to tell her about my asexuality. I would have sex if I physically could (get erections) because I care about her and I would like pleasing her, but my body physically can't get aroused for intercourse. 

 

I'm really frustrated about not being able to be sexually aroused, and I'm scared for when I tell her. Just to be clear, it's not the dislike of intimacy, it's the fact that nothing turns me on to the point of getting an erection and having intercourse. I do enjoy giving oral, fingering, and other sexual activities that don't put stress on me getting an erection. I don't know yet how sexual of a person she is, and I feel like telling her is a turning point whether this relationship can be lasting and fulfilling or not. 

 

I guess what I'm looking for is anybody who's had similar experiences and worries, and some encouragement. I'm going to be honest to this girl, lay it all out there, and I'm hoping that she's accepting of my asexuality and we can find ways to still be physically intimate. She's wonderful, and it would break my heart if we couldn't be together because I can't get aroused for intercourse. 

 

 

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I tried several times and never managed to make it work. Now I'm in a stable relationship - with another ace.

 

That's not to say that a mixed relationship is impossible, but be aware that for many sexuals sex is so important that it actually is a dealbreaker. About the erections - I know what that feels like (plus I had the experience that they did show up when I didn't need them) and it kind of sucked. But I've come to the realisation that it's not a bug, it's a feature. For female-bodied asexuals it is possible to make it work (if nothing else, lube will do the trick), but, so I've heard, often at the cost of feeling pain during intercourse. In comparison I think we're lucky.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Telecaster68

Well, bring it up sooner rather than later, because otherwise it'll be turn into a giant dread that will get worse and worse to face. 

 

It *might* be that she's okay with non PIV. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Mary Lambert
4 hours ago, NickNiebs said:

Hello everyone!

 

I'm 21 years old, and it's been about three months since I've discovered that I'm asexual. At the time I was single. Now, I'm starting to go out with this girl. She's fantastic, we get along super well, we have a lot of common interests, and she's really sweet and thoughtful. Not to mention I find her completely gorgeous. 

 

We're just in the process of getting to know each other now, but in the back of my mind, I know that at some point, I'm going to have to tell her about my asexuality. I would have sex if I physically could (get erections) because I care about her and I would like pleasing her, but my body physically can't get aroused for intercourse. 

 

I'm really frustrated about not being able to be sexually aroused, and I'm scared for when I tell her. Just to be clear, it's not the dislike of intimacy, it's the fact that nothing turns me on to the point of getting an erection and having intercourse. I do enjoy giving oral, fingering, and other sexual activities that don't put stress on me getting an erection. I don't know yet how sexual of a person she is, and I feel like telling her is a turning point whether this relationship can be lasting and fulfilling or not. 

 

I guess what I'm looking for is anybody who's had similar experiences and worries, and some encouragement. I'm going to be honest to this girl, lay it all out there, and I'm hoping that she's accepting of my asexuality and we can find ways to still be physically intimate. She's wonderful, and it would break my heart if we couldn't be together because I can't get aroused for intercourse. 

 

 

 

 

Wow, I wish my husband knew to asked these kinds of questions. I think you are awesome and I think she thinks you are the greatest. She will always love you if you are honest. Yes, you might have to be just friends, but a least you will not go through the pain me and my husband have gone through. Not to mention the kids. Its really not worth it. There are so many great asexual ladies who would so dig you. If she is an allosexual let her go. She will never understand, and just feel sad all the time and so will you. Hard words to hear I am sure. But I would do anything to have avoided this.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If you’re willing to do other sex stuff, she might like it better because some women aren’t really into the whole piv thing or enjoy other stuff more.

 

I’m married to a sexual, we make it work it just fine.

 

YMMV, but give it a chance.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...