Queerplatonic Relationships, Zucchinis, and Polyamory

[Aroace...Artimus]

Hi,

 So, I really want to be in a queerplatonic relationship. Like, you have no idea how bad I want to be in one. But, for some reason, when I talk about the type of queerplatonic relationships I want, people always tend to tell me that it’s not a real type of a relationship, since they see queerplatonic relationships as only strong and close friendship. And, that’s obviously a problem.

 

Queerplatonic relationships are basically as strong and close as any romantic or sexual relationship. Just not involving those aspects, like romance or sex (if I’m wrong, please correct me). Queerplatonic attraction is wanting and desiring to be in a queerplatonic relationship with someone and do queerplatonic things with them. But, I don’t want to be in the “typical” type of a queerplatonic relationship. Obviously, I want to do friendship-type stuff, since I like doing that stuff, and, I’m also willing to do some romantic-type stuff, like maybe kissing. But, I want to be in a polyamorous queerplatonic relationship. As in, one with multiple partners. Now polyamory can work in many ways. Each partner in the relationship can have other relationships with other people, or the polyamorous relationship can involve more than two people, or it can involve more than two people with each partner having other relationships with other people. And, I like the idea of having more than two people in a QPR. My dream is basically me and all my zucchinis to just be in one relationship. But, since people only see queerplatonic relationships as only friendship, they say I can’t necessarily use polyamorous to describe myself and future relationships, since friendships are basically full of ton of people. But, I’m just wondering if I can. Am I allowed to call myself and my relationships polyamorous? The definition of a polyamory is: the practice of, or desire of, having intimate relationships with multiple people. Obviously you can be intimate without having to be romantic or sexual, right? Just comment down below and thank you very much.

 

(Also, if you’re in a QPR, not matter what kind, please share your experiences, since it would be interesting to know what it’s like).

[ReyGraves]

I totally think you can use polyamorous. I would also like to be in a polyamorous QPR. But the kind where everyone is in a relationship with everyone. 

 

I’m currently in a QPR and it’s sort of “default monogamous”. We’re both aces and neither of us are really looking for/want a romantic relationship with anyone else. I’ve been meaning to talk to her about when we go to college (since we’re going to differently colleges) and whether we’d, I guess, break up or stay partners and just be open to either of us dating. And both of us definitely think it’s beyond just a relationship. I actually just explained this to my other friend this morning. She was confused because I had a girlfriend but I told my friend I’m not straight, and she was confused because I had had a girlfriend. I cleared up that I was attractted to boys but she was then confused about my partner and I. So I tried explaining that it was different than friendship and different than romantic. I think she got it.

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

[Aroace...Artimus]

4 hours ago, OptimisticPessimist said:

Queerplatonic Relationship are real and just as valid as any other relationship. If you feel you are polyamorous you can use that to describe yourself. If your in a relationship with 2 people or more you can call that relationship polyamorous, it's really how you feel and how the other people would feel about what you want to label the relationship but short answer yes you can. You can be intimate without being romantic or sexual. 

 

I'm in a QPR and it's just the same as any other relationship in terms of how deeply we care about one another and to quote my QP @kelico

 

@OptimisticPessimist and I are in a QPR. We care about each other deeply. There are distinct feelings that make it important and loving and a relationship beyond "just a friendship" in what we define it as (although I can't emphasize enough how important friendships and family are, too). There's no sex or sexual desire, but it is still a relationship. It's not shaped by romantic attraction, but it is still a relationship. 

 

Anyway, the point is, it's up to each individual to define the feelings and the relationship itself. : )

Cool, and thanks for sharing your experiences. I’m glad you get to be in a queerplatonic relationship. Have fun and here’s some cake  

[Aroace...Artimus]

4 hours ago, ReyGraves said:

I totally think you can use polyamorous. I would also like to be in a polyamorous QPR. But the kind where everyone is in a relationship with everyone. 

 

I’m currently in a QPR and it’s sort of “default monogamous”. We’re both aces and neither of us are really looking for/want a romantic relationship with anyone else. I’ve been meaning to talk to her about when we go to college (since we’re going to differently colleges) and whether we’d, I guess, break up or stay partners and just be open to either of us dating. And both of us definitely think it’s beyond just a relationship. I actually just explained this to my other friend this morning. She was confused because I had a girlfriend but I told my friend I’m not straight, and she was confused because I had had a girlfriend. I cleared up that I was attractted to boys but she was then confused about my partner and I. So I tried explaining that it was different than friendship and different than romantic. I think she got it.

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

Nice, and I’m happy you and your zucchini are together. It must be fun so thanks for sharing. Hopefully you’ll be able to be in a polyamorous queerplatonic relationship soon, like how you want. Good luck and here’s some cake  

[Skittles87]

Of course you can be in any kind of relationship that feels right to you, and I hope you manage to find that. Regarding what you label it, I think people might be confused by the "amorous" part of polyamorous, since this implies a romantic relationship whereas the "platonic" part of queerplatonic obviously implies a platonic one. Is "polyplatonic" a word? (If not, it totally should be!)

[Aroace...Artimus]

4 hours ago, Skittles87 said:

Of course you can be in any kind of relationship that feels right to you, and I hope you manage to find that. Regarding what you label it, I think people might be confused by the "amorous" part of polyamorous, since this implies a romantic relationship whereas the "platonic" part of queerplatonic obviously implies a platonic one. Is "polyplatonic" a word? (If not, it totally should be!)

Thanks, and polyplatonic can work! Here’s some cake  

[Tunhope]

Please please don't think I'm getting involved in this thread to push my novel Badge of Loyalty. I'm not, but some of the ideas explored in it are relevant so.... The protagonists are four gay men and they all wear infinity heart tattoos (polyamorous symbol). Three of them have sexual relationship s with each other but - and here (finally!) is the point - the fourth man only has a relationship with one of the others. He insists he isn't poly but the others disagree. They're certain that, as he cares about them far more deeply than he would if he were in a mere friendship, then he's  polyam too. I suppose I was actually expressing my own thoughts - sex and romance don't have to be on the menu if you care deeply enough a person. Eventually he decides he's a monogamistic polyamorist so there's another new term to go with polyplatonic!

[Aroace...Artimus]

On 3/28/2018 at 2:44 PM, Tunhope said:

Please please don't think I'm getting involved in this thread to push my novel Badge of Loyalty. I'm not, but some of the ideas explored in it are relevant so.... The protagonists are four gay men and they all wear infinity heart tattoos (polyamorous symbol). Three of them have sexual relationship s with each other but - and here (finally!) is the point - the fourth man only has a relationship with one of the others. He insists he isn't poly but the others disagree. They're certain that, as he cares about them far more deeply than he would if he were in a mere friendship, then he's  polyam too. I suppose I was actually expressing my own thoughts - sex and romance don't have to be on the menu if you care deeply enough a person. Eventually he decides he's a monogamistic polyamorist so there's another new term to go with polyplatonic!

Okay, that’s cool! And, don’t worry, I don’t think you’re trying to push your novel into this, even though I wouldn’t mind if you did. Here you go 

[Artsy Anvil]

I’m just like you. I really want to be in a queerplatonic relationship. And, I want it to be a polyamorous one. And you can definitely be intimate without sex or romance.