helana12_03 Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 Why do sensitive sexuals take it so hard when their date won't sleep with them on the first/second date if she/he sais it's too fast for her/him? I mean, why don't they understand that their date might just be more conservative than most people and that is why she/he won't sleep with them so fast and not because they are not attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Desert_Rose Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 I dont know how things are where you live, but around here, it is NOT expected for a couple to sleep together on the first date..... In fact, people who do sleep together on the first date are general talked about in nasty rumours involving the words "slut" and "whore". Not that thats okay either.... but anyways, yes. Even if I hadnt decided to wait untill marriage for sex, I defonatly wouldnt do it on the first date... or the second, for that matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Hallucigenia Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 Ditto what Desert Rose said - not all sexuals think that way (though, from all the horror stories I hear on this board, I'm starting to suspect that my demographic gets much smaller in university. But at least I'll be in with the computer hackers.) However, as for why some sexuals behave that way - my best guess (and it's only a guess) is that these people have become so used to a promiscuous lifestyle, and so encouraged in it by their peers, that they don't comprehend any other way of dating. In their minds, if you find someone attractive, you sleep with them. So attraction = sex and no sex = no attraction. Looking back at your post, you probably already know that, and were asking a subtly different question that I genuinely don't know the answer to. Oh, well. Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 Where I come from, the joke is, "if she doesn't sleep with you on the third date, dump her." This is called the third date rule. Sad, ain't it? Link to post Share on other sites
MaraKarina Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 How can you know a person well enough to judget if you wish to have a relationship with them, after two or three dates? Sure there a lots of people around who expect sex soon but I found the more seriously interested people are in you the more likely they are to want to wait themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 Heck, let me tell yah a little story, okay, MaraKarina... Once I went with some pals Friday night after work to a bar. This friend of ours comes up to meet us & introduces her new boyfriend. She says, "Now you get to know everyone, honey, while I go get us some drinks." She went off and the guy sits next to me. We start talking... he looks over his shoulder, the girl is still at the bar waiting for the beers. "So... " he says, "Yah wanna come home with me tonight?" "Huh? Like, aren't you with her?" "Yeah, but she don't hafta know. We can sneak out & stuff." "No way." Whatsa matter? Don't yah put out?" "She's my friend!" I wasn't gonna give him a whole long explanation... So she comes back. I tell her NOTHING! Monday, at work, she comes in. "Oh he is such a terrific guy! I just got the feeling, he's THE ONE!" I STILL TOLD HER NOTHING!!! And I never will. I can't bring myself to tell her... But, that's real life nowadays. Link to post Share on other sites
Tanwen Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 And if you tried, Thyla, you could very well lose a friend. Even if or when she finds out, don't let n, just be there if she needs you. Link to post Share on other sites
sonofzeal Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 I'd post in this thread... but Hallu has a tendancy to say things so well there's nothing more to add. Darn you Hallu! (and your little Desert_Rose too, in this case [not that Desert_Rose is Hallu's or anything @__@]) Link to post Share on other sites
MaraKarina Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Heck, let me tell yah a little story, okay, MaraKarina... Once I went with some pals Friday night after work to a bar. This friend of ours comes up to meet us & introduces her new boyfriend. She says, "Now you get to know everyone, honey, while I go get us some drinks." She went off and the guy sits next to me. We start talking... he looks over his shoulder, the girl is still at the bar waiting for the beers. "So... " he says, "Yah wanna come home with me tonight?" "Huh? Like, aren't you with her?" "Yeah, but she don't hafta know. We can sneak out & stuff." "No way." Whatsa matter? Don't yah put out?" "She's my friend!" I wasn't gonna give him a whole long explanation... So she comes back. I tell her NOTHING! Monday, at work, she comes in. "Oh he is such a terrific guy! I just got the feeling, he's THE ONE!" I STILL TOLD HER NOTHING!!! And I never will. I can't bring myself to tell her... But, that's real life nowadays. That sort of thing is not all that new! If that happend to friends of mine or me we'd right away share the information - and that's been it for the guy. Who would want to have that? Better be sad for a moment, right in the beginning, rather than continue such games for the rest of your life. That's one of the reasons why I'd recommend to wait with sex. It's good to know the person a little better. Without sex, it's far easier to end a relationship as sex tends to strengthen the bonds. Plus, sex even where contraceptives are used includes the chance of pregnancy. And you should be prepared to share responsibilities for a child in case that happens. How could you do that with a one-night-stand? Unless you'd refer to abortion which to me equals murder. Link to post Share on other sites
Desert_Rose Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 How can you know a person well enough to judget if you wish to have a relationship with them, after two or three dates? Sure there a lots of people around who expect sex soon but I found the more seriously interested people are in you the more likely they are to want to wait themselves. You are absolutly right. See, not all sexuals consider sex the end all be all of a relationship. The ones who are seriously interested in you WONT nessisarily want sex right away, because sex isnt what the relationship is about. Its like icing on the cake. In fact... its exactly like icing on a cake.... some people like to scrape off all of the icing and forget about the cake, usually little kids with a still massive sweet tooth (horny teenagers who still have a insatiable sex drive and dont really understand relationships yet?) some people like to scrape off the icing because its too sweet for them, and eat the cake like that (asexuals, who dont want sex but do want a relationship?) and other people like to eat the whole cake while also enjoying the icing (a more mature sexual then the first example) (also, it usualy works better to bake the cake first, before you add icing, yes?) Link to post Share on other sites
AsceticWitch Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 The most idiotic and irrational thing i ever heard and read of, related to this topic, is about the so called "manipulators" or "players". They use some hypnosis or psychology cheap tricks to attract other sexuals and convince them get laid from the first date. This is some kind of main aim of their lives. And i really don`t get it, how can you make an ideal of your life getting laid, with as many persons as possible. Does this instinct worth SUCH attention? An instinct shouldn`t be an objective. You don`t measure the value of a person by counting his sexual relationships, do you? Link to post Share on other sites
sonofzeal Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 The most idiotic and irrational thing i ever heard and read of, related to this topic, is about the so called "manipulators" or "players". They use some hypnosis or psychology cheap tricks to attract other sexuals and convince them get laid from the first date. This is some kind of main aim of their lives. And i really don`t get it, how can you make an ideal of your life getting laid, with as many persons as possible. Does this instinct worth SUCH attention? An instinct shouldn`t be an objective. You don`t measure the value of a person by counting his sexual relationships, do you? Some people do. For them, it combines the thrill of sex with the thrill of the hunt. It'd be interresting to see if some of them could be technically defined as sex-addicts.... Link to post Share on other sites
Derp Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 In fact... its exactly like icing on a cake.... some people like to scrape off all of the icing and forget about the cake, usually little kids with a still massive sweet tooth (horny teenagers who still have a insatiable sex drive and dont really understand relationships yet?) some people like to scrape off the icing because its too sweet for them, and eat the cake like that (asexuals, who dont want sex but do want a relationship?) and other people like to eat the whole cake while also enjoying the icing (a more mature sexual then the first example)(also, it usualy works better to bake the cake first, before you add icing, yes?) Darn you, Desert_Rose.. now I want some cake. :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
sonofzeal Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Darn you, Desert_Rose.. now I want some cake. :lol: Mmmm... cake..... *drools* :cake: ! :D Link to post Share on other sites
Wario Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 Yummy cake. But none of this metaphorical cake. I want the real cake. Link to post Share on other sites
inona Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 Why do sensitive sexuals take it so hard when their date won't sleep with them on the first/second date if she/he sais it's too fast for her/him? I mean, why don't they understand that their date might just be more conservative than most people and that is why she/he won't sleep with them so fast and not because they are not attractive. Sexual, sexually active woman here. Those people aren't "sensitive." They're insensitive. OTOH, if someone is interested ultimately in a sexual relationship, it's best that they know up front that an asexual person isn't going to be. Then the sexual person can decide if they want to continue with things or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Chiaroscuro Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 Sexual man here (I sound like a superhero!). I never even considered sleeping with a date on the first night. It was hard enough getting up the nerve to kiss her goodnight. Of course, times may have changed... -Chiaroscuro Link to post Share on other sites
spinneret Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 Sexual man here (I sound like a superhero!) :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
scamper Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 I'm on the side of the sensible sexuals in this thread. I'd never expect someone to sleep with me on the first date! And I'd probably be upset if someone suggested to me that we should sleep together on the first date or sneak off behind their girlfriend's back or whatever. The difference here isn't between sexuals and asexuals, it's between honest, decent people who interested in getting to know a person and establish a relationship with them, and people who are out for cheap thrills. However, I do agree with iona about early disclosure. Everyone's better off if they know if their partner has a major relationship requirement, like "no sex" or "definitely sex". Link to post Share on other sites
SpirallingSnowy Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 It has a lot to do with maturity. All my closest friends are sexuals, and the sleeping on the first date thing tends to happen when alcohol is involved. People, unfortunately, have a pre conception if you like someone then you ask them to sleep with you. I know i have been there done that one myself, ie i thought i was innocently making a new friend, possible boyfriend and it evolved into some sex thing. bah. not what i wanted at all. They get so cut about it because they think its their god given right and that the relationship is all about sex. Its when they grow up and they realise its not that they are more understanding. They see it as a blow to their self esteem, that they wont "satisfy" you, that they are good looking enough, good enough in bed, they take it as though you are a rude $*@(@#^@ for refusing them something they take as a god given right. Its when people are self centred and think of themselves as the most important person ( again all to do with maturity, both emotionally, mentally, physically etc) Most of my guy friends have girlfriends, who were close friends before they got together. None of them think this way ive described above. Ive seen the sleezes that you guys refer to, the ones who want and expect sex on the first date, usually have a immature perspective on the relationship and its all about the sex to them. Then they get bored easily as well because theyre are " so many hot chicks out there, why pick only 1?" Its the guys who realise that they need someone who cares about them as much as they care about themselves - see the sex thing is also a selfish thing - and see the sex as the icining on the cake as Desert Rose said. Most guys i know are like that, and i try to not hang out with any pepople that dont have these morals. I guess its a moral thing as well. Through your teenage years, with hormones running crazy, emotions are all over the place, etc etc as you all well know. immature people dont think about the consequences as much as mature people, and dont see the implications of their actions. And i guess it depends on the actual person as well.... some people are just like that, and they like it. I hope one day they find out that not everyone else is like that and they grow out of it... *sigh* heres to hoping! Link to post Share on other sites
midga59 Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 I'm gonna have to toss in a semi-opposing opinion here... So let's say I meet this girl, and we decide to go out. Now, sometimes it's obvious that the whole thing is just a pretense to physical romance. It happens, and it's not generally good, bad, or otherwise. It depends from situation to situation. I won't get too deep into that here, it's slightly tangential. Anyway, so let's say that we go out, and it's obvious that she wants it, and I know I want it, and we get back (could be first, second, third time out, I'm not gonna put a time frame on it because "date" is such a dynamic term anyway) to one of our places and start getting physical. Things go further and further, and at some point, they just stop. No explaination, they just stop. Could you not understand why that would be somewhat hurtful to one party or the other? Maybe cut their feelings of self worth down a bit? Now, I'm not saying this is always the case, is even mostly the case, but I'm presenting it as a possible case because I felt an opposing argument was needed. Link to post Share on other sites
Tool1989 Posted December 19, 2006 Share Posted December 19, 2006 Maybe he is hurt, maybe he is disappointed because he wants some "action", maybe he wants to cuddle you, etc. Depends on the guy and his motives at the time. Link to post Share on other sites
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