Questioning Sexuality or Therefore Lack Of

[Conclavi]

After learning about the existence of asexuality, I've been conflicted for about the past 4 months about my sexuality. I know I am either straight, ace, or somewhere in between, but cannot pinpoint where. I'm hetero-romantic for sure, but I don't know if my sexuality matches. After doing some research, I have aesthetic attraction to females and occasionally sensual if I know them and like them in a romantic sense, but I can't remember if I've ever felt sexual attraction towards them. Is it possible for an ace to feel sexual repulsion to one sex but not the other? I am repulsed sexually by other males, but am indifferent to females. I can look at erotic photos of females most straight males would get the hots for, and I don't really feel anything but I can acknowledge that they have features that would fit the "hot" category for most people. Whenever I "relieve" myself to pornography, I focus more on the sensations that would be felt than the people involved, but during any sexual fantasies I have they are always with a female but not any specific individual. I remember in middle school and occasionally in high school some of the other guys would ask me if I was gay because of my lack of interest in dating or sexual desires with girls. I often find myself getting crushes on girls I find "cute" and get to know after some time. I almost never develop a crush unless I've been friends with them for while. Another thing to mention that has caused me to question my sexuality is when I had a little bit a thing going on with this girl I really liked at the time. There was a point where we ended up getting very physically close (not sexually), and I noticed I was getting physically aroused. I had no intentions to have sexual intercourse with her and I was perfectly happy just hanging out with her, but my body thought differently. Would this be inherent sexuality or just my body being my body?

One last experience I'd like to add in here, with the same girl aforementioned. She invited me over to her house, and this wasn't unusual as we tended to hang out a lot, and I didn't expect anything more. Turns out this time she had wanted to do something a bit more, and she tried to relay this information to me through pretty direct flirting. At the time I had romantic feelings for her, but the thoughts of her thinking sexually of me made me uncomfortable. This didn't click well in my head, and confused me quite a bit as I liked her in an aesthetic, romantic, and sensual way, but having anything sexual with her wasn't something I sought after.

 

So really, I'd like to know, do I sound like someone who is straight, ace, somewhere in between?
Can an asexual person have a preference on who they would be OK having intercourse with, as opposed to having the same feelings towards both?

Does physical arousal equate to sexual attraction?

[Gldlynch]

Hey Conclavi

 

First of all, welcome to AVEN! Make yourself at home.

 

I don't want to sound like Dr. Google here, but from first impression, your situation reminds me of demisexual or demiromantic. By definition, Demi people develop feelings of attraction only after an emotional bond (like a friendship) has been formed. Perhaps you fit in this category? You say that you only feel interested in people once you grow to know them. This is totally common.

 

1 hour ago, Conclavi said:

Is it possible for an ace to feel sexual repulsion to one sex but not the other?

Not going to lie, I was a bit confused with this statement ^

You established yourself as a hetero-romantic at the beginning, so feeling this way is 100% normal. Hetero means you are attracted to the opposite gender, not your own.

 

Maybe towards your friend you were asexual... it seemed like you ticked all other attraction boxes.

 

In my opinion physical arousal doesn't equate to sexual attraction. Asexuals can have kinks, fetishes, fantasies, can masturbate, have sex, even have libido and remain asexual. Asexual is purely focused on the "attraction" factor. Erections and such are all natural responses of our bodies, they don't have anything to do with whether we are emotionally enjoying the sex or not.

 

Best of luck!

[everywhere and nowhere]

I don't have the same feelings about different genders. I find the idea of having sex with a woman just scary. It frightens me because of my nudity aversion, there is always a strong feeling that sex is just not for me - without any feeling of grief, I don't regret it and wouldn't want to desire sex. However, the idea of having sex with a man is worse - it's not just scary, but also disgusting. It feels somehow wrong because I find straight sex so unequal, "undemocratic"... However, I generally avoid thinking about personally having sex because it simply always feels distressing.