Bewildered Look

[Cut/Mix/Print]

I recently had a conversation with a co-worker about what we don't and do like to see in movies. She was saying how she can no longer stand violence and grim stories any more.  What I don't like is films that have something sexually explicit just for the sake of showing an actress's body. In general, I just don't like seeing that because it's not important to the story and also no to me.  She was absolutely bewildered. "Everybody wants to see sex. It's important." I responded, "I don't think so." We remained quiet for a moment so I changed the subject. Luckily, this wasn't too awkward.

 

Later in the day I couldn't stop thinking about it. Why do people think about it so much? Why is it everywhere I look? I feel this whole section of life is blurry. Thankfully I was able to forget it when I watched this new show, "The Alienist". This has a character who I greatly relate to because he is so disconnected from his society. In this last episode he is told by his co-worker "You are going to end up a lonely old man." This hit me right in the face. I was told the same thing years ago (before I even discovered Asexuality) by a "friend" as well. Now, the ironic thing is that the character ends up finding he has feelings for someone in his life, which I believe was simply a coping mechanism for himself and he can't have it anyway because the writers killed his love interest. So he REALLY can't have it. And I think with this loss he will never try again. Lesson will be learned. Love will be replaced by rage.

 

So, my question is, if this is what happens then why even attempted at all? If I know I can't connect with anyone in "that way" then I shouldn't even bother with people other than professional matters and a select group of friends. It makes me feel I shouldn't even "come out" because then it'll be A LOT of explaining and I really don't know how to begin with some people. I know this because I tried.

 

This was when I simply tried to explain it because I thought a celebrity seemed to be in this spectrum. The reaction was astonishing and insulting. These grown women, 10+ years older than me, began to laugh like school girls. They were bewildered that someone would be so "unfortunate" to be an asexual. That was the last day I showed them any respect. 

 

So, I guess my question is: How do you handle it when topics of SEX and relationships come about without "coming out"?

[Guest]

4 minutes ago, Cut/Mix/Print said:

What I don't like is films that have something sexually explicit just for the sake of showing an actress's body. In general, I just don't like seeing that because it's not important to the story and also no to me.  She was absolutely bewildered. "Everybody wants to see sex. It's important." I responded, "I don't think so." We remained quiet for a moment so I changed the subject. Luckily, this wasn't too awkward.

 

That's so weird, a lot of people don't like all the sex and romance etc in movies, that's just a personal preference. It's so odd that she though it was odd that you didn't like it!

 

5 minutes ago, Cut/Mix/Print said:

So, I guess my question is: How do you handle it when topics of SEX and relationships come about without "coming out"?

I would deal with this (as a non-ace person) by saying: If I want to watch sex, I'll put on some porn. If I'm sitting down to watch a horror or a thriller or whatever though, I actually want a good story. I don't want them to have fill in time with sex just because they had a really weak story and couldn't work out how to make it appealing without sticking naked people slobbering over each other in there every 20 mins, no thanks!! A lot of the time, people will understand and agree, and if not, then they're not really worth associating with because they obviously have shit taste in movies

[Cut/Mix/Print]

Thank you! I was beginning to think everyone else was just that obsessed and the world was perverted.

 

"If I want to watch sex, I'll put on some porn" - FictoVore.

 

I always tell people, "That's what porn is for." and then I give the perfect example of implied sexual intimacy in "Walk the Line". The sequence of Johnny Cash and June Carter together where it cuts from the night to the next morning and Nobody is even naked. Perfect, I get it. They had sex. 

[EmotionalAndroid]

3 minutes ago, Cut/Mix/Print said:

The sequence of Johnny Cash and June Carter together where it cuts from the night to the next morning and Nobody is even naked. Perfect, I get it.

That is what I love about old movies made during the Hayes Code. Everything was implied. Movies never talked down to audiences by having to be explicit. We're intelligent enough to catch on without being shown.

[Telecaster68]

How about if you implied rather than showed every bit of violence? More people find it unpleasant than showing sex, and it potentially affects behaviour negatively. Would you feel something was misinformation? 

[Cut/Mix/Print]

It is interesting to imply an event because you leave it to the viewers' imaginations. However, showing violent acts can also work as a scare tactic and revealing brutality. In the end it's the same rule for both: If there's a reason, they must make me understand why they're showing me this. Hopefully it's not just for kicks, but to make a point. 

[Philip027]

Simple, I don't really keep such close-minded people as my friends.
 

Quote

I always tell people, "That's what porn is for." and then I give the perfect example of implied sexual intimacy in "Walk the Line". The sequence of Johnny Cash and June Carter together where it cuts from the night to the next morning and Nobody is even naked. Perfect, I get it. They had sex. 

 

Actually, unless they are really really heavy-handed about it, those sorts of things always flew over my head and still often do.