I think I'm Demi, Grace, or Cupiosexual? (Still not sure about my sexuality)

[Belén]

I've been thinking about my past and my present so many times and honestly I really don't know in which catergory I fit in. In general, I was never a really sexual person. When I was a teenager I didn't want to have sex but I liked the idea of it, and I still do until this day. I don't feel sexual attraction towards people, just aesthetic attraction, and romantic attraction as well. But sometimes I enjoy masturbation and that makes me feel like a very sexual being and like I'm not ace enough or that I don't belong here. My psychiatrist thinks I just haven't found the right one yet and listening to her is just dissapointing and tiring. I live in Paraguay, South America, and what most people think asexuality is that people have no feelings whatsoever towards anyone and that asexuals are wrong in the head or something. Of course I try to educate the people around me but it tires me and I feel like I have no one around me to support me about this, plus I'm really confused. I hope someone can help me. Thank you in advance! 

[roland.o]

Hello @Belén, asexuality is defined as the absence of sexual attraction or desire, not as the absence of a sex drive (libido). Many asexuals do have a sex drive, they just have no inclination to participate in sexual activities with a partner... because they don't feel sexually attracted to anyone. That sounds pretty much like what you describe. Ace of Hearts

 

Your psychiatrist seems to be trapped in an allosexual view of the world. She might still be a good psychiatrist for allosexuals, but it sounds like she's just not a good fit for you.

 

All the best to you! And don't worry, you belong here. Everyone who behaves respectfully is very much welcome here, regardless of their orientations.

[AceEllis]

Hello @Belén!

 

Theres a variety of aces here who have a wide variety of opinions on sex, some being sex-positive and others being sex-repulsed or anywhere in between. Plenty of asexuals masturbate for reasons like having a libido, or just enjoying the experience. So some aces masturbate, and some aces don't, just like some aces like sex and some don't. Masturbating or liking the idea of sex in theory doesn't make you any less of an asexual and you definitely belong here.

 

What does make you asexual or not is the lack of a sexual attraction. Since you say you lack sexual attraction, that would make you ace by definition. It's possible you could be demi and have to have a emotional connection to feel sexual attraction. An easy way to figure out whether you're demisexual or not is to look into your past relationships, if you've had any, and see whether you felt sexual attraction or not.

 

About your psychiatrist, consider looking for someone else if that's possible. You want someone who will support your identity and take you seriously. It's not her job to tell you who you are and aren't, but to simply help you work through your issues. You say listening to her is just disappointing, so she's probably not helping that much.

 

And if you're looking for nearby support, maybe try looking for fellow aces at the Meetup Mart.

[binary suns]

some aces masturbate. 

[arden_jay]

It's a whole spectrum. There's plenty of identities to explore to find the right one for you.

[Belén]

1 hour ago, AceEllie said:

Hello @Belén!

 

Theres a variety of aces here who have a wide variety of opinions on sex, some being sex-positive and others being sex-repulsed or anywhere in between. Plenty of asexuals masturbate for reasons like having a libido, or just enjoying the experience. So some aces masturbate, and some aces don't, just like some aces like sex and some don't. Masturbating or liking the idea of sex in theory doesn't make you any less of an asexual and you definitely belong here.

 

What does make you asexual or not is the lack of a sexual attraction. Since you say you lack sexual attraction, that would make you ace by definition. It's possible you could be demi and have to have a emotional connection to feel sexual attraction. An easy way to figure out whether you're demisexual or not is to look into your past relationships, if you've had any, and see whether you felt sexual attraction or not.

 

About your psychiatrist, consider looking for someone else if that's possible. You want someone who will support your identity and take you seriously. It's not her job to tell you who you are and aren't, but to simply help you work through your issues. You say listening to her is just disappointing, so she's probably not helping that much.

 

And if you're looking for nearby support, maybe try looking for fellow aces at the Meetup Mart.

I've had past relationships and I only felt a little bit of sexual attraction (with two people who very close to me but after that little bit never happened again) and mostly aesthetic attraction.

Also, thank you for the advice! 

[Belén]

3 hours ago, roland.o said:

Hello @Belén, asexuality is defined as the absence of sexual attraction or desire, not as the absence of a sex drive (libido). Many asexuals do have a sex drive, they just have no inclination to participate in sexual activities with a partner... because they don't feel sexually attracted to anyone. That sounds pretty much like what you describe. Ace of Hearts

 

Your psychiatrist seems to be trapped in an allosexual view of the world. She might still be a good psychiatrist for allosexuals, but it sounds like she's just not a good fit for you.

 

All the best to you! And don't worry, you belong here. Everyone who behaves respectfully is very much welcome here, regardless of their orientations.

Thank you for being so kind!