Does my Agender bother you?

[Zyden]

What does being agender mean to you? Do you identify as agender? Are you comfortable in your own skin? 

 

I was once told that I couldn't be asexual because I did not act 'like a robot' and I dressed 'too pretty.' Where do you even start with a comment like that?

 

In my day-to-day life, I rarely think about my gender. I acknowledge that I'm female, and I dont mind my curves at all. Most of the time, I forget all about my gender.

 

I would say that my girlish mannerisms are mostly an act that I have practised thoroughly, because it's the social norm to conduct yourself in a feminine way if you look female. At work, I'm held to a high level of professionalism, and I decided early on that it was best to fit the mould in order to be successful. This meant dressing in female fitted suits and getting the makeup right. 

 

As a kid, I wanted to do boyish activities because Cub Scouts was outside in the woods, in nature, where I could indulge my interest in wildlife. GirlGuides/Brownies was indoors at the Salvation Army, in a rather barren room with knitting and braiding being sought-after activities. 

 

This was the late 80s to early 90s. The gender stereotypes make me laugh and cringe simultaneously.

 

So, to get into the cub scouts, my mom cut my hair short, and gave me the gender-neutral nickname of 'Little,' (because I was). I got away with this for 2 years, and it was  great fun. I never got found out, but once I turned 10, my mother decided not to push our luck.

 

Once secondary school rolled around, I had to switch my appearance to a feminine one, simply to avoid rampant bullying. I dressed as non-descript as possible. Not too baggy or too tight, just an inoffensive nondescript girl's uniform. I started acting girly by copying my friends.

 

This of course continued into adulthood, as part of social pressure. I like to keep a tidy appearance and don't mind form-fitting clothes.

 

I don't seem to really care if I look boyish for outdoor pursuits, or girlish for work and outings, so long as I think I'm well presented. 

 

I still identify as agender, and prefer my gender-neutral name that I use online and with my friends. My family even still call me Little. Only work colleagues use my real name, which all ties into this odd, formal way I've learnt to handle my gender identity in public.

 

I'm a girl, I'm ok with that. It's not too much hard work to maintain feminine manneriams. I feel I fit into my body. It can be fun at times. 

 

But is agender meant to mean you have a more androgynous appearance?

 

Do you flip-flop between male and female appearances? Do you change your appearance to fit gender norms for work or school?

[Celyn: The Lutening]

Very similarly, I like to present as androgynously as I can, with little fluidity. Dresses and makeup feel very wrong. But I'm firmly closeted in a professional environment and act/dress the totally normal cis girl. I hate it but we do what we gotta.

[Puck]

First, I think you'd find a lot more folks able to connect and strongly answer your questions with more knowledge in the Gender Discussions forum. There is a great community there, I'm sure you'd find a lot of support

 

25 minutes ago, Zyden said:

What does being agender mean to you? Do you identify as agender? Are you comfortable in your own skin?

I am not a gender expert so I can't honestly say I know the exact definition of the identity, but I tend to assume it's someone who doesn't feel they have an exact gender they subscribe to and, very notably to the general populace, they do not subscribe to either male or female. They are sort of "gender neutral" I suppose.

 

I'm not agender, but always happy to learn more about those who identify as such if I can

 

27 minutes ago, Zyden said:

I was once told that I couldn't be asexual because I did not act 'like a robot' and I dressed 'too pretty.' Where do you even start with a comment like that?

That would be what we call a stereotype  And those often aren't rooted in truth when something is highly misunderstood or not well known.

 

I suppose what I might say is that a sexual orientation doesn't necessarily dictate how one might act. Not all straight people act the same, not all homosexuals act the same, not all bisexuals act the same.... Everyone is different and personalities are simply not rooted in one's orientation.

 

If you are confident in yourself, you can always say something like "I am indeed an asexual and I happen to know we don't act like robots because I don't." I've never met an asexual that acts like that, myself.

 

If you wanna get scientific, you might want to mention that there are two parts of the brain that creates the feeling of love. There is the old type of brain that really wants to have sex, and there is a newer part of the brain that formed to help children bond with their parents and has since evolved to react when we find a partner (or partners) we love and wish to form a deep relationship with. Asexuals tend to not have the older part of the brain become active around those they love, while the attachment part will be active. This shows that they still form deep attachment and bonds even if it isn't connected to their sex dive/desires.

 

34 minutes ago, Zyden said:

In my day-to-day life, I rarely think about my gender. I acknowledge that I'm female, and I dont mind my curves at all. Most of the time, I forget all about my gender.

 

I would say that my girlish mannerisms are mostly an act that I have practised thoroughly, because it's the social norm to conduct yourself in a feminine way if you look female. At work, I'm held to a high level of professionalism, and I decided early on that it was best to fit the mould in order to be successful. This meant dressing in female fitted suits and getting the makeup right. 

 

As a kid, I wanted to do boyish activities because Cub Scouts was outside in the woods, in nature, where I could indulge my interest in wildlife. GirlGuides/Brownies was indoors at the Salvation Army, in a rather barren room with knitting and braiding being sought-after activities. 

 

This was the late 80s to early 90s. The gender stereotypes make me laugh and cringe simultaneously.

 

So, to get into the cub scouts, my mom cut my hair short, and gave me the gender-neutral nickname of 'Little,' (because I was). I got away with this for 2 years, and it was  great fun. I never got found out, but once I turned 10, my mother decided not to push our luck.

 

Once secondary school rolled around, I had to switch my appearance to a feminine one, simply to avoid rampant bullying. I dressed as non-descript as possible. Not too baggy or too tight, just an inoffensive nondescript girl's uniform. I started acting girly by copying my friends.

 

This of course continued into adulthood, as part of social pressure. I like to keep a tidy appearance and don't mind form-fitting clothes.

 

I don't seem to really care if I look boyish for outdoor pursuits, or girlish for work and outings, so long as I think I'm well presented. 

 

I still identify as agender, and prefer my gender-neutral name that I use online and with my friends. My family even still call me Little. Only work colleagues use my real name, which all ties into this odd, formal way I've learnt to handle my gender identity in public.

 

I'm a girl, I'm ok with that. It's not too much hard work to maintain feminine manneriams. I feel I fit into my body. It can be fun at times. 

Sounds like a great journey, I'm glad your mother encouraged you to do what made you happy, like going to cub scouts. It's great that you feel comfortable expressing yourself and dressing in different ways. What it's really all about is feeling comfortable in your skin

 

35 minutes ago, Zyden said:

But is agender meant to mean you have a more androgynous appearance?

I don't think you have to fit any mold to be agender. I think that as long as you feel that the way you dress and act is true to you, you can go by agender and feel comfortable in that identity. I mean, if you acted boyish all the time and always looked like a boy, perhaps folks would wonder if you were just a boy. But it sounds like you flop freely between presenting as is most professional and how you feel most comfortable, and are happy with doing that. So I don't think you're wrong to be using that label.

 

37 minutes ago, Zyden said:

Do you flip-flop between male and female appearances? Do you change your appearance to fit gender norms for work or school?

I'm cis, but even I play up my gender at work. It just keeps it professional, there are very clear gender "work attire" expectations so I find I succeed better in the work place when I don't "challenge the norm" if you will.

[MaxAmoeba]

I identify myself as an agender. But I don't see the need to conform to the expected ways of a 'female'. I barely dress like the typical female.

As an agender, I do many things considered masculine like speaking my mind, standing for what I believe in, getting things fixed.  But I am

female too in that I use feminine clothes, make-up at times. Just that I see absolutely no need to 'prove', 'show', 'confirm' to other's view of

how I should appear/behave. In my mind I have alliances to none of the genders. Both suck in their stereotypes.

 

[gisiebob]

On 03/19/2018 at 9:32 PM, Zyden said:

So, to get into the cub scouts, my mom cut my hair short, and gave me the gender-neutral nickname of 'Little,' (because I was). I got away with this for 2 years, and it was  great fun. I never got found out, but once I turned 10, my mother decided not to push our luck.

aw, hell yeah! go mom!

 

I think I might call myself agnosticly agender. if I ever had a need to identify as agender, I might, but I much prefer just not caring about gender. leave it alone and let it leave me alone. it's probably easier for those of us on this side of the scatter graph, though!

[binary suns]

On 3/20/2018 at 12:32 AM, Zyden said:

I was once told that I couldn't be asexual because I did not act 'like a robot' and I dressed 'too pretty.' Where do you even start with a comment like that?

ignore it, it's from ignorance and isn't true. 

 

On 3/20/2018 at 12:32 AM, Zyden said:

In my day-to-day life, I rarely think about my gender. I acknowledge that I'm female, and I dont mind my curves at all. Most of the time, I forget all about my gender.

sure, agender fits, pretty normal agender esperience.

 

(read whole thing too): 

 

if it makes more for your identity, cisgenderless is an identity to say "don't really feel gender, but my body is this gender and so it works" or alternatively to say "my identity is what my body is 'cause it's convenient and I went with it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯"

 

but if you think agender speaks to you, then no reason not to ID agender. There's a lot of wiggle room with gender identity.