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Kaia13

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Hello. So, my story, huh? Well, I don't like telling just little parts of a story, so settle in, I guess.

I started feeling like something was different about me about middle school age. My sister and cousin, both older than me, would talk to me about things they thought would make me feel uncomfortable. And it did, but not quite for the reason they thought it was. I just didn't know about or feel the things they were talking about. I thought maybe I was just behind, but when nothing changed, I began to get worried. I thought there was something wrong with me. So I started dating guys just because I thought that's what I should be doing. Few years go by, and my sister would have sex with guys she had only been dating for a week, or even less, and she told me all about it. She talked about sex as if it was a need, and I again became worried that there was something wrong for me for not wanting that. Anyways, years of confusion.

After I graduated high school, I said forget it, I'm not going to keep dating if I don't feel it. Met a guy while working at camp, dated him for about a month during our second summer together. Towards the beginning, I broached the topic of sex and kind of beat around the bush about me not wanting sex. He took it as I was nervous about it. He never pressured me, but he did make it clear that he expected sex as part of a relationship at some point. Like I said, that ended after only about a month. I began to feel that I didn't want a relationship at all. See, my problem was that sex had become such an integral part to relationships that I, like most people, couldn't separate the two. I tried telling my mom at that point, and she didn't understand. She said she accepted me, but she also told me a story about a woman she knew who went most her life without getting married and was perfectly happy, and then got married later in life and was still perfectly happy, so it's okay to go through life in different stages. So she was basically saying that I am okay like this now, but I would move out of this phase eventually. I had also tried to tell other people I was close to, and they all had pretty much the same reaction. I just hadn't met the right guy yet.

Anyways, I am now 21, and I have slowly been coming to the realization that it is not relationships that I don't want, just the sex. I still want that emotionally intimate relationship, just without the physical part. Again, I tried to tell my mom, and this was pretty recent. And again, she did not get it. I know she didn't mean any harm, but she said, "You're just the type of girl who won't give that to just anyone. Some day, you'll find that one guy who you feel is the one, and one thing will lead to another, and you'll change your mind." It was very hurtful, as I'm guessing many of you can understand.

About a week later, she approached the subject again and said she would like to apologize for what she said. She just didn't understand at that point, but she had done some research (and this is one of the many reasons why I love my mom), and she found that what I had told her was an actual thing, she found out it was called asexuality (which I didn't even know), and she directed me to this site. I haven't told anyone else about this yet, but I feel like I am finally on my way to truly understanding this part of me, and I would like to be able to communicate with some people who understand. 

 

Alright, main story over. Of course, there is still more to it that I am sure will come out at some point, but that's the gist. I am kind of nervous about this whole venture, yet I am just happy to finally have an explanation and a direction. Sooo....anyone have any tips or anything on getting started here? I'll probably check out the chat room, but other than that, I don't know what I'm doing. I'll be happy to meet all of you! :)

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Celyn: The Lutening

Hi Kaia! :cake: Though there a lot of people here who are also aromantic, a lot of us want intimate relationships just without sex (or not a lot of it, or are indifferent to the whole concept) *points to self*

There's a whole subforum about relationships, so you might want to have a snoop around there.

Your mum is awesome.

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Platonic Underdog

Hi and welcome, have some cake 🍰 🍰 🍰 it's awesome that your mum was willing to learn and help you on your way here. Check out the site info centre, it has help info that help me out when I first joined. Other than that, ask questions. its the best way to learn 😊 

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Thank you so much, both of you! I'll check out all of that, and maybe I'll see you around ^_^

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Platonic Underdog

You're welcome 😊  I hope you enjoy your time here 

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Welcome! The best thing to do is just to ask questions, anything really, and start up a topic of discussion with others :) 

chocolate-chocolate+cake.jpg

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Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! :cake:

As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. :) The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message.  Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. 

The following are also nifty links to take a look at:  Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's

 Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped!

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@Kaia13

 

Try to equate being emotionally intimate to sex with your mom. I get it to me telling my emotions and being 100% myself and not pretending is scary and is something I will only do with someone I love (if that ever happens 😞) That is my stance on it anyways 

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blueheroness

Wow!  Your Mom is so sweet and kind. I'm happy you both are understanding more and more about who you are and learning to love that!  Welcome! 

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