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Hello from me


Mia71

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Hello!

 

Nice to meet you and I am so happy to have found this place!

 

I would like to introduce myself. :) I am Mia, 46 going on 47, living in Sweden.

 

I have after years of therapy of trying to figure out why I have never fallen in love, never felt attracted to anyone and always had an aversion towards sex and because of that never had any relationship, never had sex and have felt so depressed about this.  Until I heard about asexuality during therapy - however the therapist didn't believe in it - but I felt it to be true when I read about it... It felt like it explained "me".... So I stopped seeing that therapist and started to trying to accept this about myself on my own. I will probably never have sex in my life - which means - never any relationship, never any children... I had to accept a life on my own - because I don't want to have sex... And I feel good about that realisation. I don't want sex. And that's fine. I will not fight any more against my nature. I have accepted that and feel totally at peace with it! But.... the loneliness gets me... Should I have to accept that no sex=no relationship....?

 

I live in Sweden and find that there is hardly anywhere I can get in touch with others like myself here - all the forums and websites I have found here don't have any activities for several years...  I feel like I am the only one like this in the world sometimes! :)

 

I read here and other places that some asexuals do have sexual relationships and families and children - I don't know how you do it... I can't even see myself having sex with someone... It is too remote for me. And for that reason - I have to spend my life alone. Or do I??

 

Are there any asexual men out there willing to share their life with someone like me?

 

I don't get that part about this asexuality of mine... I DO want to live in a relationship with a man, a life partner. I love men. I just don't want to have sex with them - but I do want to spend my life with the man of my life... Huh!??? What is that all about??

 

I don't want to live my life alone. I - like most people I guess - want to share my life with someone. To love and be loved, just not sexually. Therapists said well - that is friendship... 

 

But no, I want more than friendship. I want to share my life with someone! I don't share my life with friends. Although I am blessed with the most wonderful friends one could wish for - all accepting me for who I am and they are like family... like sisters. All women. I don't want to "share my life" with them. What I want is "more" than friendship. 

 

Do I make any sense at all?? :)

 

 

 

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Welcome! There are plenty of people here who are looking for a romantic partner only. Being asexual doesn’t mean forsaking any chance of a relationship, or that you’re any less deserving of love. Aces can find someone, especially someone as lovely as you.You can even check out the Meetup Mart to meet aces in your local area. You never know ;) 

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6 hours ago, Mia71 said:

I will probably never have sex in my life - which means - never any relationship, never any children... I had to accept a life on my own - because I don't want to have sex... And I feel good about that realisation. I don't want sex. And that's fine. I will not fight any more against my nature. I have accepted that and feel totally at peace with it! But.... the loneliness gets me... Should I have to accept that no sex=no relationship....?

Although it may be harder to find the right relationship for you, you can definitely have a relationship without sex. 

 

6 hours ago, Mia71 said:

I don't want to live my life alone. I - like most people I guess - want to share my life with someone. To love and be loved, just not sexually. Therapists said well - that is friendship... 

I think your therapists were wrong about that. There's a variety of relationships between friendship and sexual relationship. You can have a romantic or strong platonic relationship with someone, which are both relationships that don't have to involve sex. 

 

6 hours ago, Mia71 said:

Do I make any sense at all?? :)

Complete sense. From what I've heard, it seems you want a strong platonic or romantic relationship with a man but don't want to have sex. It's a common feeling among aces.

 

You don't have to live life alone. Like @Lichley suggested, try checking the Meetup mart for aces in your area. And there could also be an allosexual (opposite of asexual) guy out there who accepts that you don't want to have sex.

 

We're so glad you found AVEN! Have a slice of cake:cake:

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18 hours ago, Lichley said:

Welcome! There are plenty of people here who are looking for a romantic partner only. Being asexual doesn’t mean forsaking any chance of a relationship, or that you’re any less deserving of love. Aces can find someone, especially someone as lovely as you.You can even check out the Meetup Mart to meet aces in your local area. You never know ;) 

 

Thank you for your sweet reply. <3 

 

It is hard though because I have never in my whole life met anyone else like me.... Where are they? And I can't ask of a normal sexual person to deny that part of themselves for me... I know sex is a big important part of "normal" people's lives - it's an instinct and need just as strong as eating and drinking. 

 

So how do I meet others like me?? I checked the Meetup Mart but found nothing even close to where I live.

 

That is the tough part I guess for people like us... there are so few of us. :(

 

And I never talk about it with other people other than my closest friends and family. I doubt people would understand. I know how they talk about me when I am not around how it is weird that I never mention any boyfriends, girlfriends or relationships... It used to upset me and make me feel weird and freakish... but now I just feel like if you have nothing more interesting than my lack of sharing my personal life with you in your own life - then enjoy the entertainment my "mystery" gives you. LOL.  But it does sting every time I have to introduce myself to new people - like new colleagues etc... It's always all about "I am married, with two children, 12 and 14... bla bla..."  - it makes it so obvious that I miss this part in life - someone to share it with. It hurts.

 

Do other asexuals feel similar feelings like this? Or how do you cope?

 

 

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14 hours ago, AceEllie said:

Although it may be harder to find the right relationship for you, you can definitely have a relationship without sex. 

 

I think your therapists were wrong about that. There's a variety of relationships between friendship and sexual relationship. You can have a romantic or strong platonic relationship with someone, which are both relationships that don't have to involve sex. 

 

Complete sense. From what I've heard, it seems you want a strong platonic or romantic relationship with a man but don't want to have sex. It's a common feeling among aces.

 

You don't have to live life alone. Like @Lichley suggested, try checking the Meetup mart for aces in your area. And there could also be an allosexual (opposite of asexual) guy out there who accepts that you don't want to have sex.

 

We're so glad you found AVEN! Have a slice of cake:cake:

That is so sweet and hopeful. Thank you! <3

 

Yep that is exactly what I want... A strong and close relationship (platonic or romantic - don't know yet the differences..) with a man - but without sex.  

 

Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be much of a network where I live of people like me. So I am not sure how to actually meet that person... And I am also on the older side...! I guess that makes it even more difficult. The younger generation I think is more open about these things, fortunately, than my generation. I doubt most people in my generation even knows that something like asexuality even exists. I had no clue... ! And judging from my therapists - not believing in that asexuality is for real.... 

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@Mia71 You could always make your own post to see if anyone lives near you. It is unfortunate that there are so few of us.  Start with just making yourself more comfortable in the online community, build up your confidence and accept yourself more. They’re hard to find, but there are people out there. Maybe the people near you are just on a different site? Don’t worry yourself so much over it, you’re okay, you’re not broken, you have us and we’ll support you no matter what :) 

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19 hours ago, Lichley said:

@Mia71 You could always make your own post to see if anyone lives near you. It is unfortunate that there are so few of us.  Start with just making yourself more comfortable in the online community, build up your confidence and accept yourself more. They’re hard to find, but there are people out there. Maybe the people near you are just on a different site? Don’t worry yourself so much over it, you’re okay, you’re not broken, you have us and we’ll support you no matter what :) 

Thank you! <3 This is a great place and you all have made me feel very welcome! It is good to have other people knowing what you go through and share the same, or at least similar, feelings! You are SO right, I am in no way broken. I have fully accepted this part of who I am and I am blessed with dear friends and family who accepts me just the way I am <3. But I am not open to just anyone about it, because it is still a very private part of me... It's not like sexual people go around and talk about their sexuality with everyone either... and for us, we have another level of not being the "norm" which makes it even more private to me. 

 

This place is a blessing - because even though I have the best friends I can ask for who love me for who I am and with whom I do talk about my loneliness etc - they can never fully understand me! Here you do! It is amazing.

 

Thank you for your support and encouraging words - they mean a lot! I hope I can also give back to you and others as well when I get more comfortable and more a part of this community!

 

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Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! :cake:

As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. :) The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message.  Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. 

The following are also nifty links to take a look at:  Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's

 Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped!

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