parents' thoughts on me and my identity

[k9thedragon]

hey, I go by k9 a lot of the time with my friends and stuff, but with my parents and teachers and friends at school I'm not ready to come out to get, I let them call me my birth name. For now, it's alright. But there are a few things not so alright.

 

K. My dad doesn't know I'm not straight or cis. My mom, I came out to as gay about 2 years ago. She's very supportive and whatnot. But, 2 years ago I didn't have all the knowledge about myself and stuff to really put a name to my identity. I now identify as panromantic ace. My mom doesn't really know about this, but for some reason I don't really feel comfy telling her yet. But whatever.

 

As for the gender thing, things are a bit more....i don't know. Different. I tried to tell her a year and a half ago I was non binary. She laughed. I told her I wasn't joking. She said, this was probably a part of puberty and me hating my body. And whatever. And I "shouldn't try to change myself because I should learn to love myself the way I am". Which, like, that's totally fine. Only, transitioning or at least wearing a binder, will help me to love my body more because I do love myself but my body just doesn't reflect me. My mom doesn't get this though. She's like, oh, with time it will be fine. Uggghhh.....

 

My mom is very supporting of the LGBTQIA+ community. But when it comes to trans stuff and her own kid, I'm not sure if she can see through the perspective she had of me when I was growing up.

 

Anyways....i don't really know why I'm adding this on here. But, I guess, I want to know if others have any similarities to me. So, let me know if you do.

[Celyn: The Lutening]

Totally similar to you...yeah I don't have a lot else to say. Have some cake 

[butterflyaway]

My story is a lot like yours as well. When my dad found out I was bisexual, he told me I really couldn't know because I'm too young. My stepdad wasn't very accepting of my sexuality and never really has said much to me about it to this day. My mom was extremely supportive when I came out as bisexual about a year ago. I've since figured out that I'm actually a panromantic gray-ace, which I'm pretty sure my mom would never understand. Recently, I've been questioning my gender a lot. I try to hide this questioning phase from everyone, but my mom seemed to figure it out pretty quickly. Though my mom is really accepting of the LGBTQ+ community, she tells me "there's no way you could be trans because you always acted like a girl." Like your mom, my mom told me I needed to learn to love myself and my body the way it is. It doesn't help that I have depression, so my mom says the feeling of being conflicted with my gender is just a symptom of my depression. It seems my mom is willing to accept transgender people, just as long as it's not me.

 

I think our parents have a harder time accepting these things partly because they grew up in a different generation. They grew up at a time when it was widely thought that there are only two genders. Back then, people thought sex = gender, even though we know that not to be true today. Questioning their gender wasn't even something they could do. They didn't have AVEN or tumblr to help them figure it out. Gender stereotypes were also much more ingrained in our parents' generation than they are in ours. They almost have to completely change what has defined gender to them in order to truly understand us. Another thing my therapist pointed out to me is maybe my parents just want to protect me, because trans people are definitely discriminated against in our society. This might be something that's going on with your parents as well. Maybe their lack of acceptance for you (though not right or helpful) is really a form of parental protection. 

 

I guess the point of this super long thing is: 1. you're not alone. I'm really sorry that your parents aren't accepting of your gender identity and that really sucks, but you are definitely not alone in this. keep joining forums and things and communicating with people. have people refer to you as your correct pronouns and name. 2. your parents probably mean well, especially your mom 3. parents can change. though they may seem stuck in their ways and narrow-minded, parents are humans too and they are ever evolving and learning new things every day. Try to be patient with your mom, and know that one day she'll be using your preferred name and pronouns along with everyone else. Also, if you have an LGBTQ+ center in your city, look into programs they have for parents. Oftentimes they'll have support groups to help parents understand and start using your name/pronouns.

 

anyway, I guess that's all I have to say. I just felt the need to post because your story is really similar to mine. I really hope things get better with your parents.

[SkyWorld]

In my opinion, I feel like parents aren’t truly accepting of LGBT+ people if they don’t accept their own child(ren). It’s hypocritical if you ask me.

 

My mom was the same way and saying how much she doesn’t care if someone was gay or trans, yet would say some homo/trans/biphobic comments. She also hasn’t came to accept me for my romanticism, sexuality, and gender. She eventually came around and definitely has been better though. I still had the same opinion before she came around.

 

My suggestion is just be yourself (if you’re in a safe environment). You don’t need to justify yourself to anyone. Perhaps that consistency would explain itself to your parents. 

[CThorne]

I get what everyone is saying... I recently came out to my family Bisexual and Transgender (I assumed I was ace because sex with someone when I'm like this is the grossest thing on the planet.... no offence) and at first they seemed supportive but things changed.

 

A few days afterwards they told me they think I'm more Asexual than anything else (Yes they knew what this was without me having to tell them so Go my family!) Growing up I've never acted boyish... which is totally not true the whole time growing up I was interested in technical toys and things... dolls were nothing to me (not that this means anything but still) I have never been interested in the latest clothes or make-up and things. What they never saw was me messing with my hair to make it shorter and more boyish things... and other stuff I'm not going to go into TMI world lol *Rolls eyes at the countless times my mother has told me I have a lovely figure and should show it off more* I mean for god sake I have had the same hair cut (boring) my entire life, I keep it up because it just annoys me and it makes me feel like I'm pretending to be something I'm not and I will get caught out and made fun of.

 

Recently I've noticed and accepted that mentioning anything about being trans just brings up negative reactions from my parents which of course makes me feel like crap and I don't want that, I finally feel comfortable to be myself which in turn means my defences aren't what they used to be like when I was still 'in the closet' The advice I've been given over and over is just give them time but its difficult to not embrace who I am now.

 

I think my parents are still in denial right now (Yes I've had the 'Everyone else is totally trans but you're just going through a phase' talk, that hurt a surprising amount actually). At first I thought they were ignoring the situation because they thought I would just forget about it and nothing would change and I would just silently take it all back. 

 

But looking at the whole thing I know what I want and I know what feels right and one day I am going to transition because although its scary as hell I know I will be happier that way.

 

Sorry if this post was a jumbled mess and maybe didn't make sense or even have anything to do with the point of this thread... I kinda ramble without thinking sometimes.