paradoc Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 Hi! :-) New to the boards, and still learning. Apologies if this post has already made its rounds. I've recently learned about asexuality, and have been faced with a lot of mixed emotions over it ... On one hand, it seems to describe a lot of my personal experiences, and it's been a relief to know that I'm not the only one out there who feels/thinks this way. ... On the other, I'm deeply saddened: almost as though I'm moving through a bereavement process. I have to process the reality that my life won't follow the standard formula (school-marriage-house-kids) that is so valued by society. I know that there are ways to have these things --- but it still hurts. Has anyone else experienced similar feelings as they've learned about this community and started to process the implications? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 society has lied to everyone. to some of us, it said sex was important. to others, it has said that sex isn't important. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Claire1983 Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 A few years before realized I could be Ace I had a similar sort of experience. Around the time I turned 30 I started to realize that the likelihood of me getting married was dwindling. I also had the opportunity to buy a house which I had always envisioned doing with a husband. It was kind of sad In a way. Now that I realize I’m probably a sexual I understand why things didn’t work out the way I thought they were supposed to and I feel a little better about it. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 You can be ace and still have any or all of those things you wanted. That being said, asexual or not, it's honestly a good thing to not feel like you have to fit your life to a specific rubric dictated by society. That's boring. Make your life your own. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AceEllis Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 Hello! Welcome to AVEN! I'm sorry you're going through a sort of grieving process. All I can do is offer you a big (virtual) hug and promise that you can do whatever you want with your life, asexual or not. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
paradoc Posted March 20, 2018 Author Share Posted March 20, 2018 Thanks for your response, everyone :-) I agree that society is silly ... I've already broken a fair number of norms by being a woman in STEM, but the the relationship issue seems to be more central / deeper than just one's choice of career. We're cultural creatures, and it's hard not to internalise and identify with such big important messages. ... hopefully society is heading in the direction of "more normals" rather than the single normal that we have right now. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mia71 Posted March 20, 2018 Share Posted March 20, 2018 On 2018-03-19 at 6:14 AM, paradoc said: Hi! :-) New to the boards, and still learning. Apologies if this post has already made its rounds. I've recently learned about asexuality, and have been faced with a lot of mixed emotions over it ... On one hand, it seems to describe a lot of my personal experiences, and it's been a relief to know that I'm not the only one out there who feels/thinks this way. ... On the other, I'm deeply saddened: almost as though I'm moving through a bereavement process. I have to process the reality that my life won't follow the standard formula (school-marriage-house-kids) that is so valued by society. I know that there are ways to have these things --- but it still hurts. Has anyone else experienced similar feelings as they've learned about this community and started to process the implications? Oh definitely. And spent years of agonizing therapy to "cure" myself from not being able to fall in love, feeling a strong aversion towards sex and never having felt any sexual attraction to anyone. Until I learned about asexuality and recognized my feelings - even though the therapist dismissed asexuality as a real thing... I have mourned, and accepted. And now I live my life as I am meant to live it. With the only exception that I DO want a relationship - to share my life with the man of my life. But without the sex part. Not having that, and facing growing old alone without a life partner is hurting. So I definitely share these feelings with you. <3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
skepa Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 heya, yeah I feel where you are coming from, but there is a bunch of people that feel the same way. I think I felt more relief than anything because I feel like I could finally identify with others. I can understand not following the main course of life, but there is also the positive side that you are understanding yourself better. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Conspiracy_Web Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 I totally get it, it's upsetting to figure out you might be ace because life will be different for you. And yes, you can still have those things but it gets a bit more complicated. Let yourself be upset, grieve, do what you need. But then remember this isn't a bad thing. It just means different, which can be positive too! You don't have to be tied down by what society expects, you can have adventures and carve your own path. And I think that's kinda amazing. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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