LoganPlastino Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 okay I know what gender is but I'm honestly so confused with myself. hello, I'm Julie/Jay (like I said, I'm confused), I'm 16 and a junior in high school, and up until this point in my life I've always thought I was just a butch lesbian (since 7th grade). recently however I took a dive into gender and what it is and now I'm really confused. to clarify what made me dive into questioning myself and my gender, my boobs are really big (36 DD) and I can't wear anything without being super uncomfortable and self conscious. I just really hate them. then I remembered something my friend said about how she got a binder and she feels so much better now. so I bought myself a binder and, while waiting for it, whenever I walk by a mirror I turn to my side and flatten my boobs and just feel so happy and so much better about my body. then while looking online about how to be safe wearing a binder someone said something like "just to clarify, you don't need to be trans to wear a binder!" and I was like 'oh yeah, I didn't even think about that lol' because I was just buying it so that I felt better about my body and was more confident and not... 'oh.' then I went through this fog of me wondering who the heck I am. I mean, I cut my hair super short in 8th grade and have had it that way since and I came out as gay in 7th grade, but I never remember ever feeling out of place in my body or felt any difference in being called "the wrong pronouns" (being called "boy" or "sir" or "he" etc.) or "the right pronouns" ("she" or "girl" etc.). I've always had more girl friends than guy friends (that's mostly bc everyone in my school kinda sucks so I just have a few good friends who are mostly girls with a few guys) and I played with the classic "girl toys" as a kid and wore dresses and shorts and pants and played with girls and guys alike as a kid. it's just I never thought about it before, but I keep getting this image of me in my head dressed as a boy and I really want that. but I don't want to BE a boy. I dint want testosterone or anything like that. I do prefer boy pronouns to girl pronouns but at the same time I don't really care. I'm confused so I'm sorry if this post is confusing 😂. I just really needed to get my thoughts down. Link to post Share on other sites
Andra Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 I don't know a lot about this topic but to me it sounds like you could be nonbinary or demigirl/demiguy. If you wanna learn more I recommend watching some of Ash Hardell's videos (she is a nonbinary lesbian youtuber) because she has got lots of videos on this topic. Sorry i'm not much help, but maybe check out Ash or something Link to post Share on other sites
LoganPlastino Posted March 19, 2018 Author Share Posted March 19, 2018 6 minutes ago, Andra said: I don't know a lot about this topic but to me it sounds like you could be nonbinary or demigirl/demiguy. If you wanna learn more I recommend watching some of Ash Hardell's videos (she is a nonbinary lesbian youtuber) because she has got lots of videos on this topic. Sorry i'm not much help, but maybe check out Ash or something oh thank you! 😊 Link to post Share on other sites
InfiniteNull Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 Sounds like you're in-progress with your journey. It's OK not to have a definition yet, let yourself think about it for a while. Keep trying on the use of alternative pronouns, especially if they feel good! Keep experimenting with ways to feel better about your body. It sounds like there is transness in there, and some dysphoria, but part of the experience is in the journey of understanding yourself more and more. I'd say keep doing research, watch a ton of youtube, find people who you can relate with their experiences, and then start to decide what labels feel right for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 Jay, your post isn't confusing at all - your experience is pretty much identical to my own. I'm still figuring out my gender *points to question marks around my gender* but for me it's less about the label than about presenting how I want with my clothes and body and getting people to use the pronouns and gendered words I'm comfortable with and avoid the ones I'm not. (For example - I hate "girl" "woman" and "daughter" but "sister" and "lass" are somehow OK.) All the support in the world to you, feel free to PM me if you want to chat some more Link to post Share on other sites
LoganPlastino Posted March 19, 2018 Author Share Posted March 19, 2018 31 minutes ago, InfiniteNull said: Sounds like you're in-progress with your journey. It's OK not to have a definition yet, let yourself think about it for a while. Keep trying on the use of alternative pronouns, especially if they feel good! Keep experimenting with ways to feel better about your body. It sounds like there is transness in there, and some dysphoria, but part of the experience is in the journey of understanding yourself more and more. I'd say keep doing research, watch a ton of youtube, find people who you can relate with their experiences, and then start to decide what labels feel right for you. 15 minutes ago, Celyn said: Jay, your post isn't confusing at all - your experience is pretty much identical to my own. I'm still figuring out my gender *points to question marks around my gender* but for me it's less about the label than about presenting how I want with my clothes and body and getting people to use the pronouns and gendered words I'm comfortable with and avoid the ones I'm not. (For example - I hate "girl" "woman" and "daughter" but "sister" and "lass" are somehow OK.) All the support in the world to you, feel free to PM me if you want to chat some more ahhh okay I wasn't sure if I was confusing 😂 thank you for responding! I feel less stuck in my head now 😊 Link to post Share on other sites
Rosendust Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 15 minutes ago, Celyn said: Jay, your post isn't confusing at all - your experience is pretty much identical to my own. I'm still figuring out my gender *points to question marks around my gender* but for me it's less about the label than about presenting how I want with my clothes and body and getting people to use the pronouns and gendered words I'm comfortable with and avoid the ones I'm not. (For example - I hate "girl" "woman" and "daughter" but "sister" and "lass" are somehow OK.) All the support in the world to you, feel free to PM me if you want to chat some more I relate to the part that I bolded so much! I'm currently going through that myself as of late! Regards, Rosendust Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted March 20, 2018 Share Posted March 20, 2018 Gender Definitions Master List, Forum Etiquette, and FAQ Just a little reference sheet on Gender here if one or anybody feel the need to take a look Link to post Share on other sites
arden_jay Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 Questioning is nothing to be ashamed of - hopefully this means you will find an identity you can be really happy with! I would suggest looking at nonbinary/genderqueer identities and just do some research, see if one feels right for you. I went through the same questioning phase a little while ago, so feel free to message me if you want to talk about stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 Just a little epiphany I had when watching Ash Hardell (thanks @Andra) one of their guests said, in effect, you learn your gender when you look at someone and think "same gender as me". Watching Ash Hardell was one of the first times I ever looked at and listened to someone and had that "click" in my head that told me that we are the same gender. Link to post Share on other sites
Andra Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 I'm so glad you are figuring stuff out and that Ash helped, they are an amazing person and I hope my recommendation helped you. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleBlizzard Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 I'm in high school and am realizing I don't really know what gender I am like I like dressing up but I also love wearing shirts and sweaters but I don't really want to be male and I I'm not quite sure about being female either? Is that okay??? Link to post Share on other sites
arden_jay Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 @LittleBlizzard I would suggest looking at identities such as non-binary, agender, and genderfluid, and see if any of them feel like you. If they don't, look at other genderqueer identities, and don't worry about questioning. Most of us go through it at some point, and there's no shame in trying out different identities and pronouns to see what's comfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
Neutral nerd Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 I'm nonbinary too; I don't feel comfortable being a girl and being perceived as feminine, and sometimes I just feel absolutely miserable with my body. I'm certainly open to change in the future, but I feel like I understand myself more than before ^u^. Before, I had heard about trans people and not understood why everyone was monitoring everybody else's identity and orientation. I hate everything that comes with being female and think that being a male would be better, but my mom told me I didn't have to stick in the binary unless I wanted to. I can just get rid of the things that caused me pain without picking up more baggage i never wanted. Your sense of identity and self is not decided based on your body; if it doesn't reflect how you want to be, you have the right to fix that. And that doesn't mean changing yourself to fit your gender, it means changing your gender to match you. Link to post Share on other sites
zombie-cat Posted March 27, 2018 Share Posted March 27, 2018 You don't have to feel like defining your gender is mandatory. I, personally, choose to disregard gender identity when describing myself. I never really felt strongly about being a girl nor have I wanted to be seen as boy, that's why I used to describe myself as agender just because it seemed the most fitting even though not quite accurate. But then I had an epiphany when one of my teachers said that gender is a social construct and I was like why am I even losing my mind over this. However, if you want to define your gender , that's fine. Also, your gender doesn't have to define how you look or how you behave, the most important thing is that you're comfortable with yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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