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Hopeless&Alone

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Hopeless&Alone

Im 20, and I'm still discovering myself. Who I am, what I want out of life, my sexuality, and all that... So, i am hoping someone can help me... This is a really embarrassing subject for me, but i have no one i can turn to, soo yeah.

 

So, uhm, i still get "turned on" at times, just randomly, I'll be thinking of something and will be turned on, and when i do something about it, or go take care of it, i always feel super disgusted and weirded out afterwards. I hate feeling turned on and i cant stand having to take care of it. I was hoping there was another way to approach it. Some way that doesn't leave me feeling weird and uncomfortable... 

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paperbackreader

I kind of empathise with this. For ages I misread the feeling of arousal and then I went through a period of satisfying the urge, and then abstinence from,... And all those mixed feelings you describe in between. Personally I'm not big on changing myself biologically through hormonal stuff etc, thus I dealt with it by researching it and telling myself all the usual stories : It's biological. I'm not hurting anyone. It apparently boosts good feeling hormones and has been linked to improved health. There's nothing wrong with it. 

 

It doesn't bother me now eventhough it did bother me a lot when I was younger. After pubertyish, it hasn't been that frequent for me. So maybe things will change. 

 

Talking about it helps and I'm sure you'll find other people who can share their experiences here. Hope you feel better soon, always happy to talk if you need. 

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there is no embarrassment to be had here, you are fine. look towards accepting yourself, even the paradoxes. ask yourself why you feel disgust. and buy yourself a fancy cupcake.

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I speak with no practical knowledge but I do read A LOT! There seem to be two methods to dealing with undesired arousal: 1) physically taking care of it; 2) mentally inducing a state of non-arousal. Men seem to quote baseball stats a lot. Given my knowledge of Pavlovian conditioning I do worry that this just means that when the men hear baseball stats they will get aroused, but apparently this isn't an issue anyone talks about. So you could just focus on training yourself in some form of mediation or mental focus that reduces your arousal. I don't really know what women do; it isn't an issue that comes up in literature or film, presumably because female arousal is not usually noticeable and therefore rarely causes social awkwardness.

 

On the other hand, you could explore precisely what causes your issues with taking care of the issue physically. Is it the physical or mental sensations before, during and/or after that are causing the feeling of disgust? I personally had a very strict upbringing in terms of sexual conduct - masturbation of any kind was considered to be a lapse in self-discipline/control and to be counted as a personal failing. So of course, even thinking about trying any such activity induced a sense of shame. Of course, as I'm on the sex-averse end of sex-neutral I wasn't interested in attempting it myself regardless, but I can see how it might have caused issues for sexuals brought up in the same ethos. What would you consider to be your training within your family, social groups, and nation to be regarding masturbation? Do you think these might be contributing to your personal feelings about the act?

 

From a standpoint of being sensation sensitive, I know that certain kinds of touch from skin or fabrics can weird me out, as well as certain textures regarding lotions and the like. Or perhaps it is the visual results that cause the weirdness? I suppose it is even possible that the actual orgasm itself causes the feeling of being weirded out if there is a disconnect between your mental state and the physical sensation of pleasure. 

 

You might want to go to The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions forum and The Sex Talk forum to get much more explicit advice and conversation on this topic. 

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