I think I might be in the asexual spectrum but I am not sure

[Etérea]

So I've been questioning for years if I fall in the asexual spectrum somehow, but this is the first time I actually try to ask anyone that might be able to give me an answer. SInce I was a teenager I felt weird when my friends spoke about how attractive people made them feel sexual atraction. I was able to appreciate the beauty in those people, but I felt nothing more about them that what I would feel looking at a nice painting. I do feel sexual attraction. It is extremely uncommon (once in every three years maybe) and it has nothing to do with physical appearance, but with how I feel about this people. Every time I feel sexualy atracted to anyone I eventually develop romantic feelings for them. However, I don't need to have any strong bond with them, which I guess excludes me from demisexuality.

In addition, I do feel like having sex sometimes. But in those occasions I usually have sex with people I don't feel sexualy atracted for. Does that make sense?

Thank you so much for reading what I wrote and providing me some answers.

Finally, sorry about my English. It is my second language and I still write like if I were 10.

 

[Orianaro]

Your English was fine  English is pretty convoluted, I'm learning Latin right now and the lack of "is" and "a" and lax use of most pronouns (he, she, they) is absolutely wonderful.

 

I'm not sure if you've heard of grey-sexual, but I think that might be on the right track. Basically, it's rare or uncommon feelings of sexual attraction. There's some flexibility there with what that means to you, of course. I see you are aware of demisexuals, which would have been my second kind of guess. There are entire lists of obscure, specific terms but I can't narrow those down for you, the best I can do is tell you of their existence because I didn't spend very long contemplating my sexuality (it was an easy "asexual? Hmm that fits", and I attribute that ). Romanticism was a whole other question - that took months, at least. Also, don't be afraid to change a label. With asexuality and aromanticism, or the general lack of something, its easier to change as you can find yourself experiencing something you weren't expecting years down the line and then rethinking the whole thing. They're much more uncertain than most other orientations, because it feels like you're perpetually waiting for more information that might never come. As well, feel free to choose whatever label feels the most comfortable. Often that is the most accurate one, but for instance, I label myself aromantic even though I consider myself a touch cupioromantic. But aromantic feels more comfortable and simple, so I go with that anyways.

 

I think developing romantic feelings with sexual feelings (in whatever order, I'm not sure if there is a normal progression there because I feel neither) is a pretty normal thing. It seems to be the expected thing, and people are often worried that friends-with-benefits with accidentally lead to romantic feelings, so that seems to fit with your experience. Also, just because you don't feel the attraction for a sex with a person doesn't mean your libido or sex drive is low, so you could still have a normal sex drive and some asexuals are fine just masturbating, I guess having sex works too. Most would find it uncomfortable, but then grey-sexual would still be a good fit.

 

Anyways, I hope that helps  I know how nice it is to be able to put a label to yourself, though you don't need one if you don't want one and it doesn't have to be perfect. For that matter, you could always try one out for a bit and see what happens. I honestly had to settle with mine for a bit before it felt like it was right for me. Either way, good luck!  

[roland.o]

Hello and welcome, @Etérea! Have some cake...

 

I second Orianaro's suggestion of going with grey-sexual, if you feel good about that label.

Here is an incomplete (!) list of other labels, maybe you find something that fits even better?

 

21 hours ago, Etérea said:

I do feel like having sex sometimes. But in those occasions I usually have sex with people I don't feel sexualy atracted for. Does that make sense?

While I don't share that experience, it makes total sense to me on an intellectual level. Attraction complicates matters. If you just want to have sex without those complications, you'd do it with people that are nice enough and interest in participating, but to which you're not particularily attracted.

 

Cheers, and cake...

[arden_jay]

I agree with Orianaro, this sounds a lot like greysexuality to me.