am I Demisexual/graysexual or is it something else

[thisisjustconfusing]

Haaai

hello I am a newbie here because am confused. I started seeing some guy and on the second date he wanted to kiss and I was like okay lets do it. but 2 seconds in I just couldn't do it anymore so I stepped back. I thought that it was just a one time thing but the second and third time he tried to kiss me I did the same for some reason. I really didn't like the kissing. on the third date he tried again but I just figured I'd tell him I didn't like the kissing. and told him that I am demi but I am not sure. Because I could be full lesbian but not know it, demisexual, or he just really can't kiss. (Btw I don't know if I posted this right)

[roland.o]

Hello and welcome to the AVEN forums, @thisisjustconfusing! Have some cake... And don't worry, you posted alright

 

An experience with one guy is not much data, I wouldn't recommend to generalize on your sexual orientation from that. Chances are that the two of you were just not compatible in your kissing style. Maybe he came on too strong or too quickly, rubbed you the wrong way, or whatever. If you don't feel an unstoppable urge to re-label yourself right now, you shouldn't overrate a negative three-dates experience.

 

It's up to you to choose your labels, of course. You might be demisexual. But at least for me, kissing falls into the realm of sensual rather than sexual experiences. Also, for many demisexuals, it takes months or maybe years of knowing someone until they can develop sexual attraction. And even if you were dating that guy for three months before kissing, it could be just a personal incompatibility, while you would get along with another guy quite fine. So from my point of view, this experience is not enough to tell whether you're demi or not.

 

Mind you, my recommendation is just based on this single episode of your life that you shared with us. You're the only one who knows all of your feelings, and who has lived through all of your experiences. There might be other things that give a stronger indication towards or against demisexuality, demisensuality, or demiromanticity. And that's why you are the only one qualified to choose your labels. And you are always free to choose different labels, when the old ones don't fit you anymore. Just take your time.

 

I hope this helps a little.

[arden_jay]

Like roland.o said, it's probably a good idea to do a bit of research and explore what your identity means for you. It can be a lengthy process, but it's worth it. Good luck!