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Questions about my asexuality


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Recently while speaking with my sister, she mentioned that I’m probably asexual. My dad thinks I’m straight, my mother thinks I’m gay. Up until now I haven’t really thought about it. So I guess that’s where my first question comes in: I’ve never been completely attracted to someone unless I’ve been friends with them for a while, and on top of that, I’ve liked (if it can be considered liking) friends that were girls and guys. So what does this make me? 

My next question relates to depression causing Asexuality. If I’m considered to be asexual, then I’m positive I’m this way due to being raised having anxiety and depression. After 17 years I’m finally getting help for those two things, and it makes me wonder how that’ll effect my sexuality. Will it change at all after I get better, or will I still be the same person entirely? 

I’d really appreciate any answers anyone can give me. I’m not exactly desperate, just kinda tired of being confused about it. ^-^’

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Being attracted to someone after forming an emotional connection is demi-sexual or demi-romantic depending on what sort of attraction you're feeling.  It's under the ace umbrella and there are some areas of the forum for those.  As for the mental issues, those can cause your libido to decrease, but asexuality is about whether you're attracted to someone sexually.  Libido and sexual attraction are separate.  I am on zoloft and it has totally killed my libido, but that lead me to consider if my anxiety had caused me to mistake my feelings toward people for sexual attraction rather than romantic or aesthetic attraction.  I would certainly talk to your therapist about how that's affecting your desire for sex,  but your sexual orientation is independent of that.

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Hey Dog God

 

Welcome to AVEN! Make yourself at home (:

 

From reading your post it sounds like you are either demisexual or demiromantic! This means that you only experience attraction when a deeper, more emotional bond has been established. It's a term that falls under the ace umbrella so you'll find plenty of people on AVEN who will identify the same as you (:

 

In my opinion, depression, anxiety, trauma, etc., usually is not the "cause" of asexuality because asexuality is an orientation someone is born with, however, I think it's definitely possible for it to add further impact onto asexuality. I think it's awesome that you are seeking professional help, you have achieved the hardest part in the recovery process! I'm not 100% sure if it can help you grow out of asexuality and such, but seeking guidance may be able to help you understand sexuality and relationships better as a whole.

 

About a decade ago, I went through a mildly traumatic event which significantly changed my perspective on relationships. This added negative impact on top of my asexuality, however seeking professional help recently, I was able to work through all of the fears I had about relationships. My sexuality hasn't done a 180, but I'm feeling much more relieved that I gave myself a chance to view the good qualities in relationships.

 

My DMs are always open if you need to get stress off your chest (:

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binary suns
10 hours ago, Dog God said:

Recently while speaking with my sister, she mentioned that I’m probably asexual. My dad thinks I’m straight, my mother thinks I’m gay. Up until now I haven’t really thought about it. So I guess that’s where my first question comes in: I’ve never been completely attracted to someone unless I’ve been friends with them for a while, and on top of that, I’ve liked (if it can be considered liking) friends that were girls and guys. So what does this make me? 

My next question relates to depression causing Asexuality. If I’m considered to be asexual, then I’m positive I’m this way due to being raised having anxiety and depression. After 17 years I’m finally getting help for those two things, and it makes me wonder how that’ll effect my sexuality. Will it change at all after I get better, or will I still be the same person entirely? 

I’d really appreciate any answers anyone can give me. I’m not exactly desperate, just kinda tired of being confused about it. ^-^’

it is true that depression, anxiety, and other emotional hindrances can repress a person's sexuality. If you feel your sexual orientation is starting to bloom as you heal from your past, adapt to it :) it'll be okay! If things don't change, that is okay too! 

 

If you don't want to have sex now or before in your life, embrace that and don't have sex - don't hurt yourself okay? but if it so happens that in the future sex becomes something you'd like - that's when it matters to identify it. It's okay if you want to identify as asexual for the time being - or perhaps as questioning - and then to better-identify your orientation later if you ever feel a need to. 

 

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Thank you all for your swift responses, you’ve given me a good basis to think on and contemplate further ^-^ 

I look forward to being a part of this community

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