Jea Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 Hey! So yesterday I was at a folk music event and there was this woman wearing a black ring on the middle finger of her right hand. She was about 60 or 70 (I'm 22) so I didn't dare ask and I didn't have my own ring with me. There is the same event tonight and I'll definitely bring my ring with me in case she's there again. Do you have any advice on whether and how to approach her? Are there big chances that it's actually an ace ring or could it be a coincidence? She wasn't wearing a ring on the other hand either... It's the first time I stumble on someone with an ace ring and I don't want to miss the opportunity for a chat, but I don't want to be rude, and maybe it's not even an ace ring, in which case I'd look stupid... It's too crowdy to count on her noticing my own ring unless I actually engage in conversation with her. Any advice welcome Link to post Share on other sites
ripley Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 Maybe if she’s there you could compliment her on it, and if that works for striking up a conversation ask if it holds any special meaning to her. If you do wear your own too you could always say it reminded you of your own and show her. If it were me I might say something like ‘hey, this might seem really random, but I couldn’t help but notice your ring. It looks really cool / it looks similar to the one I’m wearing and I just thought that was really interesting for some reason!’ Drawing attention to both your ring and hers might make her feel more comfortable in conversing too Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 I personaIIy wouldn't approach someone wearing a black ring on their right hand in case they're a swinger D: they're meant to avoid the middle finger but I'd be too scared to risk it!! You couId stiII try taIking to her though, just make sure to clarify you're asexuaI and not a swinger (they swap their partners around for sex) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 Quote Certain jewellery According to Cooper Beckett, host of the Life on the Swingset podcast, many swingers wear a black ring. He told The Stranger: "Wear your black ring on your right hand if you are out and open to meet other swingers. "If someone wearing a black ring on their right hand approaches you, start a conversation with them, 'I see you're wearing a black ring on your right hand. Maybe we are in the same club'." https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/3701254/signs-of-swingers-plants-rings-flamingos/ D: Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 The thought of being approached by swingers is terrifying, but most swinger groups avoid the right middle finger because that's specifically for aces. And if approached, it would be pretty simple to explain that it's an ace ring, not a swinger one. I think Ripley's on the right track for how to approach if you see someone wearing a black ring on the middle right finger - I do and I would be happy for someone to start off like she suggested. Link to post Share on other sites
Claire1983 Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 I agree with Ripley and Celyn, compliment the ring an go from there. If she is ace she likely wears it for this exact situation/ Link to post Share on other sites
Cobie Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 1 hour ago, FictoVore. said: I personaIIy wouldn't approach someone wearing a black ring on their right hand in case they're a swinger D: they're meant to avoid the middle finger but I'd be too scared to risk it!! ... Exactly, me too. Plus, I don't wear the ring myself. That's because people around here just now 'black ring = swinger' (and no, they really don't keep up with online recommendations for swingers as to which finger to avoid). I really don't want to be mistaken for a swinger. I think we need a better ring, something multicoloured, white, grey, black and purple. Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 A better symbol (not necessarily a ring) would be nice Link to post Share on other sites
Cobie Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 30 minutes ago, Celyn said: A better symbol (not necessarily a ring) would be nice That's what I thought too, so I just made a new topic about it You're right, it doesn't need to be a ring, I hadn't thought about that. I'll link your post into my new topic. I'd still prefer purple over black though. Link to post Share on other sites
fiѕh Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 why is everyone sounding like swingers are scary so what if you accidentally strike up a conversation with a swinger... Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 14 minutes ago, fiѕh said: why is everyone sounding like swingers are scary so what if you accidentally strike up a conversation with a swinger... Because strangers in general are terrifying - I'm very introverted, though. Swingers no more or less than anyone else. (Asexuals, though, are the least scary). Link to post Share on other sites
Jea Posted March 17, 2018 Author Share Posted March 17, 2018 Thanks all! I'm not really scared of her being a swinger, first because she's like 70 and it'd be a bit weird (I think? at least to wear the ring would be), and secondly because, what if she is? Only bad thing about it is her not being ace, in which case it'd be awkward I'm not very introverted anyway, probably ambivert, anyway I like conversation with random people and we're all just fiddlers playing together so it's not exactly like walking up to a random person in the mall or something, we are in a good setting for that. But I'd be super happy if someone talked to me about my ring because they wore one too, meeting another ace in a totally non-lgbt setting is quite rare and I'd hate to miss that. And I imagine if she IS ace she might not know many ace people irl since most people who know about asexuality are around my age and her friends would be much older. So I'll risk the awkwardness for the possibility to make someone happy. I think I'll try it like ripley said -- if she's even there that is! I'll let you know how it goes, if I talk to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Éadweard Posted March 18, 2018 Share Posted March 18, 2018 Black rings on any finger is pretty commonplace nowadays. Sorry to tell you it was probably just someone who liked the ring. Link to post Share on other sites
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