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Trying to work out my romantic orientation


ben8884

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So I know I have written a little about this before but I am trying to work out what my romantic orientation is and would value some input.

First I guess some background would help.

Growing up I have had loads of minor crushes but nothing serious. To me crushes are like colds, I get them, it sucks for a couple of weeks I basically move on. In my 33 years there have been 3 women who I might have had feelings for.

The first occurred when I was around 15 she lived hours away and was not interested. I was sad but basically OK.

The second may have actually been asexual now that I think about it and perhaps demi romantic. She also did not return my feelings but I was OK with this and we remained friends for a long time. I sorta already knew she didn't feel like that I was, I guess in my early to mid 20s.

When I discovered asexuality I sort of thought I was a lithromantic in that deep down I didn't want a woman to return my affections. I would dabble in online dating feeling lonely and depressed at not getting anywhere but also freaking out when someone replied to a message.

About 2 years ago however I actually fell in love. This woman too did not return my feelings but it was different. I actually want her to and would do anything to be with her. It got so awkward that I basically cannot be around her anymore. So this makes me think I am not as lithromantic as I once thought. 

Am I like a dark grey romantic? Without her returning my feelings I cannot I feel be 100% sure but I think this best fits me. Like I said unlike the others this was different like, I actually genuinely want her to return my feelings hence my thinking grey romantic but like, a dark grey romantic. Thoughts?

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Since there was someone you were romantically attracted to 2 years ago, you might consider yourself demiromantic (romantic attraction is very rare, you can only be romantically attracted to someone you first have a close emotional bond to), or as you said, dark grey romantic.

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Sounds about right. Which seems closer? Unrelated but I hate being in love.

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If you need a close emotional connection to someone to be romantically attracted to them, then it seems demiromantic. Otherwise dark greyromantic may be a better descriptor.

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I feel like i don't need to be close to someone for a crush but actual romantic feelings? Totally

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