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Companionship for aromantics???


Amma

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so i've recently come out as asexual to my mom-but my sister read my texts and said i'd end up alone. what are my options as an aro/ace? should i just get a cat or something?? or a roommate? maybe it's too early for me to be thinking of this (as a 15-year-old) but it's just been on my mind...

 

thanks <3

Amma

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Platonic Underdog

You have different options. Yes the pet one is an option, but, off of the top of my head, you can have a roommate, move in with a friend or even have a queer platonic relationship. It's perfectly okay for you to be curious about your options at any age 😊

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4 minutes ago, Platonic Underdog said:

You have different options. Yes the pet one is an option, but, off of the top of my head, you can have a roommate, move in with a friend or even have a queer platonic relationship. It's perfectly okay for you to be curious about your options at any age 😊

thanks, oh wise one <3 good to know it's not weird to think about your options as a teen :) 

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Platonic Underdog

You're most certainly welcome. I'm only 21 so I'm still learning new terms and phrases about the ace/aro spectrum so I'm happy to help out when I can. And besides, sexual and romantic people talk about marriage and dating options so why can't we ace/aros talk about😊

 

P.s I agree @Zenzencat104 cats are a very good option. Very cuddly and purrs are always encouraged 😺😺😺

 

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There are so many options for you to consider, and you're only really limited by what you decide you want from your relationships. I've dated in the past, and my relationships after I found out about the asexual community were so much more rewarding because by then I knew where I wanted to draw the line, what I was happy to consider or do, and I was able to communicate that to my partners. Right now I'm focusing on developing and enjoying my relationships with friends, family and my wider community, and I'm finding that just as, if not more rewarding than working on a relationship with one person. 

 

Being aromantic or asexual doesn't mean you'll be forever alone, all it means is that you might not experience romantic/sexual attraction. What you do with that knowledge is completely up to you :) 

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1 hour ago, Amma said:

so i've recently come out as asexual to my mom-but my sister read my texts and said i'd end up alone. what are my options as an aro/ace? should i just get a cat or something?? or a roommate? maybe it's too early for me to be thinking of this (as a 15-year-old) but it's just been on my mind...

 

thanks <3

Amma

A lot of aromantic people have friends (sometimes even one best friend who lives with them) so if you have friends you're not alone :o there are also plenty of non-aromantic people who end up single and pining for love (which can make them utterly miserable) so I don't think your mum and sister thought that one through properly. Being non-aromantic doesn't automatically mean you'll end up with someone 'special' in your life, and being aromantic doesn't automatically mean you'll always be 'alone'!

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I'm also 15, and I like over-analyze literally everything, so I have given this an incongruous amount of thought, especially being solidly aromantic and asexual but also a little cupiromantic (I kinda like the idea/am fascinated by romantic relationships, and I like the theory, but I just don't have the attraction). You have a surprising amount of options depending on how flexible you and the people around you are, really. If you find the right person, you could do whatever the heck you wanted. You could just live with a best friend who you've come to an agreement with, find another aro or ace person that has maybe decided the same thing as you, settle on pets, or have a QPR or something. You can also still date, its just if something really gets serious (preferably beforehand but you might get frustrated at how many people refuse to give you a chance), its best to explain yourself to the other person and find something that works for you guys. If the other person understands that you can love them without expressing it in sex, kisses, or candlelit dinners, (though you may or may not still enjoy those things anyways) then you should be good. 

 

QPRs are an especially attractive option. Because they can be pretty much whatever you want them to be: you could marry your QPR, live the rest of your life with them or have kids, or you could be best pals and each have a romantic partner while also having the QPR. You could have multiple QPRs. QPRs are like anything that's a relationship that's unable to be defined by friendship (deeper feelings, the like) or how I like to think of it, a romantic relationship without the romance. (I'm in a QPR and that's pretty much our exact words for it.) Its up to the QPR to decide what the QPR does, really. Of course, finding a QPR is... difficult? They don't have a lot of exposure outside of aromantic communities, so a lot of QPRs that make themselves look more exclusive like to make it simple and tell people it's romantic. (My own QPR has basically decided that we'll do that if our friendship gets too hard to explain, and people already think we're dating anyways, so if it'll let us have more space then we're cool with it.) If you want emotional closeness without romantic stuff, then a QPR is what I would suggest.

 

Really, only your imagination, availability of willing people, and ability to explain what you want limits you here. Trust me though, aromanticism is not synonymous with lonely, in fact it predisposes you to feeling "complete" while single and therefore happier and less frantic for a relationship. So, don't worry, feel free to express yourself, and mentally prepare for everything :P 

 

(If all else fails get a cat. They will begrudgingly love you forever :P) 

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I've also given this topic a lot of thought. I know a lot of people on here are suggesting just getting a cat, which is great if that's all you need, but for the majority of people I imagine it won't come close to filling all of your social, emotional, supportive needs. 

I came to the realization I need someone to live with platonically. Not to be on top of each other constantly, but I need someone who I can talk to and someone just to be there. 

So I'd definitely be looking for a roommate who is preferably a close friend and preferably also ace or aro, at least someone who won't leave as soon as they start dating someone. 

 

I guess my advice for you is to consider what level of companionship you'd want in the future. Would a pet be satisfactory company? How about a best friend you can spend every weekend with? Or would you want the next level, something like a QPR? 

 

Of course this is all just stuff to think about, you are very young to be worrying about loneliness, I truly don't think you have anything to worry about :)

 

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11 hours ago, SilentRose said:

I guess my advice for you is to consider what level of companionship you'd want in the future. Would a pet be satisfactory company? How about a best friend you can spend every weekend with? Or would you want the next level, something like a QPR? 

yes, one thing for the opening poster to consider would qpr (queer platonic relationship)

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Go for what you think you need. If the cat appeals, get one. If the roommate appeals, seek one. If QPR, and so on.

 

At 15, I think it is very early to start thinking in terms of "future" and such. For one thing, you aren't that long off puberty - many people simply have delayed sexual development, and you'd have to end up ditching the cat if you suddenly found yourself horny for a classmate at 18 and couldn't get private space with her because your roommate was home. lol.

 

Jokes apart, I would not set this in concrete in a hurry. The place I grew in was not as focused on sexuality and also I am over 40, so the times were different, but if anyone were to give me descriptions of various sexualities and find one that fit me, I'd pick asexual right till the minute before I felt my first attraction at 16. I simply didn't get sex, attraction, why in the world were the boys hovering like pesky flies.... and what the hell was wrong with everyone that they suddenly were losing interest in "normal" things. Maybe it was delayed development, maybe my development was just fine, but because of my asocial and demi/appres-sexual tendencies, attraction didn't kick in for that long?

 

Or you could end up really ace. You'll have plenty of time to figure it out. What you will need as an adult will be very different from what you can anticipate and plan for at 15 anyway.

 

In the sense, do what you need right now. Right now, you don't desire sex. You seem to desire exclusive company of some sort. Seek what you need.

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