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Is how I feel bad of me?


rainbowteacake

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rainbowteacake

Obviously I don’t purposely (purposefully?) lead people on, but part of me finds it somewhat empowering that to a small point I can sometimes persuade others to work in my favour because of the slight power I’ve got due other people’s tempt of the flesh, so to speak. And obviously as an asexual, it’s something I’m immune to (and hopefully always will be). What I’m asking about being bad is the fact that there’s situations such as seeing people who seem to find me sexually attractive, or are desperately trying to seduce me, to no avail. It’s like I feel invigorated at the fact that sexually, no one has a hold over me and I’m totally aware of that and for tiny things, sometimes use that to work in my favour.

I know it’s bad, but sometimes I get a kind of high feeling from seeing the frustration in someone’s face when their attempts to seduce me don’t work.

disclaimer: I’m really sorry if I sound manipulative and narcisstic, it’s just that in a weird way, I kind of feel like I’ve been freed from something, though obviously there is NOTHING wrong with being a sexual person

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Causing someone minor frustration because their usual behaviour patterns aren't working is not something to be concerned about. Encouraging them to engage in this behaviour knowing that you are going to reject it, is more of an issue - though certainly this is a standard of behaviour in certain sub sections of the sexual population. I'm sure you have seen movies where the pretty girl encourages the slightly nerdy boy to continue to crush on her in order to get him to continue to provide her with some kind of service for no other repayment. Generally, however, in the sexual community, I believe that this is seen as 'bad / immature' behaviour but this doesn't stop attractive people utilizing people's attraction towards them to gain benefits. 

 

The standard / normalised use of sexual attraction to persuade / manipulate people is actually the issue here. Certainly taking back your power to make choices not influenced by biological and socially constructed attraction forces should be something you can take pride in.

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Honestly, the happiness makes total sense. You're delivering a slap in their face for all the asexuals who have sexuals getting mad at them because they didn't get something you never offered (sex). You're watching their assumption that everyone is okay with sexual things get brutally challenged by denying them that, so you're kind of showing them up and screaming in their face that "not everyone wants this!" Personally, I appreciate and feel satisfaction for you doing that, because it feels like the perfect karma. I mean its a little mean if you're really trying to make it look like you're leading them on, but everyone has the right to say no at any point during relationships like that and people shouldn't be frustrated when someone exercises that right. I'd like to think of you as a karma angel going around reminding people of that :P I mean yeah it still a little mean, but its understandable and a pretty harmless form of immaturity all things considered.

 

I actually do a somewhat similar thing except with flirting. I'm aromantic, and apparently aromantic people can be kind of accidentally flirty. I apparently do that and I see why now: guys don't give each other a lot of emotional intimacy whereas girls share profusely between each other, but aromantics don't really see the flirting/romantic boundaries and so by treating a guy like just another girl I'm being far more intimate and casual than they're used to which makes them assume that it's more romantic (this is actually a serious issue for some people who can't make guy friends who don't misinterpret and start hitting on them.) I don't lead people on exactly, but its like having a weird superpower to make people feel really happy that they're being noticed. its kind of fun.

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RottenInDenmark

i see where you are coming from as i had this as well in the past. i don't blame you for enjoying this, just' make sure it don't get out of hand. 

my story regarding this

i don't consider myself beautiful or ''sexy''. Just that it seem i always had way of being charming(i guess) and people find that attractive. I never did make it a habit of leading people on, in fact i was quite shocked every time someone tried to come on to me. I was shy and suck' at socializing and didn't go out to find someone to smash'. so seducing did nothing.  i would try to be respectful and turn them down gently. in most chases they came on 'too strong' and i would ignore it. 

But i will admit there were sometimes i enjoyed seeing the fear in a 'smooth-talking, creepy guys' eyes',  when their attempt to do what was considered sexy'' was to no avail. like i was an unobtainable ice-waffle all wanted, and that somehow gave me self esteem. 

weird side of me enjoyed a little being on a high ground, that i was 'in a way' teaching these youngsters, that they shouldn't jump to conclusion when meeting a person for the first time. ( and that it's not okay to jump a persons bones after showing you 5 minutes of human decency ). and that Asexual people exists.

I won't say this was always good.

I try to be a better person, course there were one' time where it got out of hand. and ''i lead on'', one of my friends' and turned them down, hurting their self esteem.

In criticism to myself, and defense i could have lead them on unintentionally. without realizing it.

 

but that is the difference between people' you wanna let down easy. then there is Creeps where you have your rights to say No', and they should respect it, and it' should end there

It's only cruel when you are leading them on' with cruel intentions of shooting them down, or only thinking what you can get from them. This ''power over people'', it's like playing with fire.

Fun at times, but you can set the house on fire. and people aren't gonna praise you for putting out' the fire, when you coursed it. 

:) 

 

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