Jump to content

Getting used to “they/them” pronouns


butterflydreams

Recommended Posts

InfiniteNull
29 minutes ago, Entropic said:

They are happy would not be considered singular by anyone decently well-read in the English language until about now, when it would refer to one person of undefined gender. I don't limit this use to non-binary folks. 

Most people casually follow this usage when they don't know the gender of a person. After all if someone is sad, you tell them a joke until they are happy... 

 

like it or not, English usage ain't always going to be consistent over time. (sorry, had to find a way to use ain't lol)

Link to post
Share on other sites
Mezzo Forte
1 hour ago, Entropic said:

Then let me clarify: it's not grammatically correct to use singular they with how Facebook introduced it. I didn't say you can't use singular they, but I understand why some people experience it to be clunky. 

 

Consider this:

They is happy. 

If the rule was always "is=singular" and "are=plural" 100% of the time, then both "you are" and "you is" would be grammatically correct depending on how many people "you" refers to. English just has weird rules/exceptions. :P 

 

 

In regards to the main topic, the two biggest things are learning to hear your slips (which it sounds like you do) and simply using the pronouns more. Experience shapes perception, and eventually, they pronouns stop sounding quite so foreign. Honestly, since my experience with they pronouns started online and I only have so many nonbinary people I speak about in daily life, I do slip up on rare occasion, even during times when I feel like I have no excuse (such as with people who I've only ever known as nonbinary.) The practice helps though.

 

I remember one YouTuber saying that to get the pronouns engrained, he would imagine the person, and then on repeat, say "[name], they, them" in private, which apparently helped.

 

The questions about pronouns are always a joy, and I guess the best way to ask this person about their comfort being potentially outed in conversation. Their reaction should give you some gauge. Either way, best of luck with everything :) 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ms. Carolynne

"They" is grammatically correct, that is a neutral pronoun in English, and it can be singular.

 

I know in other languages they do the same. In German, for example, children are referenced with neutral pronouns (or so I was taught).

 

I often use they, particularly if I don't know the person's gender; for example, on other online forums where gender often isn't displayed or otherwise stated. Nobody seems to mind.

 

I find it odd that people are off put by this. I've been doing so even before I was aware of non-binary identities.

 

I think this is just one of those cases where a language lacks a precise word for something, so something similar to it is used. "They" is the closest we have for a neutral pronoun in the singular form. Unless you count neo-pronouns, but virtually nobody uses those in my experience.

 

 

As for the topic of the OP, I think you'll get used to it, and it probably won't stand out too much. If it does, I guess a quick mention as to why would do, if your friend doesn't mind.

 

You don't have to give an in-depth explanation btw, noting that they wish to be referenced neutrally should do.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lucas Monteiro
5 hours ago, Entropic said:

See my clarification on what I meant. I was not speaking of the use of they in phrases like these when I wrote it's not grammatically correct, but rather phrases like the ones I provided. 

Ah, understood your point. That's true too, for some phrases and situations it's still hard to get to be said grammatically correct. But just like others said, language evolves and adapts, in the future this may or may not be correct and using they in every singular situation could be normal. But that depends on how society sees non-binary people and if are truly comfortable doing those changes.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Aroace...Artimus

Everyone struggles when they hear new terminology they need to use and don’t know how to use it correctly. Just practice a lot. I practice using they/them/theirs pronouns in casual conversation so when I’m actually in casual conversations, I don’t screw up someone’s pronouns. Same thing with other pronouns like hir/hir/hirs, ey/em/eir, aer/aer/aers, per/per/pers, faer/faer/faers, xe/xem/xyr, kay/kay/kays, zan/zan/zans, zed/zed/zeds, etc. I know it might be hard and confusing, but, knowing you’re using people’s pronouns correctly and making everyone comfortable is basically the reward.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lonemathsytoothbrushthief

@Lucas Monteiro I think pronouns in English versus other languages don't have the same meaning to people though, I mean when grammatical gender is present in the way everything around you is referred to some non binary people who speak a language of that sort will just choose one of the existing options without worrying about it, but when it's a language in which grammatical gender is used almost exclusively when it involves our own perceptions of each others' gender(and, since so many people mix up sex and gender, this includes for animals even though they technically would only have a sex) it's harder to just accept the pronouns which others use to refer to you. I think all people just have to understand that there is no universal approach to it really.

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/18/2018 at 5:30 PM, Lucas Monteiro said:

Ah, understood your point. That's true too, for some phrases and situations it's still hard to get to be said grammatically correct. But just like others said, language evolves and adapts, in the future this may or may not be correct and using they in every singular situation could be normal. But that depends on how society sees non-binary people and if are truly comfortable doing those changes.

Yeah, I could have been clearer from the start, sorry. I just assumed that since the context of the discussion was about gender neutral pronouns being wonky in English speech, I was only speaking in terms of when "they" would replace other forms of pronouns in regular text even when the use of "they" would normally be grammatically incorrect. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...
Artsy Anvil

I’d say to just practice. Try writing or typing different pronouns in regular sentences. That’s what I do. For me, it’s easier to do they/them/theirs pronouns since I use them, but, with other pronouns like per/pers/pers, hir/hirs/hirs, kay/kays/kays, (f)aer/(f)aers/(f)aers, and more, it is definitely a bit of a task to try to use them correctly in order to not misgender someone.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...