nectarine Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Hey guys, I'm new here, and I really need your help. It says in the FAQ that an asexual is "1.Someone who does not experience sexual attraction to any gender." and "2. Someone who has no desire for partnered sex.". I feel like these don't suit me, because mentally I'm eager for sex and closeness with my partner, but physically I'm in a totally different place. I have never had an orgasm and never been wet. Seriously never. So I'm thinking it could be a medical issue, perhaps? Or do some of you feel this way? I feel attracted to my partner, his looks, his body, I love to touch and cuddle and kiss. But it doesn't matter to me whether he's got his penis inside of me, or if his hand is in mine, it doesn't matter, they're equally nice. Like sex is fun, but so are boardgames. I've tried so to say every main category of sex toy there is, porn, erotic literature, masturbation, oral/anal/vaginal sex, nothing floats my goat and I don't know what to do at this point. My partner is super understanding, but I can tell he thinks i might not be enjoying the things we do, since i'm not getting "pleasure" from it. Thing is, I don't know what this pleasure is supposed to be? So really my question is, what would be you guyses best guess as to what I am? Or do any of you feel the same way? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Planet Ace Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Sounds like it might be a medical issue. Have you seen a doctor about it? They might be able to help with that. Clearly the interest and desire for sex is there, there's just a disconnect somewhere between the software and the hardware. A doctor would be more help than me, a random internet stranger with no medical degree, in diagnosing the specific problem, if there is one. You should think about going to see one, if it bothers you. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Claire1983 Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Its worth checking with your doctor to at least rule out any sort of medical problem. Whatever you find out you can go from there but there are many conditions that can affect your sex drive so err on the side of caution. For me, I started taking a medication that totally killed my sex drive, but that led to the realization that I could be asexual and I might be mistaking other feelings for sexual attraction, So good to check regardless. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LouiseHope Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 Given your description of the sex act being the same as affection contact, perhaps you are confusing sexual attraction with other forms of attraction? I've found this quote very helpful. Is it possible you are more interested in sensual attraction rather than sexual attraction? From the READ ME: A Guide and FAQ to the Asexual Q&A Wonderland: Can I be asexual and find people attractive? There are several different types of attraction, though by AVEN’s definition, you are not asexual if you experience sexual attraction. There’s also romantic attraction, aesthetic attraction, and sensual attraction; all are completely different from each other that may or may not go hand-in-hand for an individual. Experiencing romantic/aesthetic/sensual attraction does not invalidate one’s asexuality. Sexual attraction: an emotional response that sexual people often feel that results in a desire for sexual contact with the person that the attraction is felt towards. Click here to learn more about sexual attraction. This thread may also be of help. Romantic attraction: an emotional response that most people often feel that results in a desire for a romantic relationship with the person that the attraction is felt towards. Click here to learn more about romantic attraction. This thread may also be of help. Aesthetic attraction: the appreciation of someone’s appearance, it is not connected to desire anyone sexually or romantically. Click here to learn more about aesthetic attraction. Sensual attraction: an emotional or physical desire to engage in sensual acts with the person that the attraction is felt towards. Click here to learn more about sensual attraction. This thread may also be of help. For aesthetic attraction, many people use a painting analogy. You like the way a person looks just as you would enjoy what a painting looks, but you don't want to have sex with a painting. You don't want to go on a date and be romantic with a painting. You just simply appreciate it's appearance. The same can be applied to people when it comes to aesthetic attraction. </quote> Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ixi Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 How is it possible to have PiV with your boyfriend when you are not wet? It sounds very painful... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nectarine Posted March 17, 2018 Author Share Posted March 17, 2018 2 hours ago, ixi said: How is it possible to have PiV with your boyfriend when you are not wet? It sounds very painful... Lube, my friend Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nectarine Posted March 17, 2018 Author Share Posted March 17, 2018 18 hours ago, Planet Ace said: Sounds like it might be a medical issue. Have you seen a doctor about it? They might be able to help with that. Clearly the interest and desire for sex is there, there's just a disconnect somewhere between the software and the hardware. A doctor would be more help than me, a random internet stranger with no medical degree, in diagnosing the specific problem, if there is one. You should think about going to see one, if it bothers you. I actually have an appointment with my GP next week, so I've got my fingers crossed that she'll have some answers for me. I'm almost hoping it'll be something medical, because if not then I have no idea what to think. You're right - it's the hardware and software that don't match. I'm just looking for alternative sources of information as I'm waiting Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Planet Ace Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 18 minutes ago, nectarine said: I actually have an appointment with my GP next week, so I've got my fingers crossed that she'll have some answers for me. I'm almost hoping it'll be something medical, because if not then I have no idea what to think. You're right - it's the hardware and software that don't match. I'm just looking for alternative sources of information as I'm waiting Great! It's good that you're doing your research on the subject before your appointment, so you can ask the right questions. That helps a lot in getting the right diagnosis. I hope you find all the answers you need! *crosses fingers* Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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