Escüme Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 I know that sexuality is something that you have to come to terms with on your own. However, I’m really confused and could really use some guidance, because I don’t know everything. Essentially I’m starting to think I’m asexual. However, I’m 14 and don’t know how my age might impact my feelings. I don’t really know how to determine if I’m a late bloomer or whatever they call it. My school is relatively clean and the people I hang out with at least don’t talk about having sex or anything like that. Therefore, I have no way to compare my feelings to anyone. I know there’s no “normal” or anything, but I don’t know what it’s like to feel sexual, or if I have felt sexual or if I’m missing anything. So how can I tell if i’m asexual at this age and place? Another thing i’m confused about isn’t that I know I have a preference for the opposite sex. I’d rather date or be in a relationship with boys. That being said I’ve never felt interested in having sex with anyone, but I don’t know if anyone else my age feels the same or if I really am different. Can I even consider myself completely asexual if I have a preference to the opposite sex? I guess i’m interested in a romantic relationship, but I don’t know if liking the opposite sex invalidates being part of the LGBT+ community, especially if I hardly know anything compared to other people... I’m really confused about everything, but currently asexuality makes more sense to me than just being heterosexual... Then again I don’t know if my age matters or if liking the opposite sex impacts anything either. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Yep, me Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Age doesn’t matter, if you don’t/haven’t experience/d sexual attraction, you’re asexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
cheyenneLS Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Being 14, if I was you I wouldn't be too worried, just yet. You're still at an age where a lot of things are still developing and you could still be a "late bloomer" even at 16. You could very well be asexual and of course there is nothing wrong with that but the age bracket 11-16 so much happens and changes with you, your body your feelings there is still plenty that could develop yet. What's important is that you enjoy life and being 14. Don't let things like this, stereotypes or expectations get you down or get in your way. An to answer your question, of course you can still be completely asexual and still have an attraction to the opposite sex. It just might not be a sexual attraction. Take it easy 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Claire1983 Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 8 hours ago, Escüme said: Another thing i’m confused about isn’t that I know I have a preference for the opposite sex. I’d rather date or be in a relationship with boys. That being said I’ve never felt interested in having sex with anyone, but I don’t know if anyone else my age feels the same or if I really am different. Can I even consider myself completely asexual if I have a preference to the opposite sex? I guess i’m interested in a romantic relationship, but I don’t know if liking the opposite sex invalidates being part of the LGBT+ community, especially if I hardly know anything compared to other people... Sexual attraction and romantic attraction are two different things. You can have one without the other. So you can be asexual and still want to be in a relationship. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
uhtred Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 For many people, including myself, your feelings about sex at age 14 can be very different from your feelings as you get older. Whether or not your feelings change over time, my advice would be the same - do what makes you happy and doesn't hurt others. I know it sounds trite, but so many people seem to fail at this. If you feel like dating, then do it, if not, then don't. Date men or women depending on what you feel like. Have as much or as little physical intimacy as you feel like. Just be honest with anyone you are dating - eg., don't pretend to want something that you don't. Over time you may find some label that best matches your feelings, but the labels really don't matter. People are not really separated into little boxes, there is a whole range of different sexual and romantic interests and behaviors. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
binary suns Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 On 3/16/2018 at 12:16 AM, Escüme said: Essentially I’m starting to think I’m asexual. However, I’m 14 and don’t know how my age might impact my feelings. I don’t really know how to determine if I’m a late bloomer or whatever they call it. time be patient. If you want to identify as ace now because that's what it seems - then do so. If it don't change then you knew early if it does change, so what? embrace the change and update your identity. not a problem to make an assumption until proven otherwise - in fact, it's scientific 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AceEllis Posted March 18, 2018 Share Posted March 18, 2018 It's okay to identify as asexual if you feel that way right now. Maybe you'll develop sexual attraction, maybe you won't. What matters is your current feelings. The best way to figure out if you're asexual is to look around on AVEN. See if you relate to other aces and their experiences. Read about the different types of attraction. I'd say your desire for a relationship with a guy is romantic attraction, which doesn't invalidate asexuality. Plenty of aces experience romantic attraction, myself included. And technically anyone who isn't a cisgender heterosexual falls under the queer umbrella, which is the Q in LGBTQ. Of course you don't have to ID as queer if you don't want to. Welcome to AVEN! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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