This thing about men not climaxing without PIV

[Telecaster68]

The original meaning is doing it to yourself, yes, but it's commonly used in the other way too. Meanings shift and change, and as long as both parties understand roughly the same meaning, that's how language works. 

 

Everybody has preferences or their own particular connotations, but if it works as communication, it works. 

[Guest]

20 hours ago, Nowhere Girl said:

An exact equivalent is used in Polish too. But still I think that it's incorrect - the definition of masturbation is that it means sexually stimulating oneself, and not how it's done.

OK, maybe stimulating someone else's penis is not called "petting" (still I like this word precisely because of its "gentleness"), but there is also the popular word "handjob".

I, like Tele, am also a professional writer and a native English speaker, and the term 'to masturbate someone' does mean to use your hands/an object to stimulate the genitals of another person in English, that's just how it's naturally understood (and it is not incorrect). I did link a dictionary page where it describes masturbate as meaning to stimulate either your own genitals or the genitals of another with the hands or an object, I will try to copy/paste a definition from a different dictionary (Oxford).

 

Definition of masturbate in English:

masturbate

VERB

[NO OBJECT]

• 1Stimulate one's genitals with one's hand for sexual pleasure.

  ‘we do not like to admit that we masturbate’

   

  Synonyms

  1. 1.1with object Stimulate the genitals of (someone) to give them sexual pleasure.
     ‘they masturbated each other in the long grass below the tennis courts’

      

     https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/masturbate

[Treesarepretty]

On 3/15/2018 at 10:30 AM, anamikanon said:

I am sexual, but I am not a man, so perhaps this thing eludes me.

 

Several asexual women here have said that their male partners couldn't/can't climax without PIV sex. This is something I have not encountered in my partners. Even ones that really loved PIV sex to the point we were at it all the time almost. Enough stimulation and skill will get anyone off unless they have trouble in that department. What does it matter whether it is in a vagina or not? Probably not such a huge issue for sexual women, but for an ace woman that sounds like very unreasonable a condition. 

 

Tried searching on the internet, and most results are the obvious - that women don't climax easily from PIV sex. Nothing on men being unable to climax without it (unless I tried some wrong searches).

 

Why would a man be unable to climax without PIV sex? What's wrong with their partner's mouth or hands or their own hands with their partner helping? How did they manage before they had relationships or between relationships? I can understand PIV sex being enjoyable for them. But unable to climax without it? What happens? They spend the rest of their lives with a hard on or something equally terrible to the point reluctant partners must offer PIV for them to get off?

 

I am not ace, but this is a most puzzling thing. At the same time, at least three women here have described it in their experiences. If any sexual men or asexual women want to shed light on this...

 

Sometimes I get this feeling that men tell their partners whatever they want as something they need to guilt them into compliance.

This is not a phenomenon I have experienced or heard about before. I assume it is BS. What's more, unless they have successfully gotten regular sexual partners since puberty, they have some serious medical problems. 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Treesarepretty said:

This is not a phenomenon I have experienced or heard about before. I assume it is BS. What's more, unless they have successfully gotten regular sexual partners since puberty, they have some serious medical problems. 

No, it's a fact that some men just can't orgasm from oral or receiving a hand job (as they're not in control of the motion and pressure etc) yet obviously with PiV they can control the rhythm etc making orgasm much more achievable. There are others who can orgasm from oral and/or a hand job, but enjoy the feeling and closeness of PiV a lot more. Obviously they can orgasm from masturbating themselves but that's a completely different scenario, we're talking about partnered sex here. Just as many women can ONLY orgasm from being given oral (or being masturbate sd in some other way) and have a much trickier time orgasming from PiV, it's just as common for men to be much more able to orgasm from one kind of stimulation as opposed to a different kind (or find one kind vastly superior at least). 

 

Not all forms of stimulation are equal, and different kinds are more or less effective depending on the individual.

[anamikanon]

On 24/03/2018 at 7:19 AM, Nowhere Girl said:

A little linguistic notice: there is no such thing as "masturbating someone else". Masturbation is by definition stimulating one's own sexually sensitive areas and whether it's done with a hand, showerhead, dildo or yet something else is secondary and not part of the definition. Stimulating another person's penis with a hand is called "petting", not "masturbating someone".

That said, I generally dislike this word, I strongly prefer more descriptive and less "aggressive " ones such as "self-pleasuring", the very general word "stimulate" etc.

Personally, I rarely use the word (other than self-stimulation, obviously). But it seems to convey what is meant here, so why not. Generally, I call it manual stimulation or a hand job (for men - no idea why that doesn't get used for women, but then oral sex is a thing and hand sex isn't, so go figure. Who knows what "makes sense")

[MrDane]

I think it is about stimulation combined with fantasy/mind. I would say, that with the rigth stimulation, they could come without the PiV. The comming is just more than scratching an itch or emptying the sack... The rigth stimulation, rigth! Next thing is the fantasy/mind. Does the hand job perhaps not trigger the feeling of partnered sex? And thus alters the feeling/result of the orgasm.

[Guest]

7 hours ago, MrDane said:

I think it is about stimulation combined with fantasy/mind. I would say, that with the rigth stimulation, they could come without the PiV. The comming is just more than scratching an itch or emptying the sack... The rigth stimulation right!

It's also the way some people need a specific rythm at a specific speed at just the right pressure.. there are a lot of guys who are very sensitive in their penis or not sensitive enough and all sorts in between, so while rough stimulation is what one of them requires or he just goes soft, the other cringes and goes soft unless you're very gentle. Then getting the right speed and rythm is also vitally important. Some will cum almost immediately upon the moment you start wanking or sucking them, some will actually start to go soft because they just get no enjoyment out of that kind of stimulation. With PiV, the rythm and depth and speed can all be controlled by the guy, so he can do it in the way that feels best until he orgasms. And yes, there are guys for whom PiV isn't enough stimulation and they actually prefer to orgasm with oral or whatever (they're just less common).

 

My ex (which I'm pretty sure is one of the guys mentioned in the OP) literally just couldn't orgasm from oral or a hand job. After half an hour of oral he'd be going soft and getting bored, then would need to wank himself to try to get hard again to stick it in for PiV before again taking ages before finally finishing. That was how he was with all the girls he'd ever been with, he just couldn't enjoy the other forms of stimulation enough to be able to orgasm from them.

[anamikanon]

Insight from my ace - who definitely prefers PIV if his penis is to be involved (Edit: No matter what position it is, he will do the thrusting or can't climax - including woman on top!). "Easier to maintain a tempo. Also the strength of thrusts with body weight behind them is hard to duplicate with hands or mouth without getting too rough." He also said that he has difficulty maintaining a hard on if sex goes on too long, and PIV sex can sort of keep him stimulated right through to finish more often than other kinds (he can lose a hard on with PIV sex as well, but less likely, easier to maintain).

 

Edit: Me thinks if someone has a difficulty climaxing, PIV may make it easier (or even possible) for them, while those who get off easily with stimulation can get off any which way. Also those who need strong stimulation - hard thrusts, etc. Probably hard to pull off with hands/mouth without scratching with teeth or being too rough/dry. Note: Lube may help?

[uhtred]

Its important to keep in mind that simply having an O isn't he goal.  A strong vibrator will make almost all men and and a lot of women O, but that doesn't mean that just having a vibrator applied to your genitals is enjoyable (though some people think so). 

 

 

[GLRDT]

On 3/19/2018 at 7:07 PM, FictoVore. said:

2 inches or less and over in 30 seconds would have been so ideal that I probably could have happily maintained a sexual relationship long term because the sex would have been so easy even if I wouldn't actually be getting anything fun out of it.

Oh my God you figured it out! In my future dating I'll just be like hi, do you have a small penis? If so yes let's date. If only it could be this easy.

[anamikanon]

On 26/03/2018 at 10:27 PM, uhtred said:

Its important to keep in mind that simply having an O isn't he goal.  A strong vibrator will make almost all men and and a lot of women O, but that doesn't mean that just having a vibrator applied to your genitals is enjoyable (though some people think so). 

 

 

Both have their own merits.

 

Frankly, for me, an O isn't the goal, but I am happy to get an O quickly and move to the more mutual cuddling rather than it go on too long for him to remain .... ahem.... altruistic about my needs and los interest. I'd rather take a quick O where he's happy to make me climax, than one he endures till I finally get there.

 

With a normal sexual partner, I'd probably even enjoy the sex to go on all evening long interspersed with cuddling (multiple-orgasm capabilities can be handy), but if the option is between a leisurely O and one where my partner is interested, I'll take quickies - for life.

 

In fact, speaking of vibrators, if I don't get off relatively quickly, or he seems to be getting bored, I will often supplement his efforts with a vibrator and put us both out of our misery ASAP and STILL call it better sex than one where I took my time getting there, but it makes him balk the next time I feel horny.

 

Edit: Waitaminit. If you mean not having an O will still make for good sex, for me, it depends. Sometimes it will work. Other times it will work, but I'll be horny again one coffee later.