Am i asexual?

[TisJustAFleshWound]

Hello, ive been doing some research on asexuality to try and find out if i identify with it or not, but im finding it difficult. Sometimes i share some of the common traits of an asexual person but other times im the complete opposite. So i would appreciate it if i could give an outside opinion from someone who is asexual and has experienced it. 

     This all started when my friends started wondering if i was asexual. Im a sophmore girl in highschool and i have never had a crush nor dated someone. I haven't experienced interest in my friends convos about dating/sex, so one day a few of them asked if me i was ace of not. I never considered the possibility of being asexual and the more i looked into it, the more it sounded like me, but at the same time i wasnt like it at all.

      Here is what i think about sex and all that:

- i am able to call people hot or sexy based on their physical attributes, but i never feel sexually attracted to them nor do i have sexual fantasies with them.

- i have particular tastes such as biceps or long legs that i find to be attractive, but im not sure it its in a sexual way or not

-i dont really understand what the big deal about sex is, i just cant wrap my head around what makes making out so sexy

-however i do have sexual fantasies all the time and watch porn frequently, these fantasies never involve me or anybody i know though, just different people i make up.

- im very interested in sex and not just in an intellectual way, since i dont understand whats so good about it i want to try it and even do different things such as roleplay or positions 

- one time i was dating someone and when we maked out on her couch, i didn't feel anything though, we even went a tiny bit further but i felt no arousal like i do when watching porn.

- I have a very hard time getting aroused and even when i do it only lasts a few seconds 

-i havent gone all the way with someone yet but i feel if it was with someone special it might feel different then when i was making out with my ex, but at the same time i dont know.

Any and all advice is appreciated, thank you.

[Claire1983]

4 hours ago, TisJustAFleshWound said:

- i am able to call people hot or sexy based on their physical attributes, but i never feel sexually attracted to them

Based on this, it's very likely that you're asexual.  You're the only one who can determine that for yourself, but this is the core of it right here.  As for finding people physically attractive, that's likely aesthetic attraction.  Asexuals can still appreciate physical beauty, they just don't want to do have sex with it.  Having fantasies and watching porn doesn't mean you can't be asexual.  You can still have a sex drive and fantasize.  As you say you can't see yourself as a participant so it's just the idea more than that act that you find intriguing.  All of this sounds very much like asexuality.  I'm glad that your friends are aware of it and it sounds like they'll be supportive of you whatever you determine.

[Lordyloo]

Possibly demi or greyasexual? You are definitely somewhere along the spectrum. I think there is also a term that goes with your fantasizing that doesn't involve yourself actually preforming those things.

[Claire1983]

1 minute ago, Lordyloo said:

I think there is also a term that goes with your fantasizing that doesn't involve yourself actually preforming those things.

Autochorisexual?  Or something like that?

[Lordyloo]

1 minute ago, Claire1983 said:

Autochorisexual?  Or something like that?

YES! That's it!

[Gldlynch]

54 minutes ago, Claire1983 said:

Autochorisexual?  Or something like that?

^ This sounds pretty accurate.

 

Hey TisJustAFleshWound

 

Your post sounds like it belongs somewhere in the asexual spectrum library (: Welcome to AVEN!

 

It's totally common for asexuals to have kinks, fetishes, fantasise, watch porn, even masturbate. Asexuality is solely focused on our lack or absence sexual attractions towards other people. Some people can be 100% asexual (to the point of being repulsed), whilst others may discover they are grey-ace or demisexual. Either way, we are part of one big family. Aside from sexual attraction, we can still experience attractions of aesthetic, romantic, sensual, platonic, etc. It might take a while to find just the right label/s for you so don't panic or overthinking anything. Enjoy the journey of discovering yourself (: