Elated Coconut Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 Hello everyone! This is quite surreal for me, as I have not joined any forums in years so it may take me a while to get used to this. I'm a female in my mid 20s and only recently realised I may be asexual. I've been dating since I was 16, had 4 sexual partners in total and never had any sexual attraction, or been aroused in any way. Any romantic feelings I've had are very real, but I have never looked at anyone and felt a desire to sleep with them. I can live without sex - and that's what I want to do. The reasons? I suppose there are many. My first experience with sex was in a relationship where he practically bullied me into sex. Since then, I have felt somehow like it's my duty to use my body to please a partner, and my feelings don't matter. I don't enjoy sex. In fact, I hate it. I feel numb and just want it to be over. I also find it disgusting. We urinate from those places, and somehow bumping them together is romantic? I run to have a shower when it's finally over. For a long time I've felt like a freak, especially as my friends practically gloat about how amazing their sex lives are and how much they love doing the deed. In the future, I want children, and grandchildren. Even a man who I really love. I want all of this so badly that it hurts me to imagine it not happening. I just feel resentful that sex is the price I feel I must pay for all of that. That's all I see sex as - a price to be paid, for love. Sometimes I even imagine myself as a single mother. I'd have the family I want, without the obligation of having to please a man with sex. I'm not saying I truly want to end up bringing up children alone (I grew up in a broken home), but I can't imagine ever being in a happy relationship. Especially as sex and intimacy are so important in relationships. This is the first time I've been so open about what's on my mind. This post feels like a big step for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Claire1983 Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 Welcome! I would suggest you look at some of the relationship forums. I'm pretty new to this myself so I haven't started thinking about dating, but sex doesn't always have to be part of a relationship and there are others out there who either share or will respect your feelings on the matter. Hope the forums help! Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewT Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 Hi and welcome I'd like to think that you can have all you want (Children, a partner etc.) It may not be as easy Asexual men definitely exist. (pretty sure I'm not the only one) who don't need or find sex an important part of a relationship You can have children through artificial methods, or you could have sex just for the purpose of having children. adoption could be an option? Link to post Share on other sites
Orianaro Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 Ah, the overwhelming hopelessness of an asexual finding themselves in this sex-praising world... I feel ya. Also welcome Don't feel totally helpless though, there are definitely people who have found comfortable relationships without (or with minimal) intimate contact. (I present the existence of AVEN as evidence... we are out there...) Hard to find maybe, but all the happier and sweeter when you find it Also have some cake! Link to post Share on other sites
Elated Coconut Posted March 14, 2018 Author Share Posted March 14, 2018 2 minutes ago, Andrew001 said: Hi and welcome I'd like to think that you can have all you want (Children, a partner etc.) It may not be as easy Asexual men definitely exist. (pretty sure I'm not the only one) who don't need or find sex an important part of a relationship You can have children through artificial methods, or you could have sex just for the purpose of having children. adoption could be an option? Thanks for the cake! I dream of carrying my own children and hope I get to do that. If it were up to me sex would only be for reproductive purposes. Essentially that's what it really is for. I would endure it to grow my family and not for any other reason. Definitely not for pleasure, as it brings me none! Link to post Share on other sites
Elated Coconut Posted March 14, 2018 Author Share Posted March 14, 2018 2 minutes ago, Orianaro said: Ah, the overwhelming hopelessness of an asexual finding themselves in this sex-praising world... I feel ya. Also welcome Don't feel totally helpless though, there are definitely people who have found comfortable relationships without (or with minimal) intimate contact. (I present the existence of AVEN as evidence... we are out there...) Hard to find maybe, but all the happier and sweeter when you find it Also have some cake! Look at that delicious monster of a cake! Rainbow cake is a weakness of mine! Completely understand on the sex-praising thing. It's just so glorified and talked about like it's the most wonderful thing a person can experience. I feel like I've been lied to my entire life and had my hopes crushed when the real thing was nowhere near like that for me. Travelling to new cities in the world, breathing in clean air in the countryside, tasting food from different countries... now those are exhilarating experiences for me! Sex can sod right off. Link to post Share on other sites
Rosendust Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Welcome! I hope that your time here will be as insightful as it has for me! Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Welcome! Don’t push yourself to do things you don’t want to for the sake of others. Your happiness and wellbeing are more important. Link to post Share on other sites
Lia Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message. Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. The following are also nifty links to take a look at: Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped! Link to post Share on other sites
AceEllis Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 I'm new here too! I hope you have a great time here. Link to post Share on other sites
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