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So. Uh..


Xerytl

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Wasn't entirely sure what section this kind of post would be suited for, so I decided in this section of the forums, but anyway.. So, uh, yeah... Clearly I've known about this website for several years now, but I obviously haven't had much activity on it. Anyways... I apologize in advance if this post seems drawn out and having delays, I am just feeling, well, super antsy and nervous about myself currently. To explain why more in-depth.. Well... I uh.... I.. I'm not really sure about uh.. Well, I guess.. I don't know what my sexuality is anymore... And it is uhhh.. Obviously... Making me kind of.. I dunno.. Shy?.. Doesn't sound right... I don't know. Clearly just not feeling how I normally do I suppose. Basically, I've been honestly questioning like... If I might truly be into the same sex as I am... And just thinking about it makes me feel nervous and kind of awkward... Like.. I feel if it actually is how I am then like.. Not sure if some who are family or friend would be as okay(?) with it.. Or like... Not sure I'd be able to express or come out about it... Like I just don't know.. Is it actually who I am or..? I figured I'd try and see what others might have to say or think about it.. And I don't know.. I just feel like I need some help.. Or some advice about this.. And I just... Bleh.. I'm feeling lost I guess...

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Just breathe.  It's totally normal to be confused.  You don't have to rush to conclusions, but be open to exploring the possibilities.  Maybe you are, maybe you aren't but just give yourself time to question it.  As for your family, they might not approve, but it's not about them.  It's about your feelings.   You don't have to tell them if you come to a conclusion that you think they wouldn't like, but the important thing right now is what you think and how you feel about it.  You can deal with others later.

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7 minutes ago, Claire1983 said:

Just breathe.  It's totally normal to be confused.  You don't have to rush to conclusions, but be open to exploring the possibilities.  Maybe you are, maybe you aren't but just give yourself time to question it.  As for your family, they might not approve, but it's not about them.  It's about your feelings.   You don't have to tell them if you come to a conclusion that you think they wouldn't like, but the important thing right now is what you think and how you feel about it.  You can deal with others later.

Well, thank you for.. Uh.. Responding.. And I was repeating the end of your message several times to myself.. The "the important thing right now is what you think and how you feel about it" part... And the thing is.. I uhh.. I don't really know what I am thinking or feeling... I know that is probably normal or whatnot.. And like you said.. Give myself time and all.. I just.. Not quite sure where to go at this point.. Or like.. How to even go about any of all this... Bleh.. I apologize.. Probably sounds quite annoying when having to read how I am typing this stuff.. You know.. Instead of just like straight  out and whatnot.. Or.. Yeah I dunno..

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6 minutes ago, Xerytl said:

Well, thank you for.. Uh.. Responding.. And I was repeating the end of your message several times to myself.. The "the important thing right now is what you think and how you feel about it" part... And the thing is.. I uhh.. I don't really know what I am thinking or feeling... I know that is probably normal or whatnot.. And like you said.. Give myself time and all.. I just.. Not quite sure where to go at this point.. Or like.. How to even go about any of all this... Bleh.. I apologize.. Probably sounds quite annoying when having to read how I am typing this stuff.. You know.. Instead of just like straight  out and whatnot.. Or.. Yeah I dunno..

If you're confused, perhaps describe some of the situations that are making you question this and see if anyone can relate or offer any insight or perspective?  It really helped me to hear that others were feeling the same thing that I was

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Hey Xerytl

 

It's totally fine to be questioning your sexuality! Frankly, it's a process most of us go through whether we like to admit it or not. Opening up with the fact that you are confused makes you brave, so be proud you have taken that first step.

 

Figuring out your sexual preferences is a different journey for everyone so don't feel the need to hasten through it. Some people know straight off the top that they are either straight or gay, but people in the in-between take a little more time. Have dig around on the internet, maybe crack a book, seek some real-life counselling if you want to (: Talking to people, young or old, who are in the queer community really helps you develop your own understanding.

 

As for "coming out" to your family, know yourself first. Don't force yourself into a vulnerable position if you are not ready. However if you think they will be a great guide, then by all means wear your confidence like the new Gucci and go for it!

 

Just remember that the Q is LGBTQ+ represents "questioning" (or "queer") so please don't feel alone! Your identity is as valid as anybody else's.

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5 minutes ago, Claire1983 said:

If you're confused, perhaps describe some of the situations that are making you question this and see if anyone can relate or offer any insight or perspective?  It really helped me to hear that others were feeling the same thing that I was

Well... I just.. Thinking about it and the possibility of it makes my chest feel like heavy I guess.. And slightly anxious/nervous... And just.. My whole life I've always gotten along so much better with females and have just been so easier and friendly.. But never have felt really truly close to them in terms of affection or whatnot... And with like.. My best friend and few of other friends that are male.. I just feel really closer.. And more emotion with their friendship than normally.. But none of them are like myself in regards to questioning themselves... And just.. I don't know.. I just really feel out of place and am trying to find some kind of direction or path to take even if its like the smallest hint or what not... Bleh..

 

3 minutes ago, Gldlynch said:

Hey Xerytl

 

It's totally fine to be questioning your sexuality! Frankly, it's a process most of us go through whether we like to admit it or not. Opening up with the fact that you are confused makes you brave, so be proud you have taken that first step.

 

Figuring out your sexual preferences is a different journey for everyone so don't feel the need to hasten through it. Some people know straight off the top that they are either straight or gay, but people in the in-between take a little more time. Have dig around on the internet, maybe crack a book, seek some real-life counselling if you want to (: Talking to people, young or old, who are in the queer community really helps you develop your own understanding.

 

As for "coming out" to your family, know yourself first. Don't force yourself into a vulnerable position if you are not ready. However if you think they will be a great guide, then by all means wear your confidence like the new Gucci and go for it!

 

Just remember that the Q is LGBTQ+ represents "questioning" (or "queer") so please don't feel alone! Your identity is as valid as anybody else's.

Hello there, Gldlynch.. Thank you for responding as well.. I'm hoping this thread will be a bit of a help in regards to helping me understand myself and what I'm thinking/questioning and whatnot.. I'm not necessarily worried about rushing things or anything.. At least I don't think I am I don't know.. But I guess my main goal is trying to just find some sort of advice or something that puts my mind in the right sort of direction that I want.. Be it obvious or hidden I guess..

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14 minutes ago, Xerytl said:

Well... I just.. Thinking about it and the possibility of it makes my chest feel like heavy I guess.. And slightly anxious/nervous... And just.. My whole life I've always gotten along so much better with females and have just been so easier and friendly.. But never have felt really truly close to them in terms of affection or whatnot... And with like.. My best friend and few of other friends that are male.. I just feel really closer.. And more emotion with their friendship than normally.. But none of them are like myself in regards to questioning themselves... And just.. I don't know.. I just really feel out of place and am trying to find some kind of direction or path to take even if its like the smallest hint or what not... Bleh..

I would second @Gldlynch on the irl counselling. it sounds like you have a lot of anxiety around this and whatever happens, I think you could benefit from discussing it with a professional.  Just be sure to find one that's pro LGBT+ and will take your concerns seriously.  It's totally ok to be confused and panicky, I was feeling very much the same when I found this site.  I would say the first thing is to think carefully about exactly what you feel for these people.  If you haven't already read thought the information on different types of attraction and try to see which one fits best.   Me, I used to think I was sexual attracted to guys, but I now think that I was feeling a romantic or sensual attraction and I mistook that for sexual attraction.  I also dismissed the idea that I could be into women because there was no sexual attraction but I'm now questioning if I could be romantically or sensually attracted to them.  So it's work thinking carefully about exactly what draws you to them.  Do you want to hit that, cuddle that, date that, or simply admire that.

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3 minutes ago, Claire1983 said:

I would second @Gldlynch on the irl counselling. it sounds like you have a lot of anxiety around this and whatever happens, I think you could benefit from discussing it with a professional.  Just be sure to find one that's pro LGBT+ and will take your concerns seriously.  It's totally ok to be confused and panicky, I was feeling very much the same when I found this site.  I would say the first thing is to think carefully about exactly what you feel for these people.  If you haven't already read thought the information on different types of attraction and try to see which one fits best.   Me, I used to think I was sexual attracted to guys, but I now think that I was feeling a romantic or sensual attraction and I mistook that for sexual attraction.  I also dismissed the idea that I could be into women because there was no sexual attraction but I'm now questioning if I could be romantically or sensually attracted to them.  So it's work thinking carefully about exactly what draws you to them.  Do you want to hit that, cuddle that, date that, or simply admire that.

I guess you could say this thread was a sort of.. Mediocre attempt at counseling due to Anonymity and whatnot.. But anyway.. Yes, I have read through it already.. The main reason I joined this website back in 2014 was because of not really having any desire or need of sexual activity to be honest.. It doesn't really interest me or seem like something I want in regards to with anyone really.. Like the thought of it with the same gender doesn't appeal to me at all.. And whenever I had sexual encounters with the opposite gender in the past I never really was doing it for my own desire or enjoyment.. It was all more because of making the other person happy because of their wants/needs/whatever... Like how I said earlier about my whole life just always being easier to be friendly with females and whatnot.. But not feeling all that close emotionally as with males.. Maybe it isn't a matter of male or female for me..? And maybe just a matter of having someone to be with and be close and share memories and experiences in life with..? I don't know..

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2 minutes ago, Xerytl said:

I guess you could say this thread was a sort of.. Mediocre attempt at counseling due to Anonymity and whatnot.. But anyway.. Yes, I have read through it already.. The main reason I joined this website back in 2014 was because of not really having any desire or need of sexual activity to be honest.. It doesn't really interest me or seem like something I want in regards to with anyone really.. Like the thought of it with the same gender doesn't appeal to me at all.. And whenever I had sexual encounters with the opposite gender in the past I never really was doing it for my own desire or enjoyment.. It was all more because of making the other person happy because of their wants/needs/whatever... Like how I said earlier about my whole life just always being easier to be friendly with females and whatnot.. But not feeling all that close emotionally as with males.. Maybe it isn't a matter of male or female for me..? And maybe just a matter of having someone to be with and be close and share memories and experiences in life with..? I don't know..

And the forums are a great place to start and can be a good companion to therapy, especially since a lot of therapists aren't always as well informed on LBGT+ issues and especially on asexuality.  I have plans to discuss this with my therapist, but I came here first and it's helped me get to a place where I can have a productive discussion with her.  

 

Anyway, like I said, sexuality and romantic orientation are different.  You can be asexual and still want to date.  You might be drawn romantically to one gender, or the other or both, or maybe gender is irrelevant in your romantic attractions.  I understand the the feeling of still wanting to share your life with someone.  I'm pretty sure I'm asexual and I always assumed I was straight until this year, since I wasn't sexually attracted to women.  Once I sort all this out, I'd like to try dating again now that I know what I want out of a physical relationship.  I'm still reassessing my romantic orientation and considering the idea that I'm bi-romantic.  I've always felt more comfortable with women, I guess because there were no sexual expectations, but there's one or two I could see myself dating and cuddling, so I'm exploring that idea.  So just keep yourself open to possibilities.  

 

Do you mind if I ask you age? 

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2 minutes ago, Claire1983 said:

And the forums are a great place to start and can be a good companion to therapy, especially since a lot of therapists aren't always as well informed on LBGT+ issues and especially on asexuality.  I have plans to discuss this with my therapist, but I came here first and it's helped me get to a place where I can have a productive discussion with her.  

 

Anyway, like I said, sexuality and romantic orientation are different.  You can be asexual and still want to date.  You might be drawn romantically to one gender, or the other or both, or maybe gender is irrelevant in your romantic attractions.  I understand the the feeling of still wanting to share your life with someone.  I'm pretty sure I'm asexual and I always assumed I was straight until this year, since I wasn't sexually attracted to women.  Once I sort all this out, I'd like to try dating again now that I know what I want out of a physical relationship.  I'm still reassessing my romantic orientation and considering the idea that I'm bi-romantic.  I've always felt more comfortable with women, I guess because there were no sexual expectations, but there's one or two I could see myself dating and cuddling, so I'm exploring that idea.  So just keep yourself open to possibilities.  

 

Do you mind if I ask you age? 

I am currently 23 years old.. 24 in October.. I'd say it is safe to say I am able to call myself Asexual because of.. Well, pretty much because of like.. Not having any real sexual interest or desires for as long as I can remember.. And to say that my issues are mostly of determining my romantic orientation.. And what exactly it is I am trying to find.. I mean.. I care for everybody honestly.. Mostly because I don't want others to feel or think the way I do about life and stuff.. Since I have a lot of negative and/or depressing views on lots of things.. My main issue is just being able to stay so dedicated to people for long periods of time.. But overall I still care.. And want to be close and have the same be received.. I've just yet to find a person.. Male or female.. That is capable of seeing all that clearly and willing to.. Uh.. Stay dedicated and stick around even during periods of.. I guess my lack of dedication.. Or something like that... I don't know.. Maybe I just have an extreme lack of received emotion or affection in my life and it has driven me to this point.. I don't know..

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bkrdragon94

Your story sounds almost identical to mine. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me!

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"I don't know" is an OK place to be, though obviously there is stress around the uncertainty of it all.  It will not always be that way.  Breathe a bit, with confidence that this road you are on leads to a good place.

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7 hours ago, lanier1 said:

"I don't know" is an OK place to be, though obviously there is stress around the uncertainty of it all.  It will not always be that way.  Breathe a bit, with confidence that this road you are on leads to a good place.

Can only hope and just try and stay calm as I figure this all out I suppose.. Thank you though for responding.

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