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33 and married with kids... now what?


Marzipan84

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Hi everyone,

 

Im so glad to have found this forum. It’s been an eye opener to start to understand that my “weirdness” could just be my normal. So many things in my life just clicked when I considered I might identify as asexual and aromantic. 

 

About me...

1. I grew up in a conservative religious home and was homeschooled. Went to university. 

 

2. Married my first boyfriend. Divorced at 22 because I knew I wasn’t happy. 

 

3. Roller coaster relationship with my now husband who has been my best friend for the past 11 years and father of my kids. 

 

4. Battled with birth control and blaming hormones for my lack of sex drive. Then blamed pregnancy and motherhood, then PPD. I never really considered lack of sexual attractions to be a thing until the past year or so. 

 

Now I’m trying to figure out where my life goes from here. My husband is miserable but for me, even just admitting I have no desire for sex felt like a weight was lifting. 

 

I’m planning a full hormone testing with my doc but when I look back over my life, this has been a constant. I have just been going through the motions because it’s “what you’re supposed to do”. 

 

I’m looking to connect with others who are/were married to try to figure out how to navigate this. I don’t expect my husband to be understanding and accepting. This would be the third time we’ve separated, assuming that’s what he chooses. I’m so tired of living like this that I’m indifferent to how this plays out.

 

Oh yeah, and we are pretty much broke. I work full-time, he stays home with our kids.  

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Hello. 

 

My husband just broke up with me very recently, we also have a son, just like you I thought my lack of drive was normal and when it clicked it felt relieving and a real weight lift when I told him... But then he didn't take it well at all and then in a spawn of a month or so he started to build other reasons, things he said he accumulation over the years but that I asked previously if they were ok, and he would reassure me time and time again they were, I worked hard to improve them, I was improving greatly but then coming out made him blind to that I guess, though through his eyes I just kept messing up more. Now it feels like we just keep having fights because when I try to talk through things with him, understand what happened or just discuss stuff about our son, he starts complaining at me, I feel like he's attacking me and blaming me of everything so I lose my calm.

 

I don't have any future insight to give... Just that no matter what happens you will have the energy to be strong for your kids. 

Hang in there and if you two sort that out and manage through, that will be great and I'm cheering for you, if you don't then hang in there, it may turn really bumpy but you can do it :) somehow moms get such an energy drive just to take care and protect their kids it's amazing :) at least I didn't think I could be as strong as I'm being. Not perfect in any way but so much better than I thought I ever could...!

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Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! :cake:

As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. :) The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message.  Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. 

The following are also nifty links to take a look at:  Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's

 Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped!

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