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Me and Romance? Help...?


Sweet-Felicity

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Sweet-Felicity

 I’ve known I’m asexual for some time but I am still so so SO confused about my romantic orientation....  I’ve often day-dreamed of dating, and being in a romantic relationships with women or men, so I figured I was probably Bi romantic for a time but recently when I felt that something was romantic on dates I wanted none of it (and I’m talking like basic, just hand holding or even just hanging out), I feel like I’m forcing myself.... I get so  uncomfortable or flat out repulsed by it all, with the exception of two people, even though I love hearing/seeing/talking about my friends relationships and am a hopeless romantic... I always have loved the idea of finding “the One” and getting married one day. But when I’m with my best friends I’m, like, SUPER touchy-feely; hugs, hand-holding, Ect. but I do the same thing with another person and it’s not platonic I’m soooo uncomfortable and I want to run away as fast as possible. I want romance, but not really? I feel so conflicted and lost.

 

Help?

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Sounds like you very well could be on the aromantic spectrum! 

 

From what you're saying it sounds to me like you may be cupioromantic where you can't experience romantic attraction but still desire a romantic relationship.

 

I'm also very much the same as you, touchy-feely with my best friends but very touch averse towards anyone else! I feel like it's not uncommon in the aromantic community!

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1 hour ago, Sweet-Felicity said:

recently when I felt that something was romantic on dates I wanted none of it (and I’m talking like basic, just hand holding or even just hanging out), I feel like I’m forcing myself.... I get so  uncomfortable or flat out repulsed by it all

Could you describe this "romantic" feeling? You say you hold hands with your best friends, but when it is "romantic", you can get repulsed.

 

Sorry, I just don't really know exactly what romantic means (which is why I have been putting that word in quotes)

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Sweet-Felicity

   Beaver boy, sorry for lack of clarification, I suppose what I mean by Romantic, is affectionate gestures in the context of a relationship or dating. For example when I hug, hold hands, cuddle etc, platonicly, like with a friend, I’m fine with it, but when I do the same things on a date I feel uncomfortable and repulsed by it. Does that help answers your question? It’s all rather hard to explain... 

 

  Mae_ , thank you for your words, maybe I am... it’s difficult for me to understand this part of myself, but hearing another say that they feel similarly is a huge weight off my shoulders in itself, so thank you :) 

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8 hours ago, Sweet-Felicity said:

   Beaver boy, sorry for lack of clarification, I suppose what I mean by Romantic, is affectionate gestures in the context of a relationship or dating. For example when I hug, hold hands, cuddle etc, platonicly, like with a friend, I’m fine with it, but when I do the same things on a date I feel uncomfortable and repulsed by it. Does that help answers your question? It’s all rather hard to explain... 

 

  Mae_ , thank you for your words, maybe I am... it’s difficult for me to understand this part of myself, but hearing another say that they feel similarly is a huge weight off my shoulders in itself, so thank you :) 

I think society puts a huge value on romantic relationships and pushes people to pursue such relationships. Western culture commonly reserves physical touch for romantic relationships. So you might be aromantic and maybe you were just craving romantic relationships because you like getting close to people.

 

It’s okay to not date. There is this idea that all aromantics just want to be loners and not be touchy-feely with anyone. It is certainly possible to have a really strong sensual attraction without having romantic attraction. At least, that’s what I think about myself. It’s taking me a while to accept my aromanticism, so maybe you’re going through a similar thing.

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