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This is Ironic....


NapoliGirl

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The grass is rarely greener on the other side. Been in many relationships, and I know that each relationship invariably has mismatches. Some you can live with, others are very hard. But when two people come this close to each other, mismatches can be really jarring. It is one of the reasons I will never want to break up with my ace. I'm in my 40s. I've had plenty of sex since I was in my teens. While I have a very high sex drive, I also have a perspective about it in the sense of what we have being very good.

 

My ace is actually very open to poly. We have joked about people I see on OKC, I've met a few people and it is usually me who gets irritated at the sort of horny and shallow people you find on dating sites, but he's game to lighten things up with a joke, and so on. In fact, for a long time while I was frustrated in our LDR, he reminded me that it was a matter of time before he moved here, and then he could look after the kid and be there for mom, so I could actially have some time that was my own, and date someone if I felt like it. He knows that I won't get into it unless I really like and care about someone - I am not interested in sex for the sake of sex.

 

But still, I hesitate knowing that another relationship will take up time, attention, love. While my ace is very loving and supportive, I don't want to deprive this relationship of anything it needs for well being - ever. AND I lead an extremely busy life. So my question really is more along the lines of "Do I have the time and energy to do this right?" Last thing I need to do is deprive two nice people of what they need in the relationship.

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  • 1 month later...

I'm just reading through this thread and wondering why anyone would expect anything other than bitterness?  I love my girl with all of my heart but I am definitely bitter about the fact that ONLY her feelings seem to matter in particular on this subject.  If I try asking for physical contact I'm not respecting her needs.  At what point do MY needs get any consideration?  Apparently as sexual people we aren't supposed to have any needs we are just supposed to stuff down all our feelings and ignore the blatant rejection by the person we care about most.  Seems I'm starting to move past hurt feelings and bitterness into anger.  And I have a right to be angry despite what she or anyone else thinks.

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55 minutes ago, RAZS said:

Apparently as sexual people we aren't supposed to have any needs we are just supposed to stuff down all our feelings and ignore the blatant rejection by the person we care about most.  Seems I'm starting to move past hurt feelings and bitterness into anger.  And I have a right to be angry despite what she or anyone else thinks.

Apparently so.  Just last night my spouse and I had another circular argument about this very issue.  You bet I am angry and above all else, full of resentment.  These are human feelings, though, and we are absolutely justified.  For goodness sake already.  In otherwise healthy partnerships, for many of our asexual spouses, all of their needs and desires are attended to and fulfilled by us sexuals,  I would venture to speculate they are, at least they are in my case.  He has had a perfect partnership.  What about us sexuals?  How much more compromise must we make?  When do our needs get addressed?  How much more do we turn off?  How much more do we have to kill off in ourselves?   And why??

 

 

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