Questioning My View on Sex

[Amaretti]

I think this is the right spot for this topic..

 

I've been hanging out with this really cool guy for the last few semesters of school and we've become really close, especially this sem. And I noticed recently that I've developed romantic feelings for him.  Which really shocked me, cuz I've been raving since the moment I ended my last relationship that I never wanted to date a guy again. But yeah.. We have a lot of the same interests and views and idk I figured, why not go for it? So I told him about my feelings, which unfortunately didn't go over the way I hoped.. He agreed that he liked me a lot but did not want me to compromise my asexuality for him, cuz he's allo and finds that part of a relationship important for him. Which is a valid argument. But I guess this whole ordeal has me a little confused.

 

Confused because since my last partner didn't handle me coming out as ace very well I've been adamant about never having sex again and never wanting to date an allo again. And quite unabashedly loud about it, maybe as a front to keep peeps that just wanna hook up away.. But the more I end up liking someone the more I'm noticing that I might be okay with the idea of sex? Like, it doesn't change how much it makes me uncomfortable or how gross I think it is but I find myself wanting to do it if it's for someone I cared about, so long as they respect when I say no. And admittedly, I did have a short-lived sexual fantasy involving this person at one point. That just raises more questions. Which leaves me to wonder if sometime in the really distant past I did experience sexual attraction occasionally with my last partner? I fell out of love for them years before our relationship actually ended so.. idk could I have been demi all this time but time just made the memories hard to read? I'm not quite sure, but this question has been hanging out in the dark corners of my mind for a real long time.

 

So I guess my question is.. am I trying to be agreeable because I care for someone? Or could I possibly be demi and failed to notice?

 

[roland.o]

Hello Amaretti,

 

what you write sounds pretty gray, maybe demi, to me.

 

1 hour ago, Amaretti said:

never wanting to date an allo again

Love will have its way. There's no fighting it, since you are romantic. (and nothing to fight, for those who are aromantic ;-)

 

[Gldlynch]

Hey Amaretti

 

In my opinion, sexuality can be stationary or fluid, and in your case it sounds rather fluid. From your explanation, you may be demisexual - a person who develops sexual attraction after an emotional bond has been established.

 

I think it's definitely in the realm of possibility that your sexual attraction has presented its gentle existence as your romantic feelings have also grown. Love and romance do strange things to us, and feeling attraction is something we have such little control over. I would recommend you to go with your gut. If you feel that this person is worth the sexytime, then be confident about it! Communicate with them about being open and sex positive.

 

Best of luck!