do some people dislike being called 'they'?

[Jea]

I'm just wondering if anyone, no matter the gender, dislikes / gets dysphoria when being called they.

 

I consider myself cis but I'm not really bothered about gender, so I may not be a good example. I don't care if you call me 'she' or 'they'. Do you know if some people who don't use 'they' as a pronoun would actually mind? I'm thinking about transgender people who might feel very strongly about being called the right pronoun because they're often deprived of it, but also of any binary person.

[Guest]

23 minutes ago, Findus said:

Do you know if some people who don't use 'they' as a pronoun would actually mind?

 

I think some who identify with 'she' or 'he' pronouns (regardless of whether or not they're trans) may possibly be offended or a little put off if you kept calling them 'they' even though they've made it clear they're a 'she' or a 'he'. I mean, obviously not everyone, but I think quite a few might just be like 'wait, why are you still calling me they?' lol. I usually say 'they' by default if I'm not sure if someone identifies as male or female (like on AVEN if they haven't filled out the 'pronouns' part of their profile, or if I'm on mobile so I can't see the profile info under the ava), or obviously if they make it clear they prefer 'they' pronouns, but once I know someone IDs as 'she' or 'he' I'll use that pronoun instead of 'they' just in case. 

 

Also, a trans person may be offended if you kept calling them 'they' if they've made it clear they identify as 'she' or 'he' just because they might think you're unwilling to accept their transition/preferred gender, if that makes sense? Like 'oh okay you're not accepting that I'm a woman, but you don't want to offend me by calling me a man, so you're just sticking with 'they''. Even if you didn't actually mean it like that, I can see why they might get offended!

[Kimmie.]

In the same way that someone have the right to be could they, someone have the right to not be could that to.

[Dj91]

I can imagine why a trans person could be upset by being called them or they but I think it is more down to reason. 

 

That said I don't see why someone would be upset by someone saying for example 'Where are they?'  instead of 'where is she/he?' There are reasons to use them/they that are nothing to do with gender. 

[Lichley]

I use they a lot, because my trans friend wasn’t out yet, but he got dysphoria from she/her pronouns, so I made they my default so that he wouldn’t have to put up with it. In the end, if someone doesn’t like being called they, then they’ll tell you to stop calling them they and tell you appropriate pronouns. They still seems like the safest bet if you’re unsure. 

[butterflydreams]

I'd feel just as bad if someone called me "they" or "he". I'm not a they, or a he, I'm a she.

[vmdraco]

I don't really mind too much depending on the situation, especially when it comes to people I don't know.  I see it as a complete stranger being unsure of my gender and going in the safe-zone.  If anything I appreciate the intention of the pronoun use instead of outright addressing me as she/her, when the person who does this is a stranger.  I don't hear it being used often in general outside of LGBTQ circles.

 

Presentation-wise I come across as androgynous or butch depending on the person, so I don't mind they pronouns if someone is unsure of my gender, at least if they aren't someone I know.

 

I do understand why someone would find that uncomfortable, because sometimes when people do use they it can come across as "oh you don't pass well enough for your gender identity that I was just informed about, so I'll just use they or your name at any given time to avoid misgendering you".   

[SkyWorld]

Yeah, some people are. Though if one’s pronouns are unknown, and you’re not able to ask for some reason, using “they” is a safe bet unless told otherwise. Or of course, avoid using pronouns altogether and just use their name (unless you don’t know/remember their name [I’m horrible with names]).

 

Personally, I don’t mind it. As long as people don’t call me “she”, we’re good (as well as any other pronouns outside “he” or “they”).

 

I mostly view AVEN on mobile and I’m not able to see the side mini-profile info. I wish there was a way I could quickly see it without having to go to one’s profile to view.

[PixleyDust✨]

I'm genderfluid, and I don't really like being called "they/them/etc." For me, it kind of feels a little dehumanizing, like I'm not a person, I'm just "one of them". Think that's why I prefer female pronouns, even on my more masculine days, because I feel like those still recognize my humanity. Like, I'd rather feel a little dysphoric than inhuman.

But if using that pronoun works for other people, I'm cool with that. I just wouldn't want people to refer to me as such.

Hope that answers your question.

[Jea]

Thank you all!

 

I wasn't very specific on my reasons for asking on purpose so that I'd get answers to the question itself. But I hope I didn't give you the impression that I'd misgender people I know on purpose. (The language I speak in daily conversations doesn't even have a gender neutral pronoun.) I was originally wondering because as a cis (I think?) person I don't mind being called 'they' and I wondered if that was unusual and if that changed my identity. But anyway it was more of a theoretical question, I'm interested in knowing how people feel in regards to that pronoun Thanks again!

[K.I.N.G]

When I’m male I dislike they/them pronouns but when I’m feeling more nonbinary I almost prefer gender neutral pronouns over he/him.

[ReyGraves]

4 hours ago, SebastianMichaelis said:

When I’m male I dislike they/them pronouns but when I’m feeling more nonbinary I almost prefer gender neutral pronouns over he/him.

^^^ pretty much the same 

(I use he/him all the time IRL for convience and I don’t mind too much)

[Guest Deus Ex Infinity]

I define as CIS and find it quite disturbing to be called by wrong pronouns but it's not like I couldn't live with it. I don't like it but it's not big deal either.

[Guest]

I don’t like being called they as i’m not a they but either a he or a she but that doesn’t mean those who do like they can’t use it on themselves.

[RK800]

I'll admit it does cause me dysphoria.

[Claire1983]

Cis-gender female.  I wouldn't go so far as to say I dislike it but "they" feels very odd to me and a little disconcerting.  I'm VERY obviously a woman and while I understand people's desire to be sensitive to trans/non-binary people, it's kind of awkward for me.  I'm not really sure if/how to correct someone because it's not often something I've had to do.

[Aroace...Artimus]

Personally, I don’t mind if someone uses they/them/theirs pronouns on me, even though my pronouns are he/him/his and ze/zim/zir. But, I can see why certain people don’t like those pronouns and can possibly upset or anger those certain people. It can bring back those dysphoric feelings and experiences. But, at the same time, if you don’t want to assume anyone’s pronouns or unsure of someone’s pronouns, they/them/theirs is the safest bet. But, if I were you, just ask the person what pronouns they use. Problem solved.

[Janus the Fox]

I'm personally fine with They, in respect for me and my other thought phenomena like Tulpas, it's actually pretty spot on for me.

 

I'm fine for His or Her as well.

[Artsy Anvil]

Since my pronouns are they/them/theirs, I obviously wouldn’t get offended if someone were to use those pronouns for me. I can see how people can get hurt though. Dysphoria works differently for everyone, and, certain things make someone feel dysphoric than others. But if you didn’t want it assume someone’s pronouns, they/them/theirs is your best bet. Even though you can just ask someone their pronouns.

[LassieBee]

My friend who is genderfluid strongly dislikes they/them being used for him and uses he or she interchangeablely. As in, you can use either at any point, she doesn’t mind.