Am I Asexual? I feel lost

[steezf]

I'd like to point out that this is not my first time leaning towards the asexual spectrum. Beginning in late high school, I starting identifying as "bi", but then a few months later, as "asexual." At that point I knew for a fact I was attracted to girls, which caused my mother to be very homophobic and such. I had multiple chances of being intimate and sexual with women, but I felt too uncomfortable with the idea of being intimate to actually go through with it... I then had a boyfriend out of spite to make my parents happy, which ended up in sexual abuse (however I remained a virgin because of resistance and standing up for myself.) Almost 3 months later I met another girl who I had a great connection with, and we are still together to this day. We started slow and didn't have sex until about 6/7 months into our relationship. It was more of a spontaneous thing because we both never really had sex and were curious about it and each other. We both have gone through sexual trauma and in the beginning of our relationship, we had many boundaries which I was thankful for. However, we are going to hit 3 years in October and I feel as if I am not good for her anymore. For the past year at least, I have had no interest in sex. I've told her that I feel as if I could live without it, which I feel strongly about. Yes, it does feel good, but 90% of the time during sex, all I'm thinking about is when it will be over. Sometimes i've even made up excuses such as it hurts to get out of it. I become very numb during sex because I know I do not want it nor do I care for it. But I know she does, therefore I will go through with it. She has a VERY high sex drive and will ask for it almost every day and make "not so subtle" hints that I don't love her anymore because I don't have sex with her. It hurts. I do love her with all of my being and I can see myself being married to her in the future. But it's not great that I have to get drunk or very high in order to please her for 20 minutes. I feel so bad, but I know that it's not something I can just change. I don't even have many sexual thoughts, and if I do, I masturbate for -maybe- 5 minutes until I realize what I'm doing and I get disgusted and I feel odd. I love our relationship and our connection, but I feel as if I can't give her what she wants, because I have absolutely no interest in sex. Has anyone else gone through this situation? Or something similar? I'm sorry if this post is TMI or odd, but this is bothering me and I want to know that there isn't something wrong with me. Thank you! 

[Sweet Potato]

sure sounds like you are ace.

 

of course you are the only one who can make that call, but your story has asexual written all over it in my opinion

[steezf]

17 minutes ago, Sweet Potato said:

sure sounds like you are ace.

 

of course you are the only one who can make that call, but your story has asexual written all over it in my opinion

Thank you for the response. I had a feeling that I am, especially since I felt the same way years ago, but I wanted to get the opinion from someone who identifies as ace! 

[ExecValkyrie]

Does sound like you're pretty ace to me. It's a tough spot to be in, having someone who really feels the urges while you don't, and I understand the pain of your significant other thinking you don't love them because of it. Just try your best to prove in other ways that they truly do mean the world to you despite it and hopefully it'll reach through.