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Asexual/Aromantic or just a really, really late bloomer?


heathbarcrunch

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heathbarcrunch

I'm female and 19, almost 20, and I've never been sexually attracted to anyone - at least I don't think so. I'm not really sure what it's supposed to feel like, to be honest. Moreover, the closest thing I've had to a crush is really, really wanting to be someone's friend or appreciating their appearance like "wow, I'd really like to draw them sometime." I used to think that sort of thing was a crush until someone had a crush on me (for some reason) and they told me about it. I sort of freaked out because I'd never thought of anyone that way and it made me very uncomfortable that someone would ever feel like that about me. (I still feel pretty bad about that, but at least we're on friendly terms now.)

 

My entire family is convinced I just haven't met the right person and/or I'm just repressing the fact that I'm gay. I mean, if I was forced at gunpoint to choose either a guy or a girl to have sex with, I'd probably choose a girl because it seems...less gross somehow but I still wouldn't enjoy it, which I think means I'm not gay. I feel like if anything was going to happen for me sexually/romantically it would have already, but is it possible I just haven't "bloomed" yet? Just because it's extremely statistically unlikely for me to be asexual, aromantic, or both, I'm really not sure about landing on an identity.

 

Edit: I should add that I've neither been in a romantic relationship nor had sex. Is it possible to know without having tried any of this?

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Skully Roses

I think before going hard into trying to find out your "true identity" you have to ask yourself, do you really care? Like do you care if you are an aromantic asexual, homoromantic asexual, aromantic homosexual, or just plain gay? If you don't care, just pick whatever one you think is closest and run with it (i think that would be aro/ace but that's just my opinion). And I think it is possible to know without trying but trying is helpful. If you are nearly 20 and have never had a "real" crush then you would think you wouldn't need to try being in a romantic relationship because you have no want to do that (from what you have told). As for asexuality people have differing opinions on what being a "full" ace is but to me it seems like you would be "full" asexual by any definition. I hope this helped or at least didn't confuse you.

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52 minutes ago, heathbarcrunch said:

Just because it's extremely statistically unlikely for me to be asexual, aromantic, or both, I'm really not sure about landing on an identity.

 

What do you mean by that? 

 

In any case, if you feel like you don't want to have sex, or that you are not in love with anyone (it's hard to describe how it feels because it's different for everyone), that's totally fine. If you are ok with it and that is how you feel, then there's no need for you to change anything about it. Sure, the rest of the world might not agree because they don't understand, but if you feel comfortable with you own feeling (like really wanting to be friends with someone) then these are your feelings and no one can change them. 

 

It can be true as well that you 'heven't met the right one yet" - sexuality and attraction are fluid things, they can change over time and perhaps one day you will meet someone for whom you feel more than strong feelings of friendship. But don't let it bother you in the meantime, if you're happy as things are, that's what matters :)

 

Welcome on Aven by the way!!

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Skully Roses
5 hours ago, Kersenne said:

What do you mean by that? 

 

 

 

Only one percent of the world population is asexual and I'm pretty sure it's even less for aromantics

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5 hours ago, Skully Roses said:

Only one percent of the world population is asexual and I'm pretty sure it's even less for aromantics

Oh I see. But that doesn't mean that because there is statistically a low chance of someone being asexual that they can't be asexual, right?

1% of the world population equals to roughly 75,270,000 people - so there are still plenty of people out there that can come out as asexual, or aromantic, or both :) 

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