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What is Romance to You?


The Roomba Chicken

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The Roomba Chicken

I wonder if anyone can help me with this?

 

Recently I have discovered the meaning of sensual attraction and I realise this is kinda what I thought romance was... along with the stereotypical candlelight dinner and rose giving antics!

I tried to search what "romance" really means and it just comes up with stuff like, "the feeling when you love someone," and stuff. First off, this isn't necessarily the case... and second off, that didn't help me at all.

 

So what is romance and/or romantic attraction to you? Hopefully this will help me, and other questioning people!

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For me romantic attraction is like being enamoured with a person. You want to spend more time with them to share their burdens and their joy. Everything that the other person do or say is like magnified for the better or for the worse. If something good happends to you, you can't wait to tell the other person. If something sad occurs, the other person is one of the few people you want to share it with.

On a physical side you may want to be close to them, maybe cuddle with them. It's like a tender feeling I think, the one that when there is enough place on the couch for three people, it makes you draw closer to the other person just because. Or the feeling of wanting to surprise the other person with a gift, no because there is a special occasion or something, but because you've seen something that you think that the other person would like.

It's a lot like friendship, but maybe deeper? Like thinking that something bad may occur to the other person, makes you physically ill.

Even if you are an introvert, spending time with this other person doesn't cause you to be fatigued like with other people.

This person becomes family and you want to have them by your side for your all life.

 

This is only my personal opinion, I think that different people have different take on romantic attraction and they all would be valid.

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Owww @GloriaA this is so cute! I have to agree with that description of romantic attraction :) 

 

I think romantic attraction differs for everyone, so it's hard to give a definition to it, but I would say indeed that wanting to be with a certain person, following them with your eyes, always thinking about them, always looking for them in the crowd, are definite signs of romantic attraction. 

 

As for romance, I struggle with that definition too! I'm very unromantic, I don't like recieving gifts (in a romantic way, it just makes me awkward), or flowers, or anything like that. Going on dates makes me awkward because of the romantic implication. Cute gestures (taking hands) and public displays of affection are no go for me. If someone decides to dedicate me a song, I'll feel like the most awkward being on the planet. So I feel romantic attraction but I have no clue what is so fun about romance... I'm sorry I can't help you there :P 

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15 hours ago, GloriaA said:

For me romantic attraction is like being enamoured with a person. You want to spend more time with them to share their burdens and their joy. Everything that the other person do or say is like magnified for the better or for the worse. If something good happends to you, you can't wait to tell the other person. If something sad occurs, the other person is one of the few people you want to share it with.

On a physical side you may want to be close to them, maybe cuddle with them. It's like a tender feeling I think, the one that when there is enough place on the couch for three people, it makes you draw closer to the other person just because. Or the feeling of wanting to surprise the other person with a gift, no because there is a special occasion or something, but because you've seen something that you think that the other person would like.

It's a lot like friendship, but maybe deeper? Like thinking that something bad may occur to the other person, makes you physically ill.

Even if you are an introvert, spending time with this other person doesn't cause you to be fatigued like with other people.

This person becomes family and you want to have them by your side for your all life.

 

This is only my personal opinion, I think that different people have different take on romantic attraction and they all would be valid.

Hmm. That also sound kind of QPR-ish, maybe.

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19 hours ago, Tobi-82 said:

Recently I have discovered the meaning of sensual attraction and I realise this is kinda what I thought romance was... along with the stereotypical candlelight dinner and rose giving antics!

SAME!!! The sensual attraction bit really appeals to me, but I think the candlelit dinner / rose-giving antics makes me feel too awkward. I'm thinking I'm aro because of this.

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The Roomba Chicken
1 hour ago, Beaver Boy said:

SAME!!! The sensual attraction bit really appeals to me, but I think the candlelit dinner / rose-giving antics makes me feel too awkward. I'm thinking I'm aro because of this.

Sensual attraction also appeals to me! Except I feel like I wouldn't go through with it, it feels too awkward :0

Super intimate dates and stuff also seem really awkward to me, 

I guess I'm just an awkward person!

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18 hours ago, GloriaA said:

It's like a tender feeling I think, the one that when there is enough place on the couch for three people, it makes you draw closer to the other person just because.

Isn’t this sensual attraction? I’m kind of confused. I do recognize that for many people, sensual attraction and romantic attraction go together. Maybe some people cannot feel sensual attraction without romantic attraction, so they assume sensual attraction is romantic attraction (in which case I suppose sensual attraction indeed is romantic attraction for them). It is possible for some people (me and possibly @Tobi-82) to feel sensual attraction without romantic attraction.

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The Roomba Chicken

It's like a tender feeling I think, the one that when there is enough place on the couch for three people, it makes you draw closer to the other person just because.

 

Isn’t this sensual attraction? I’m kind of confused. I do recognize that for many people, sensual attraction and romantic attraction go together. Maybe some people cannot feel sensual attraction without romantic attraction, so they assume sensual attraction is romantic attraction (in which case I suppose sensual attraction indeed is romantic attraction for them). It is possible for some people (me and possibly @Tobi-82) to feel sensual attraction without romantic attraction.

 

I read that sensual attraction is kissing, hugging, etc, which can probably be interpreted as romantic attraction by others,

The only real problem is that whatever I read about attractions, all of them EXCEPT romantic attraction has examples as to what it feels like!

The only thing I've found about romance is this random article that says that romance is in the little things, the way someone looks at you, how your heart skips when you see your love interest, and other things like that which I am almost certain are true for a QPR as well! Everything I've read I feel relates to a QPR to me...

 

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19 minutes ago, Tobi-82 said:

I read that sensual attraction is kissing, hugging, etc, which can probably be interpreted as romantic attraction by others,

The only real problem is that whatever I read about attractions, all of them EXCEPT romantic attraction has examples as to what it feels like!

The only thing I've found about romance is this random article that says that romance is in the little things, the way someone looks at you, how your heart skips when you see your love interest, and other things like that which I am almost certain are true for a QPR as well! Everything I've read I feel relates to a QPR to me...

 

I’m thinking maybe romantic attraction is the desire to start a romantic relationship with someone. As in, get in a relationship in which the people agree to call romantic simply because they have an inherent desire to do so. I can’t really seem to find a satisfactory definition of romantic attraction.

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The Roomba Chicken
Just now, Beaver Boy said:

I’m thinking maybe romantic attraction is the desire to start a romantic relationship with someone. As in, get in a relationship in which the people agree to call romantic simply because they have an inherent desire to do so. I can’t really seem to find a satisfactory definition of romantic attraction.

I just found the word "Quoiromantic" which is likely what I'm experiencing, actually! A suitable definition of romantic attraction that I'd understand is evading my grasp entirely. Thank you heaps for helping me! I hoped this can help someone else who is confused like me :0 

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3 hours ago, Tobi-82 said:

I just found the word "Quoiromantic" which is likely what I'm experiencing, actually! A suitable definition of romantic attraction that I'd understand is evading my grasp entirely. Thank you heaps for helping me! I hoped this can help someone else who is confused like me :0 

Good point. Romantic attraction is really difficult to pinpoint.

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winchester.kaz2y5

I don't think I've ever been in love but I can imagine it would be like a craving, just desperately wanting to be close to someone all the time, and trusting them unconditionally.

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Celyn: The Lutening

Love GloriaA's definition. Understanding what romance is is tricky for me too. I read Cassandra Clare's Infernal Devices and the Parabatai thing sounded like a romance to me, so I was totally confused when some of the later Shadowhunter books said that romance between Parabatai was forbidden. So I refused to read them. 

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Acesneedspaces

I've been reading these and I'm thinking i might be misinterpreting some of my feelings because a lot of what has been described is what i do with my friends and not my crush. Something exciting happens? I tell my best friends. Wanting to hang out all the time? That's with my best friends.

Maybe what i feel with my crush is more a mix of sensual and aesthetic attraction? I want to hold her hand. I want to be close to her physically. I want to be the one she tells her secrets to, but with my best friends i already am the person they tell their secrets to. I want to date her in a way that i want an exclusive relationship and to be someone special to her, but maybe that's not a romantic thing? I know some people have polyamorous relationships or open relationships so maybe that's just something about me and not romantic attraction in general. I want to know everything about her, but i feel that way about many people because I'm a writer and that's kind of in my nature.

Basically i don't know what I'm feeling, really.

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  • 4 weeks later...
The Roomba Chicken
On 3/18/2018 at 2:16 PM, Celyn said:

Love GloriaA's definition. Understanding what romance is is tricky for me too. I read Cassandra Clare's Infernal Devices and the Parabatai thing sounded like a romance to me, so I was totally confused when some of the later Shadowhunter books said that romance between Parabatai was forbidden. So I refused to read them. 

Oh my gosh, the exact same thing actually happened to me! I understood the Parabatai bond as a kind of romantic relationship, too!

I ended up reading the next series though, but I didn't enjoy it as much...

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The Roomba Chicken
On 3/22/2018 at 12:17 PM, Acesneedspaces said:

I've been reading these and I'm thinking i might be misinterpreting some of my feelings because a lot of what has been described is what i do with my friends and not my crush. Something exciting happens? I tell my best friends. Wanting to hang out all the time? That's with my best friends.

Maybe what i feel with my crush is more a mix of sensual and aesthetic attraction? I want to hold her hand. I want to be close to her physically. I want to be the one she tells her secrets to, but with my best friends i already am the person they tell their secrets to. I want to date her in a way that i want an exclusive relationship and to be someone special to her, but maybe that's not a romantic thing? I know some people have polyamorous relationships or open relationships so maybe that's just something about me and not romantic attraction in general. I want to know everything about her, but i feel that way about many people because I'm a writer and that's kind of in my nature.

Basically i don't know what I'm feeling, really.

I'm still super confused about all this stuff, as well!

It's been especially hard because I've only ever had one crush in my life and I can't even tell if it was a real crush! The person was about 8 years older than me and it just felt wrong to think of them romantically. I felt like I was a kid to them, and I probably was right.

I don't understand emotions at all!

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I have crushes but that's pretty much it. I hate romance/everything romantic and the thought of cuddling, hugging, kissing etc. with someone just makes me feel awkward, disgusted and anxious. When I see myself in the future I just see myself living alone, sleeping in my own bed alone or maybe with a few cats. 

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