Jump to content

Possible sex repulsion-- what do I do?


shakemyfeathers

Recommended Posts

shakemyfeathers

Content warning: sex mention (obviously), masturbation, nudes/nsfw photos

 

I'll start with saying that I'm not currently on any medication, nor have I ever been on medication (other than non-prescription allergy stuff from time to time). I deal with depression more often than not and usually struggle with anxiety, but I've basically grown up with those since they started around the time that I turned 10 or so. I also have a lot of top dysphoria (but very little bottom dysphoria), but again, that's been something I've been dealing with for years.

 

I'm currently 19 and a first year in university. I'm nonbinary and use they/them pronouns.

 

I've had most of the sexual experiences in my life since getting to uni, as well as my romantic experiences. Up until recently I figured I was probably pansexual and panromantic because I enjoy making sexual jokes and laughing/talking about sex, I don't mind hearing about the sex lives of others, enjoy masturbation (and usually look at stuff involving other people or imagine situations involving myself, things like that), etc. However, every time I've actually gotten into a sexual situation it's felt awkward and unnatural to me, and I feel wrong or deeply uncomfortable afterwards.

 

So far the only sexual situation where I haven't felt completely disgusted with myself was one in with a girl where I was the more dominant one for almost the entire experience, and even then, it felt uncomfortable. It just? Wasn't interesting? Or appealing? And like I said earlier, I felt uncomfortable afterwards. I know it's not a matter of gender-based attraction because I've felt uncomfortable with both binary genders in previous situations. For the record, I put myself into them just because I figured it was worth trying. I was really only strongly romantically attracted to her, but I know that I'm not uncomfortable with the idea of casual sex-- in fact, it's one of the things I have the least trouble getting off to the idea of when I'm on my own.

 

Beyond that, I tend to get so uncomfortable in sexual situations involving other people that I can shut down. Receiving things like nudes or NSFW images causes me to panic to the point that I'm useless for the rest of the day. That's probably why I feel like this isn't coherent—someone sent me some porn photos (not of themselves) earlier and I still feel incredibly wrong, to the point that hanging out with this person felt distinctly bad so I had to go hide. Which is what I'm doing now.

 

I had a point in this that I wasn't able to write out as well as I wanted to, so take this instead. I don't know what I want in response, but is this similar to the experiences of other people who are sex repulsed? Am I just super dysphoric? Am I trying things with the wrong people?

 

Thanks in advance.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey Shakemyfeathers

 

Firstly, welcome to AVEN and the Ace Gang!

 

I'm sorry to hear that you are in this current state of limbo but please know you are not alone. There are many others out there who would be in the same boat as you.

 

It sounds like you are on the asexual spectrum. I think it's important to note that sexuality can slide around, at the end of the day we need to trust our gut instincts as opposed to trying to stick to the labels we give ourselves. I mention this because you state you might be sex-repulsed but you have had an experience where you weren't fully sex-repulsed. Perhaps this means you are grey-ace or demisexual? I.e. you have the capability of experiencing sexual attraction on an occasional basis or you can experience sexual attraction once a deeper emotional bond has been established.

 

I think your concerns are a mixture of feeling sex-repulsed and also fearing it comes from "trying things with the wrong people." If we can develop a strong romantic or aro (platonic) connection with someone but sexual aspects seem off, you are most-likely asexual (:

Link to post
Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere

Remember that SEX IS NOT OBLIGATORY. You don't have to have sex if you don't want to. In fact, if you know you don't want to and know that it makes you feel bad, the best idea is not to have sex.

Link to post
Share on other sites
shakemyfeathers

I don't know if anyone looks back at this, or responds, but I'll respond anyways? Seems more worth it than not. Update: you can ping people? nice

 

@Gldlynch That seems possible, yeah. I hadn't really considered demisexuality but that's more likely than not. I know that I was definitely more comfortable with the girl I mentioned in my first post— I typically gauge my comfort with someone based on if I'd be okay hanging out with them without talking or directly interacting, and we're definitely at that point. I couldn't ever see myself actually being romantically attracted to her like I was before, but for the time that'd make sense.

I guess my question (that I don't expect you to answer) then is how long do most demisexual people take to experience sexual attraction? I know it's different for everyone, but still, I'm curious...

 

Thanks for the response and for helping me out! Sexuality is weird, so whatever I can figure out to best bring clarity to what I'm feeling is welcome knowledge.

 

@Nowhere Girl Trust me, I'm aware of that. I learned my lesson there.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...