RunningStrong Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 So not long ago I had a conversation with a friend, and I made the observation that guys just DON't flirt with me. I don't put out the flirty vibe, so that might have something to do with it... But earlier this week I had a conversation that I THINK might have been flirtatious... But I have NO idea. What the hell IS flirting? Why do people do it? The more I'm exploring my sexuality the more I wonder about these things. Do guys flirt with me and I not pick up on it? I'm hetero-romantic, but I seriously don't think anyone's flirted with me in any subtle ways that people seem to expect. Either that or I'm just socially awkward...? Link to post Share on other sites
Mx. Who Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 Girl, I'm with you. I'm oblivious to flirting (if it happens at all) and socially awkward. The fastest I ever figured out someone was flirting with me was when a guy I didn't know asked me for my phone number. It took me a week. *sniff* I'm so proud of myself! See, I can't flirt. Despite what people may tell me, I can't flirt. ex. A guy had a hat. People were stealing it. It annoyed him. Since he was my friend and I'm me, I naturally had to annoy him the entire week. Link to post Share on other sites
soda59 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 It took me a while to realize that I do kind of flirt...Kind of...I mean I'm not attracted to the person and I don't do it sexually. But I really like teasing people like lightly poking fun that could be seen as flirting. I've noticed I do it a lot more naturally with guys than girls....because I feel like most guys I know are more comfortable with it...I realize that might be innate sexism or something. I did not get flirted with until I was older. I was too sloppy/ unattractive. It is what it is. I don't want to say that you are in this stage of your life, but it's my personal experience. I can pick up on it because you can see it in someone's eyes. They give you googley eyes kind of like the way a dog looks at a treat it really wants to eat...It's funny, but it's kind of the same look like 'I want'. We need a term that's like flirting for squishes for platonic teasing - like like like squirt---- uhmnn...nevermind that won't work- back to the drawing board...uhm....How about ...fluishing? ....ahg...no.... Link to post Share on other sites
Mx. Who Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 1 minute ago, spazzticsoda said: I can pick up on it because you can see it in someone's eyes. They give you googley eyes kind of like the way a dog looks at a treat it really wants to eat...It's funny, but it's kind of the same look like 'I want'. WHAT THE HECK THAT'S SO WEIRD 2 minutes ago, spazzticsoda said: We need a term that's like flirting for squishes for platonic teasing - like like like squirt---- uhmnn...nevermind that won't work- back to the drawing board...uhm....How about ...fluishing? ....ahg...no.... What about fluting? Yeah never mind. Link to post Share on other sites
soda59 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 1 minute ago, imahappynothing said: 4 minutes ago, spazzticsoda said: I can pick up on it because you can see it in someone's eyes. They give you googley eyes kind of like the way a dog looks at a treat it really wants to eat...It's funny, but it's kind of the same look like 'I want'. WHAT THE HECK Yeah , I have to be honest it took me a while to pick up on it.. But if you want to know someone is asexual, they don't look at other people like that, lmao. I'm not sure if romantic people give the same eyes too, but I've had strangers give me those eyes. Dogs are very expressive, so you will see a lot of the same emotions in them . So the look people give you when they are interested in you is a strange longing, kind of look. Link to post Share on other sites
DJS05 Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 I posted on this topic in "things aces find weird". Yeah, I don't get flirting either. I mean, if you got something on your mind, speak up. Don't just stand there acting like you have something stuck to your eyeball... Link to post Share on other sites
Kersenne Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 I didn't know what fliting was until I got to university - guys might have been flirting with me before that, but I was jsut to oblivious to it, and anyway, I didn't think I was attractive enough anyway. But then, when I was in uni, guys were not subtle about flirting at all. Plainly, they would ask me for drinks/movies/the zoo, whatever place could conceivably be seen as romantic. They would put an arm around my shoulders, try to take my hand, slide their foot along mine. They would ask my age, if I had a boyfriend, my contact details (sometimes in very sublt/covert ways). Frankly the first times I went on dates, I had a friend telling me afterwards that I had been on a date... I had no idea, haha, I though I was jsut going out with a friend! But I learnt over time to recognize the signs - looking at you, following you with his eyes, touching you, wanting to spend time with you... And as spazzticsoda said, I like flirting too, but I don't do it for any sexual or romantic reasons, I just like flirting and I didn't know what I was doing was acutally flirting until a guy just bluntly told me I was flirting with him. Since then, I've been more careful with my flirting, but yes, I like teasing and poking and flirting in general (though I don't want anything out of it). Link to post Share on other sites
AcornCarvings Posted March 8, 2018 Share Posted March 8, 2018 Definition of flirt: intransitive verb 1 : to move erratically : flit : butterflies flirting among the flowers (credit Merriam Webster dictionary) seriously answering your question, though, I don't have a solid idea of what it is. I am a pretty bubbly person, and I usually say that I flirt with all the people I love, and not as a way of trying to obtain a romantic or sexual relationship. But I know everyone doesn't work that way, so I just go with the flow. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 I think a lot of asexuals might flirt for attention, because that's one of the motivations behind it for sexuals. You can also just be a playful person, but I am guessing that either most people are too serious themselves and don't get that or those people learned earlier on to avoid joking around with others unless they are intentionally flirting. It makes a lot of sense that asexuals would be slower to connect things, because we aren't sexually attracted and some of us aren't romantically attracted as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Claire1983 Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 Right there with you! Link to post Share on other sites
Laplace Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 I don’t think I flirt, but apparently I must by complete accident cause people have thought I was together with some people or I was hitting on someone. So, not only do I not notice other people’s passes, but I don’t even realize that my mannerisms and actions may get construed as flirting either 😫. I always thought I was just a complete nobody but apparently I must be somewhat charming 🧐🧐🧐. Link to post Share on other sites
Claire1983 Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 I try to flirt sometimes and then when someone takes me up on it I freak out. Like "no, no, no, I was just doing catch and release here!" Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 Flirting eludes me, I either don't see it when it's happening, or it rarely happens and so when I do see it, the perpetrator has gotten to the desperate stage! that always makes for trouble... Link to post Share on other sites
Quality_Penguins Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 THIS IS SO ME But yeah like has anyone ever flirted with me?? Am I ugly or just too dense? These questions will never be answered. And I hang out with guys a lot, so I never really perceive hanging out one-on-one with a guy as romantic. I just see it as a fun thing to do with a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
RedSheep2 Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 Flirting is a way to let someone know you're enjoying their company, or you find them attractive. A lot of it is non-verbal...lots of eye-contact, arm/shoulder touching & smiling. It doesn't have to be overtly sexual like, "Your ass looks great in those jeans!" (Ew) Flirting is fun. 99% of the time it doesn't lead to anything which is totally fine. It helps lighten the mood and relax me around the opposite sex. Sometimes I'll playfully flirt with a woman if I like her energy or vibe too. Link to post Share on other sites
Mx. Who Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 Seriously, we need a word for squish flirting. Anybody? Anybody at all? The best I have is fluting, but that sounds weird. Link to post Share on other sites
Yep, me Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 14 hours ago, imahappynothing said: Seriously, we need a word for squish flirting. Anybody? Anybody at all? The best I have is fluting, but that sounds weird. It doesn’t just sound weird, fluting means to play a flute, and I don’t want words with double meanings. Link to post Share on other sites
Claire1983 Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 Flitting perhaps? Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 Fluting could also sound like a euphemism for a blow job. Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 Whilst a flute player is a flautist, the word "flauting" doesn't seem to exist in the English language so that could do Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 Flirting eludes me, I either don't see it when it's happening, or it rarely happens and so when I do see it, the perpetrator has gotten to the desperate stage! that always makes for trouble... On the other side of this last post, I've been known to make some comments misinterpreted as flirting, as when I admired a chap's clothes one time and everyone went 'oooh! you fancy him!' - only to be told ''nah! It's his shirt I fancy! Where did you get it mate?' Link to post Share on other sites
Mx. Who Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 On 3/21/2018 at 5:24 PM, Zenzencat104 said: It doesn’t just sound weird, fluting means to play a flute, and I don’t want words with double meanings. That's true. On 3/21/2018 at 5:38 PM, Claire1983 said: Flitting perhaps? Nope, double meaning. On 3/21/2018 at 5:39 PM, Telecaster68 said: Fluting could also sound like a euphemism for a blow job. HOW???? You know what, I don't want to know. On 3/21/2018 at 5:47 PM, Skycaptain said: Whilst a flute player is a flautist, the word "flauting" doesn't seem to exist in the English language so that could do Ooh, good one. On 3/24/2018 at 4:42 AM, chandrakirti said: Flirting eludes me, I either don't see it when it's happening, or it rarely happens and so when I do see it, the perpetrator has gotten to the desperate stage! that always makes for trouble... On the other side of this last post, I've been known to make some comments misinterpreted as flirting, as when I admired a chap's clothes one time and everyone went 'oooh! you fancy him!' - only to be told ''nah! It's his shirt I fancy! Where did you get it mate?' Me. Link to post Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 Flirting is an unlearnable foreign language to me, but in my case, a clinical diagnosis of Asperger's pretty well explained it. Link to post Share on other sites
Karret Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 It might be flying over your head, especially if you have an amicable disposition. I've been pretty slow on subtle hints to attempt to flirt with me and shit, and I might have accidentally gone on a date before, but I didn't realize it might have been that until like... years later. I don't know, but I'm going to say it was just a fun time hanging out. But yeah... I have a lot of trouble picking up on that shit. My reactions are like a) Oh you're friendly too, fuckin sweeet~ let's chill and be merry b) huh, that was a little weird.. -le glaze over- c) wait.... could that be a flirt? Is that a flirt?? Are they flirting with me? @_ @a I can't tell; play it safe - they aren't hitting on you, that's a narcissistic thing to think. d) [after much time has passed] I think it might have been a flirt. Link to post Share on other sites
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