Am I asexual or do I just not like people?

[aaliie]

(NOTE: I have a few mental health issues along the lines of an eating disorder, anxiety- social and general- and the desire to isolate myself from everyone).

I was wondering whether you can think people are quite attractive, but not want any physical contact or romantic involvement apart from just wanting to be friends? I really dislike human contact, even from my best friends and a situation that is occurring with a boy at the moment has had me wondering whether I am in fact asexual. The idea of hugging, kissing and sexual contact makes me feel really uncomfortable but only when it involves me, not necessarily other people. What I am trying to say is that I personally have no sexual desire with people, but I also happen to find boys attractive (physically, facially, that sort of thing) and am not disgusted by other people hugging and kissing, but as soon as I am involved it makes me feel disgusted.

[tgif]

Sounds like you could be ace. However there could be a variety of other factors. You should see if any medication you are taking has a side effect of reducing your sex drive.

[Harmony12]

That sounds like asexuality to me. I can totally relate to the disliking human contact part, as well as finding people good-looking but not wanting to do anything with anyone. And even if your asexuality is influenced by a mental issue, that doesn't make it any less valid. 

[SangWoo]

Are you young? I used to think like this especially when I was dealing with my mental health issues but after getting help for complex PTSD and social anxiety I started to improve. I am not saying that you are not ace but sometimes these feelings come from either being young, battling mental illness, or both. You could possibly be ace but also you could be battling other things as well. 

[Yep, me]

Sounds asexual to me.

[Robin Hood]

Here is the long an short of it. Lower sexual interest can be a side-effect or medication and a symptom of some medical conditions and some mental health issues. BUT, that does not mean that you cannot identify as ACE. The thing is, sexuality can be fluid. Some people stay the same, other's change for a number of reasons. That doesn't make the way you feel right now any less valid, and no ACE people will be mad at you for using the term, even if you are unsure about it. If your sexuality changes, for ANY reason, that is OK! Just be honest with yourself and anyone you may try to date and you're fine.

 

I went through a terrible depression a few years ago and people often assumed that was why I didn't feel sexual attraction. I am no longer depressed, in fact I'm an obnoxiously happy person, but I am sill asexual. Even if that turns out to not be the case for you, just know that it is ok, an no one has the right to make you feel lesser for it.  I thought it was a symptom, and I was so worried about misrepresenting myself or others who "really were asexual". Don't worry if you identify wrong. It's OK!

 

If you feel bad using the term, though you shouldn't, you can also use the term Grey Asexual. This term technically means that you experience sexual attraction, but it is so rare that you feel you may as well call yourself asexual. It is a valid form of asexuality. Some people remain Grey Ace for their entire lives.  However, because the term is less rigid many people who are unsure about their asexuality or only just recently realized their asexuality feel more comfortable using it. Others use the term Abrosexual, which means your sexuality changes frequently. Which is also OK! 

 

You should know that being asexual does not automatically mean that you cannot feel romantically attracted to people. Some people are heteromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, panromantic, etc. I'm a panromantic asexual myself, so I understand that experience very well. I've had crushes and have even been hopelessly in love. You can still date, as long as you are clear with your partner about where you stand. Open communication matters when you date! Mind you, you can also be aromantic, just know that is it not a given. 

 

You also can be sex positive as an asexual. I love dirty novels, even though they don't arouse me at all (you can still go by ACE even if they do). I am also an incorrigible "shipper". I am comfortable discussing my friends sex lives. You don't have to hate the very idea of sex to be ACE. 

 

There is also a term called Demisexuality, which might be what you are experiencing. Demi means you are mostly ACE, but after you have been in love with a trusted partner for a period of time, you begin to experience sexual attraction to your partner. Demisexuality differs from person to person, so you might need to find a Demi forum for more information.

 

Don't pressure yourself too hard to figure it out right way. Sometimes these things take time. Sometimes they change while you are figuring it out. Sometimes you don't fit a specific mold or don't want to be labeled at all. Whatever you choose, as long as it makes you comfortable, is fine! 

 

 

 

Edited March 8, 2018 by Robin Hood
Typos

[aaliie]

Thanks for all the great advice everyone, it’s made me feel a lot better! I’m not doing too bad with the mental health side of things at the moment, but I haven’t considered the side effects of my meds. May have to check on that.

 

*EDIT* 

I’m also sixteen for those wondering.

[Claire1983]

I have social anxiety too and it wasn't until I figured out my medication and started working with a therapist that I began to consider that I might be ace.  It's definitely worth talking to your doctor about medication and side effects, but that doesn't mean you can't be ace too.  I know Zoloft killed my libido, but after it did, I realized that I wasn't that upset over it and started to think that my anxiety might have been keeping me from identifying my feelings properly.  I thought my anxiety was holding me back in regards to sex but now I think maybe I'm just not that into it.