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My friend is aromantic and highly sexual... how does that work?


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I'm having a very hard time balancing this in my brain. I've been interested in this girl for a while, so far we've been really great friends and early on she told me she was aromantic. Which I thought was a pretty big bummer but after a while she finally gave me access to what she writes (also, she writes) and I found it very... sexual. Like on scale of 1 to 10 were talking 9.7. So I'm very confused as to how she can be both, and how ANY sort of relationship could work for her. I believe she is sexually attracted towards me but doesn't take interest in any sort of relationship so IF, IF any kind of relationship COULD happen, how are things like Kissing, Hugging, Hand-Holding, etc. go? I understand it's different for every person but what does evidence show is the most probable?

Edit: Also we're gonna call her Sarah to make things easier.

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Sexual but non-romantic is pretty much why prostitution is a business.  Not really as complex as you seem to think.

 

Also, I wouldn't necessarily take someone writing a lot of smut as a sign they're sexual.  They're often going to be interpreted to be so (as you are) but ask around here and you'll find a ton of aces who are into that sort of stuff and may even compose some of it themselves but they still aren't personally interested in sex with anybody.

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It makes sense.  If asexuals can be romantically attracted to people but uninterested in the physical side of a relationship then it stands to reason that the reverse is true.  People do friends with benefits type relationships all the time, it just sounds like she would do that without the risk of it developing into more

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56 minutes ago, JayWolff said:

I'm having a very hard time balancing this in my brain. I've been interested in this girl for a while, so far we've been really great friends and early on she told me she was aromantic. Which I thought was a pretty big bummer but after a while she finally gave me access to what she writes (also, she writes) and I found it very... sexual. Like on scale of 1 to 10 were talking 9.7. So I'm very confused as to how she can be both, and how ANY sort of relationship could work for her. I believe she is sexually attracted towards me but doesn't take interest in any sort of relationship so IF, IF any kind of relationship COULD happen, how are things like Kissing, Hugging, Hand-Holding, etc. go? I understand it's different for every person but what does evidence show is the most probable?

Edit: Also we're gonna call her Sarah to make things easier.

wait wait wait wait wait .............ARe YOU SUREEEE that she's not  asexual????? (as well as aromantic)

 

I write sexual fiction / roleplays sometimes, but they are fantasies , and don't involve my body. I don't want to have sex or a relationship with anyone either.

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I'm just asking...are you really sure that she is sexually attracted to you, or are you assuming? Because I knew someone who insisted I must be attracted to him ...and he was a 'so far we've been great friends' person too. Your post is kind of vague. Did she say aromantic and asexual or just aromantic?

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Alejandrogynous

I don't know about your friend specifically (it sounds like there are some assumptions being made), but being aromantic has nothing to do with sexuality so yeah, aromantic and sexual is definitely a thing. Lots of people have sex without romantic feelings, an aromantic sexual is just a sexual person who doesn't form romantic bonds with people. Which is totally normal and I wouldn't even call it rare.

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Adding to what Alejandrogynous has said (sounds the most accurate to me), sexual aromantic people can also find happiness being in queerplatonic relationships just like asexual aromantic people do. QPRs are not romantic, but they can be platonic+sexual, not always solely platonic. It's possible your friend could be happy in a relationship with you if you compromise on the romantic side of things.

 

But as others have said, just because someone writes or enjoys sexual fiction, doesn't make them sexual. Just like some aromantic people enjoy romantic fiction.

 

Again, important: sexual aromantic people can be happy in QP relationships and are not heartless robots. They are just as normal as asexual romantic people, and asexual aromantic people.

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