butterflydreams Posted March 11, 2018 Author Share Posted March 11, 2018 omg, update! She invited me over to her place today. I think she actually cancelled a trip to make it happen. We hung out for a bit, then started watching a movie. She was like, "you want to come closer?" And then we cuddled on the couch while watching the movie together. She had her arm around me rubbing my shoulder and then we were holding hands. I don't think I've ever been so nervous as when she initially asked if I wanted to get closer. I slid myself over and immediately apologized for how stiff I probably seemed. She wasn't worried about it. She really likes me, and as more than a friend. What really got me was that she sent me a text afterwards saying how she was really concerned about being too forward with me. She knows I'm new to this stuff and didn't want me to feel uncomfortable with her. When I left I made my own little move and gave her a hug. No kissing...yet...but only because I think she recognizes how new this is for me and doesn't want to push it. I think she would if she knew I would be comfortable with it. I think if things keep progressing, we will get there. It is inevitable. So that's my story. Thank you all for your insights and good advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Gentle Giant Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 @butterflydreams That is great that you found someone and getting somewhere with dating now. I’m happy for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Holy Ghost Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 @butterflydreams your innocence is the cutest thang. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted March 12, 2018 Author Share Posted March 12, 2018 12 hours ago, Gentle Giant said: @butterflydreams That is great that you found someone and getting somewhere with dating now. I’m happy for you! Thanks! I really like that she’s so respectful of my boundaries and newness to everything. Specifically saying she wants me to be comfortable with her is huge. 5 hours ago, Serendipity. said: @butterflydreams your innocence is the cutest thang. Awww, I was always hoping someone would find my somewhat unique lack of experience endearing, and I think this girl does. I have to admit, I don’t know the first thing about lesbian relationships, and some parts of it do give me serious pause. Mostly because I’m afraid of homophobia. Even in my uber-progressive city, seeing gay or lesbian couples together in public is really rare. And I look for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 I understand the fear of homophobia. I have posted about what I'm going through cause of my relationship . But, ya know what, forget the bigots. Your new partner will know what she's ok with doing in public. And even with all the nonsense in my area I take my partner out in her cute dresses and hold her hand and kiss her in public. You can't let the haters keep you from enjoying your relationship. And it's great she's so respectful. I told you that you would find someone one day. I hope things keep going so well. You deserve it. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 10 hours ago, Serran said: I understand the fear of homophobia. I have posted about what I'm going through cause of my relationship . But, ya know what, forget the bigots. Your new partner will know what she's ok with doing in public. And even with all the nonsense in my area I take my partner out in her cute dresses and hold her hand and kiss her in public. You can't let the haters keep you from enjoying your relationship. And it's great she's so respectful. I told you that you would find someone one day. I hope things keep going so well. You deserve it. Yeah, I remember you talking about that. You’d think I’d be used to the fear because of transitioning and everything. I guess it just feels different. Last night when we were walking around, holding hands, I was largely fine with it because we were alone, but eventually we came across a few guys walking around and I started to feel really nervous. I pass as female, so it really does look like two women holding hands. It’s not something I want to be afraid of, but right now, I am. She didn’t seem too worried by it. She seems to be very out and proud, which is the total opposite of me. And I wasn’t totally sure I could even be attracted to women, so it’s a very weird feeling. I have a lot of new and strange feelings right now, that’s for sure! Link to post Share on other sites
Kimmie. Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 OMG I am so happy for you She seems to be so respect full. I wish you all the best in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 14 minutes ago, butterflydreams said: Yeah, I remember you talking about that. You’d think I’d be used to the fear because of transitioning and everything. I guess it just feels different. Last night when we were walking around, holding hands, I was largely fine with it because we were alone, but eventually we came across a few guys walking around and I started to feel really nervous. I pass as female, so it really does look like two women holding hands. *nods* I won't say I don't get a little nervous doing it, I do. Especially since someone I work with could potentially see and then I'd be "outed" at work, which could cost me my job. But, I still won't let it stop me. If anything though, I'm more scared for my partner, cause they're more sensitive to remarks and if we got any might make her retreat a bit from public. So, it's OK to feel nervous. But, I'm glad you are still doing it, despite the nerves. 14 minutes ago, butterflydreams said: It’s not something I want to be afraid of, but right now, I am. She didn’t seem too worried by it. She seems to be very out and proud, which is the total opposite of me. And I wasn’t totally sure I could even be attracted to women, so it’s a very weird feeling. I have a lot of new and strange feelings right now, that’s for sure! Haha I get that. I was always like "YEAH I'M INTO GUYS, NOTHING ELSE"... now I'm marrying a woman. Go figure. It can be confusing though. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Quote I'd be "outed" at work, which could cost me my job. I always forget how much of the US is still disgraceful about discrimination. Someone losing their job for being gay is pretty much unthinkable - and certainly illegal - in Europe. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 3 hours ago, Serran said: *nods* I won't say I don't get a little nervous doing it, I do. Especially since someone I work with could potentially see and then I'd be "outed" at work, which could cost me my job. But, I still won't let it stop me. If anything though, I'm more scared for my partner, cause they're more sensitive to remarks and if we got any might make her retreat a bit from public. So, it's OK to feel nervous. But, I'm glad you are still doing it, despite the nerves. That’s awesome that you’re so supportive of your partner. I know I’d be very sensitive to any negative remarks too. I also have to remember that it’s different than when I was just starting transition. I’m not alone in this. My friend said that this girl would protect me if anything happened, and I’m inclined to agree. So sweet. 3 hours ago, Serran said: Haha I get that. I was always like "YEAH I'M INTO GUYS, NOTHING ELSE"... now I'm marrying a woman. Go figure. It can be confusing though. Hehe, I remember so many times me telling my friend, “I am not a lesbian” out of frustration that those seemed to be the only trans narratives I was hearing at the time. I’m not a lesbian, I’m bi, but I never expected I’d actually be attracted to a woman. We’ll see how it goes as things progress. For example, it’s hard for me to imagine certain scenarios with a woman that are much more easily imaginable with a man. Spoiler Sexually speaking, I’m really unsure. We haven’t gotten that far yet, but she did hint at it once. I feel like, like it or not, I understand male anatomy. It’s not that I don’t understand female anatomy, but I feel totally lost when thinking about it. I guess that’s a cross that bridge when I come to it. Otherwise, I’m just so happy. 3 hours ago, Telecaster68 said: I always forget how much of the US is still disgraceful about discrimination. Someone losing their job for being gay is pretty much unthinkable - and certainly illegal - in Europe. It’s a states’ rights kind of thing. That’s where the patchwork of laws comes from. I live in a state where you can’t be fired for being gay or trans or anything like that. Some states lack those protections. It’s sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 1 minute ago, butterflydreams said: Hehe, I remember so many times me telling my friend, “I am not a lesbian” out of frustration that those seemed to be the only trans narratives I was hearing at the time. I’m not a lesbian, I’m bi, but I never expected I’d actually be attracted to a woman. We’ll see how it goes as things progress. For example, it’s hard for me to imagine certain scenarios with a woman that are much more easily imaginable with a man. Hide contents Sexually speaking, I’m really unsure. We haven’t gotten that far yet, but she did hint at it once. I feel like, like it or not, I understand male anatomy. It’s not that I don’t understand female anatomy, but I feel totally lost when thinking about it. I guess that’s a cross that bridge when I come to it. Otherwise, I’m just so happy. Spoilering this since you spoilered yours, though you're in the grey area, so isn't needed. I wouldn't worry about the sexual aspects. She'll be able to guide you in what she likes. And, hint, even with male bodies they have to do this. It's about learning the other person's body, what they like, nothing else. Out of the four guys I've been with, none of them liked the same things. Trying to treat them the same would result in no pleasure. Same with women, really. If she has experience either with a partner or solo, she'll be able to tell you what to do. And it's similar to how you describe what you already do with yourself, anyway, as I told you in that AMA thread - you already should understand the female anatomy a bit, cause your anatomy seems to work the same way mine does after hormones, it just looks a bit different is all. Also, if / when that does happen, don't be afraid to tell her how you like it, it's totally normal and acceptable to teach a partner your specific likes/dislikes in bed. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 11 minutes ago, Serran said: Spoilering this since you spoilered yours, though you're in the grey area, so isn't needed. Hide contents I wouldn't worry about the sexual aspects. She'll be able to guide you in what she likes. And, hint, even with male bodies they have to do this. It's about learning the other person's body, what they like, nothing else. Out of the four guys I've been with, none of them liked the same things. Trying to treat them the same would result in no pleasure. Same with women, really. If she has experience either with a partner or solo, she'll be able to tell you what to do. And it's similar to how you describe what you already do with yourself, anyway, as I told you in that AMA thread - you already should understand the female anatomy a bit, cause your anatomy seems to work the same way mine does after hormones, it just looks a bit different is all. Also, if / when that does happen, don't be afraid to tell her how you like it, it's totally normal and acceptable to teach a partner your specific likes/dislikes in bed. Hehe, ok. I guess part of my worry is that what if she likes things I find I can’t do? Because of dysphoria? I suspect that she has some level of understanding of trans people, and hopefully dysphoria too. She’s already said she finds my newness cute and endearing. I guess I didn’t realize that someone would tell me what they like. I guess if she continues to prove herself to be a caring, compassionate person, it wouldn’t be that bad if we got to that place. She’s been very respectful and receptive to me saying, “hey, I’m new to this.” She genuinely doesn’t seem to mind. I think maybe I should just throw my hands up and say that I don’t know how any of this stuff works. And even if I did, she’s a new person and will be different anyway. And I do need to work on making sure I say what I like and what my needs are. For now though, I think I just want to be where we are. I bet that she’s going to ask for more eventually, but right now, I’m comfortable with where we are. I think she understands she can’t push me to too hard, too fast. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 2 minutes ago, butterflydreams said: I guess part of my worry is that what if she likes things I find I can’t do? Because of dysphoria? I suspect that she has some level of understanding of trans people, and hopefully dysphoria too. She’s already said she finds my newness cute and endearing. I guess I didn’t realize that someone would tell me what they like. If she's as awesome as it sounds like she is, then she'll understand. There are things I can't do with my partner because it causes difficult feelings for her. And there are things on my end that cause bad feelings in me. Everyone comes with baggage and it's OK. A caring partner will be understanding of it. That's when stating boundaries and compromises come into play. Sometimes compromises can't be reached, but I doubt "I can't do this or that act cause it sparks dysphoria" or "Could you do this a different way, cause it might trigger my dysphoria if you do it the other way..." would be a deal breaker level incompatibility, sexually speaking. 5 minutes ago, butterflydreams said: For now though, I think I just want to be where we are. I bet that she’s going to ask for more eventually, but right now, I’m comfortable with where we are. I think she understands she can’t push me to too hard, too fast. Well, yeah, it's new and you're not experienced. Do not rush. And I'm glad she's willing to take things slow and is being so respectful of your feelings. She really sounds great. And I'm very happy for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 It sounds like she's understanding, and intends to be very patient while you learn. I can understand why you'd be worried about not knowing what to do. Many people have the benefit of gaining sexual experience early on, but I would imagine that's much more likely for cisgender people, and probably heterosexual people as well. Maybe she understands what you're going through from fewer opportunities to explore her sexuality. In any case, take your time to work through things at a pace you can handle. I'm so happy for you that you have a chance to grow with a partner who respects you. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 4 hours ago, Snao Cone said: Many people have the benefit of gaining sexual experience early on, but I would imagine that's much more likely for cisgender people, and probably heterosexual people as well. I've always wondered about this. Part of me is sad that I didn't gain that sexual experience early on, like most people do. But another part of me thinks it's good that it turned out how it did, because maybe I'll be able to appreciate it more now. I'm not some dumb teenager anymore. I'm a smart, caring, thoughtful adult. Maybe that will make it better? And who knows...maybe if I had done something when I was younger, I would've set off all kinds of dysphoria unknowingly. I've never been as whole and as self aware as I am now. 4 hours ago, Snao Cone said: In any case, take your time to work through things at a pace you can handle. I'm so happy for you that you have a chance to grow with a partner who respects you. She seems to be very ok going at my pace, and in her words, "wants me to be comfortable with her." If this all keeps working out, she could really be a great first partner for me. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted March 15, 2018 Author Share Posted March 15, 2018 Well, we had a very interesting chat last night, and suffice it to say, it’s not technically a lesbian relationship. I’m totally comfortable with this. It’s nice that we can relate on this major aspect of our lives. Link to post Share on other sites
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