Kissing and Beyond

[butterflydreams]

I...I met someone. A woman (I know, color me surprised). And we seem to really be hitting it off.

 

I talked to my friend about it. About how we had a date planned. And my friend asked me, "what if she makes a move?"

 

I had to ask what that was. She replied, "You know, what if she tries to kiss you?"

 

I'd never thought of that before. No one's ever tried to kiss me. I've never been kissed by anyone, or kissed anyone myself. I'm skeptical it'll happen, but my friend insisted, "it's inevitable."

 

It's inevitable?! Oh shit! How do I know if I'll like it? How do I know how to do it at all? I can't just put my hands up if she tries to kiss me and go "woah, hold on a sec". So what do I do? I think I want to try kissing someone, but I don't know for sure, and I for sure don't know how to do it. Any chance people here can make me feel less scared about this whole thing? 

[soda59]

I had my first kiss two years ago....and it was fucking awkward...You just have to go with it. There isn't really much to it than awkwardly trying to put your lips together. maybe the person with me was a horrible kisser, or maybe I was just a dead fish (I kept ...kind of chuckling? .... and pulling back too and apologizing...Oh my god it was so bad it was funny). The person was trying hard too..and I kept opening my eyes and seeing their face so close and trying even harder not to laugh because it was so funny to see them up that close, and I wish I had kept my eyes shut...  hahahahahah. We didn't try kissing after that.

 

I know that probably doesn't help, but it doesn't hurt to try it if you want. I regret who I shared the kiss with, but I don't really regret having done it.

 

Think of it as swimming, you are going to flounder a bit, and that's okay. The girl should probably  know you don't have a lot of experience with this type of thing. It probably helps if you are able to form an attachment and trust the person. Because it's more like synchronized swimming. Don't be like my case, where one person is trying to do laps as fast as they can, and the other one is still trying to pull on their floaties .

[NerotheReaper]

Not all kisses are going to be fireworks, so don't be turned off by that fact. To me I think it is less about how it feels and how does kissing this one person feel like. Does it feel nice to kiss them, do you like kissing them, that line of thinking. You can tell your date when it is apparent they might be making a move, leaning in, making serious eye contact, and let them know you aren't really experienced. Hopefully they will be understanding!

 

Good luck! 

[Chimeric]

9 minutes ago, butterflydreams said:

I can't just put my hands up if she tries to kiss me and go "woah, hold on a sec"

Why not? 

 

There is a lot of genuine charm in admitting to someone that you've never done this before and you're feeling awkward and you're excited about it but you're also nervous - at least in my opinion. I think it's adorable.  We're young enough still that that isn't an outlandish situation to be in - and it's sort of sweet to share that kind of potential vulnerability with someone. I'd be tickled, if it were me!

 

There's no really good advice for learning how to kiss other than just jumping in there and doing it. Follow her lead. =) It's allowed to be awkward! You may squish noses or bump teeth or something but it happens to the best of us (we just like to pretend like it doesn't). I still can't quite figure out the eyes open versus closed thing, hehehe.

 

For me, the apprehension/nervousness is part of the fun.  I like kissing, a lot - it makes my tummy all warm and fuzzy and sort of the way it gets right before you're about to go over the drop on a roller coaster (but without the fear of actual death, hahaha). 

 

Do try not to focus on the kissing bit, though - enjoy the rest of the date, and if it happens, it happens! If not, you won't have spent too long fixating on it. I know that's much easier said than done, but do try. =)

 

Worst case scenario, it will be an interesting chapter in your memoir!

 

I'm excited for you. =D

[LittleLottie]

Hi there! 

     I had my first kiss just last year, and I concur with everyone else, its a bit awkward, and that's okay. To me awkward doesn't necessarily mean bad per say, it was still nice, since it was the first time that I'd been that intimate with another person, and I cared about him very much. Try to think about it bringing you closer to someone you fancy instead of it being this new scary thing. I think the "worst" part of it to me was that it just kind of felt like we just kept kissing (if that's tmi I'm sorry), I felt like umm, it was nice the first 5-10 seconds, ya done yet? lol  

    But worry not, its not really a huge deal, it wasnt a life altering event or anything. And its more enjoyable once you get past the nervous/awkward phase of the relationship

[Philip027]

Wouldn't treat this too much differently from the topic of sex.  Just talk about it beforehand.  How the other person responds might be a rather important determinant to whether you want to continue being with that person, anyhow.

 

Much like with sex, some people can find the whole "virginity"/ignorance/awkwardness thing to be an endearing quality.

[butterflydreams]

10 hours ago, Chimeric said:

11 hours ago, butterflydreams said:

I can't just put my hands up if she tries to kiss me and go "woah, hold on a sec"

Why not? 

My therapist and my friend said it would be a bad idea. Really ruining the moment I guess? 

 

10 hours ago, Chimeric said:

There is a lot of genuine charm in admitting to someone that you've never done this before and you're feeling awkward and you're excited about it but you're also nervous - at least in my opinion. I think it's adorable.  We're young enough still that that isn't an outlandish situation to be in - and it's sort of sweet to share that kind of potential vulnerability with someone. I'd be tickled, if it were me!

But this is true too. Or at least, I’d like it to be true. So I shouldn’t be embarrassed that I’m 29 and have never kissed anyone? That’s kind of my other fear. 

 

10 hours ago, Chimeric said:

For me, the apprehension/nervousness is part of the fun.  I like kissing, a lot - it makes my tummy all warm and fuzzy and sort of the way it gets right before you're about to go over the drop on a roller coaster (but without the fear of actual death, hahaha). 

That’s good to know, because I’m definitely really apprehensive about it, but also kind of excited. Like, could this be it? Could this be the first time someone actually likes me? It reminds me of the first time I held hands with someone.

 

10 hours ago, Chimeric said:

Do try not to focus on the kissing bit, though - enjoy the rest of the date, and if it happens, it happens! If not, you won't have spent too long fixating on it. I know that's much easier said than done, but do try. =)

This is definitely good advice I think. I should go in looking to have fun with her on the date, and anything else that happens is a bonus.

[Bloc]

10 minutes ago, butterflydreams said:

But this is true too. Or at least, I’d like it to be true. So I shouldn’t be embarrassed that I’m 29 and have never kissed anyone? That’s kind of my other fear. 

I haven't before I was 32. So there is no reason to be embarrassed. I think it is a good idea to tell her that you don't have much experience when you have the impression she wants to kiss you or just after kissing. And also it may happen that you want to kiss her but you are too afraid to act like it happened to me. This is also okay.

 

 

[mace_]

5 hours ago, butterflydreams said:

But this is true too. Or at least, I’d like it to be true. So I shouldn’t be embarrassed that I’m 29 and have never kissed anyone? That’s kind of my other fear. 

I had my first kiss only some months ago at the age of 31. There is no reason to be embarrassed no matter how old you are. Just remember to only do what feels right for you. If you want to try it, try it. If you don't like it you can always stop it. If you like it you continue. If you don't want to do it you can always say it doesn't feel right for you at the moment and you need more time.

If you want to try it it's really not that complicated, just do what feels good for you, the rest will come automatically.

[butterflydreams]

5 hours ago, Bloc said:

I haven't before I was 32. So there is no reason to be embarrassed.

20 minutes ago, mace_ said:

I had my first kiss only some months ago at the age of 31. There is no reason to be embarrassed no matter how old you are.

Thanks! I'll try to keep this in mind. It helps so much to hear that I'm not alone, too. 

 

My friend told me today that anything this girl wants to do, I should let her do. If she tries to touch me, I should let her. If she tries to kiss me, I should let her. Unless there's something I'm absolutely NOT ok with. I think she's trying to get me over my fears to just let things happen. Because it is all fears. I've never really been in a position where someone liked me enough to potentially kiss me. I don't want to do anything wrong.

 

Part of me is afraid that because this stuff has never happened before, that it can't now, and that something will come up to put the brakes on everything. I almost feel like I'm not allowed to do these things. Like I have to ask someone else for permission. "Is it ok to kiss someone who wants to kiss me?" That kind of thing. I don't know why I feel that way. Maybe just because of how long it's been that it hasn't happened.

[roland.o]

19 hours ago, butterflydreams said:

How do I know how to do it at all?

Do you like cuddling? Do that. Embrace the other person with your arms, caress them with your hands. Then proceed to caress them with your lips. If both of you feel comfortable with it, proceed to caress them with your tongue. If you're getting overwhelmed, ease off a little, take a breath and say: Can we take this a little bit slower? Then continue with snuggling before getting your lips back into the game. As long as you don't actually push the other person away, but keep body contact and show that you appreciate the physical proximity, you should be fine.

 

1 hour ago, butterflydreams said:

Like I have to ask someone else for permission. "Is it ok to kiss someone who wants to kiss me?"

It is OK. I hereby grant you permission to kiss anyone who wants to kiss you, until you find a permanent partner with whom you negotiate other terms. Have fun!

[Philip027]

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My friend told me today that anything this girl wants to do, I should let her do. If she tries to touch me, I should let her. If she tries to kiss me, I should let her. Unless there's something I'm absolutely NOT ok with.

Ugh, no.  Gross.  Terrible advice, frankly.  You shouldn't have to go as far as "absolutely NOT OK" about something to be able to turn it down.  A relationship should be about both participants' enjoyment, not just one of them, otherwise that's unhealthy as fuck.  This friend probably is, as you say, trying to get you to get over your fears, but that doesn't mean doing a complete 180 and just taking a "let this person do whatever they want with me" approach is any healthier.

 

instead of all that, just talk about it before any of that ends up happening.  You can clarify that you're new to all this, you find it scary, you might not be comfortable with X things, but that it's not anything against them and to not take it personally.  If they cannot accept that, then they're probably just not a good match for you after all.

 

Nervousness with these sorts of things is natural, *everyone* has a first time sooner or later (unless they don't do it at all, of course).  But there's still such a thing as bodily integrity, and you have the right to not be a doormat.

[butterflydreams]

14 hours ago, Philip027 said:

Ugh, no.  Gross.  Terrible advice, frankly.  You shouldn't have to go as far as "absolutely NOT OK" about something to be able to turn it down.  A relationship should be about both participants' enjoyment, not just one of them, otherwise that's unhealthy as fuck.  This friend probably is, as you say, trying to get you to get over your fears, but that doesn't mean doing a complete 180 and just taking a "let this person do whatever they want with me" approach is any healthier.

 

instead of all that, just talk about it before any of that ends up happening.  You can clarify that you're new to all this, you find it scary, you might not be comfortable with X things, but that it's not anything against them and to not take it personally.  If they cannot accept that, then they're probably just not a good match for you after all.

 

Nervousness with these sorts of things is natural, *everyone* has a first time sooner or later (unless they don't do it at all, of course).  But there's still such a thing as bodily integrity, and you have the right to not be a doormat.

Yeah, I know. She meant well with her advice. It was really just trying to get me over my fears. She said not to say anything beforehand about being new to stuff. She was basically saying I should just “go with it” unless my boundaries were being crossed. 

 

Wouldn’t it not be very romantic to clarify everything beforehand? I don’t even know if she likes me that way yet. I almost certainly have to wait until she makes some kind of move and then discuss from there.

 

On the other hand, if she makes a move, I pretty much have to go through with it at that point. I can’t just put my hands up and say stop. It would totally kill the mood. Even my therapist didn’t think that was a good idea. So I have to know she likes me in that way first, but the only way to know that is if she makes a move. It’s a catch-22. Unless of course I want to risk it and say that I really like her, at the risk of her not feeling the same way. I’ve put myself out there like that too many times in the past. I just don’t want to do it again and get shot down, again.

[Kimmie.]

I just want to pop in and say awesome that you have finally meet someone. 

 

I can't add any tips at all about the other stuff do sorry.  More than you should not let anyone do something with you, that you are not comfortable with. 

[Philip027]

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Wouldn’t it not be very romantic to clarify everything beforehand?

TV and movies and media would probably have you thinking it isn't.  But you have to throw most of that shit out the window.  Kind of like staged porn, most of what you see on the screen is just not practical or reflective of how real relationships between real people actually work.  A lot of things in this department (not just sex) get glamourized to the point of setting up grandiose (false) expectations.

 

In reality, shit tends to be a lot more awkward, especially for "first time" things.  But really though, for some people, that's all part of the fun.  It's something just about everyone can potentially relate to, because like I said, everyone who's ever done something had to have a first time at some point, and in all likelihood, there's probably at least one such experience they probably had an embarrassing or awkward time with, even if they won't openly talk about it.  First time sex, in particular, is something that often gets very hyped up for some reason.  Losing one's virginity tends to be anticipated to be this big overblown moment.  In reality, it seemingly has a pretty good chance of being awkward as fuck, possibly (sexually) unsatisfying, maybe one or both of you just won't be able to stop laughing, etc.  Might not seem "romantic", but to some people that sort of thing actually IS.  Sometimes, things going absolutely to shit and still being able to have a laugh about it with your partner IS considered a romantic thing in and of itself.

 

Anyway, you don't necessarily have to bring it up right now if you don't even know if she likes you back.  But once you do have some indication that she does, I think this is all worth bringing up, in the same way it would probably be worthwhile it for asexuals to bring up their own status once the prospect of a sexual relationship comes up (to avoid the wasting of either person's time)

[Homer]

I guess I'll have to be that guy... my first kiss was awful we were both first timers and these things tend to take practice, too! So don't feel down if you feel like you might not have "done it right" the first time.

 

How do you know if you'll like it? By trying it if you want to!

 

Also, woop woop for meeting someone! That makes one happy elephant!

[butterflydreams]

6 hours ago, Philip027 said:

In reality, shit tends to be a lot more awkward, especially for "first time" things.  But really though, for some people, that's all part of the fun.  It's something just about everyone can potentially relate to, because like I said, everyone who's ever done something had to have a first time at some point, and in all likelihood, there's probably at least one such experience they probably had an embarrassing or awkward time with, even if they won't openly talk about it. 

She seems like a very respectful person. I doubt she's going to just surreptitiously kiss me. I think there would probably be warning, and even a "can I do this?" which would be the perfect time to say, "yes, but I'm scared. Can we talk about it?" That I wouldn't mind doing at all, if that's what you're advocating for.

 

6 hours ago, Philip027 said:

In reality, it seemingly has a pretty good chance of being awkward as fuck, possibly (sexually) unsatisfying, maybe one or both of you just won't be able to stop laughing, etc.

Lol, the first time I have sex, I'm probably going to be so nervous, I'd laugh like crazy, because that's what I do when I'm nervous.

 

6 hours ago, Philip027 said:

Anyway, you don't necessarily have to bring it up right now if you don't even know if she likes you back.  But once you do have some indication that she does, I think this is all worth bringing up, in the same way it would probably be worthwhile it for asexuals to bring up their own status once the prospect of a sexual relationship comes up (to avoid the wasting of either person's time)

That's fair. My friend is really convinced that she likes me. I've been duped in this exact kind of situation before. Met someone on a dating site. Thinking we both have the same thing in mind. We hit it off. But the person treats me like a friend the whole time. It's made me feel inherently non-romantic and non-sexual. I won't be bringing up anything about being asexual, because as far as I know, I'm just not a very sexual person. I don't know that I'm totally asexual or not. I'm willing to try to be with someone first, to figure things out.

 

5 hours ago, Homer said:

I guess I'll have to be that guy... my first kiss was awful we were both first timers and these things tend to take practice, too! So don't feel down if you feel like you might not have "done it right" the first time.

 

How do you know if you'll like it? By trying it if you want to!

 

Also, woop woop for meeting someone! That makes one happy elephant!

Hehe, thanks! I think I do want to try it. I'm so curious. What is kissing like? The only real life kissing I ever really saw was between my parents and my sister and her boyfriend. My parents always just looked super awkward and forced (are they both asexual and/or aromantic? it wouldn't surprise me). Seeing my sister kiss her boyfriend was kind of the same. I wouldn't say I was grossed out by it (this is when I was 18) but it looked strange to me. I didn't understand, and still kind of don't, why people kiss, and what the pleasure is in doing so.

[Homer]

1 minute ago, butterflydreams said:

What is kissing like?

Why are the most straightforward questions always the hardest to answer? I'm probably the wrong person to answer this anyway, for 328 different reasons. And even if I were, feelings don't translate well into words and it might also not just be different for everyone, but also with every person you kiss. (BTW I don't count a peck on the forehead or some such as kissing here; I don't use them in a romantic context)

[Ix Phoen]

7 hours ago, butterflydreams said:

 

Wouldn’t it not be very romantic to clarify everything beforehand? I don’t even know if she likes me that way yet. I almost certainly have to wait until she makes some kind of move and then discuss from there.

You can talk about all of this as a hypothetical, you know? Bring up "how people handle the physical part of relationships" as a topic of conversation. Get into the ethics of consent. Talk about this or that event on the news (or a friend's experiences) and ask what she thinks. You don't have to talk about it as it relates to the two of you in order to have that conversation and share your own perspective and ideas on how you would react to different scenarios. It also gives you a non-threatening way to reveal you're not experienced in relationships. 

 

As a benefit, if you have this conversation you can refer back to it when one or the other decides to make a move. "Remember what we talked about? I'd like to try kissing now... Want to experiment with me and see how it goes?" 

 

And congratulations on meeting someone! I hope your date is a lot of fun. 

[Telecaster68]

One way to think of kissing is like a conversation between each  other's mouths, asking questions and responding. Start soft, like gently stroking someone's neck or face. Tease and pull back for a moment. Use the tip of your tongue on their lips, not just plunging straight into their mouth. If you're not sure what you're doing, copy them - chances are she's giving you clues to what she'd like. Vary the intensity, build it up then pull it back down again. Use you fingertips on her face and neck. 

 

And admitting you're nervous and inexperienced is vulnerable and intimate and sexy, and she probably will be too and she'll know you're not about to jump on her, so she'll relax more. She might even enjoy 'teaching' you. And if you're laughing together, you're doing brilliantly. The whole Richard Gere expressionless sex machine thing is total bullshit. 

[butterflydreams]

32 minutes ago, Ix Phoen said:

You can talk about all of this as a hypothetical, you know? Bring up "how people handle the physical part of relationships" as a topic of conversation. Get into the ethics of consent. Talk about this or that event on the news (or a friend's experiences) and ask what she thinks. You don't have to talk about it as it relates to the two of you in order to have that conversation and share your own perspective and ideas on how you would react to different scenarios. It also gives you a non-threatening way to reveal you're not experienced in relationships. 

This is a really good idea. I hadn't thought of this at all. 

 

32 minutes ago, Ix Phoen said:

As a benefit, if you have this conversation you can refer back to it when one or the other decides to make a move. "Remember what we talked about? I'd like to try kissing now... Want to experiment with me and see how it goes?" 

I know for a fact I won't make the first move. Unless it's somehow painfully obvious that I should. 

 

33 minutes ago, Ix Phoen said:

And congratulations on meeting someone! I hope your date is a lot of fun. 

Thanks  we've already been out together once. Our work schedules do not line up at all so it's hard to get together, but so far we're making the most of it.

 

20 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

And admitting you're nervous and inexperienced is vulnerable and intimate and sexy

That's good. I'm certainly not afraid to admit that I'm nervous and inexperienced, if the proper time for it arises. I didn't really ever think it could be considered vulnerable, intimate and sexy. 

 

22 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

She might even enjoy 'teaching' you. And if you're laughing together, you're doing brilliantly.

Woot! I feel like this makes it seem more lighthearted and fun. Which I think it's supposed to be anyway.

 

Of course, all this said, it's possible absolutely nothing will happen. I'll have worked myself up for nothing. That's what my history leads me to believe will happen. It's just that my friend seems to think kissing is on the table here, when experience tells me to be far, far less certain of that.

[Snao Cone]

I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!! Ahem. Sorry.

 

What I can say would just repeat other sentiments already expressed here. Don't pretend anything. Listen to your internal voices. You're right that it's unlikely you'll experience fireworks, but you get a chance to connect closely to another person while also exploring new areas for yourself. It's going to stand out as an experience in any event, and we're here to get the juicy details help you make sense of things after.

[butterflydreams]

Well, date just happened, and...nothing happened.

 

I didn't really get any flirty signs or anything at all really. I mean it was fun to hang out I guess, but that's it. I have this "perpetual friend" story I feel like I just keep living over and over and over again. No matter how interested someone seems in me...I don't get to be a sexual/romantic being. Just an asexual/aromantic plant someone might choose to keep around because plants are fun to have around. Because that's the only way people ever see me. I feel like I'm forced to live this story I don't want.

 

My friend said I should give it at least one more try, so a third "date". I don't even think these are really dates. Just friend meetups. I guess it couldn't hurt to try one more time. 

 

But mostly I'm just sitting here in tears because I don't see the point in continuing to try. 

[butterflydreams]

Wild turn of events...will update tomorrow...

[butterflydreams]

Ok, so after she left, I sent her a text thanking her for stopping by. I got kind of a weird reply that included something about "missing human cuddles". My friend said this was definitely a flirt. I initially missed it but managed to bring the conversation back around to it by saying that I liked human cuddles too. We talked for a bit and I said I'd never had human cuddles before. She said "well we have to fix that....with me, if you want to." I said that I would've suggested it while we were watching the movie, but that I was shy. She said she thought about it too, but wasn't sure if I wanted it and didn't want to push it. She really wants to know more about me, even though I'm shy and quiet. So we were like two ships passing in the dark.

 

So, that's a positive! She then texted me today inviting me over to her place this afternoon with another flirt about cuddling. I'm going to go. I'm super nervous, but we'll see how it goes.

 

That's my wild update.

[Snao Cone]

That's a great update!

 

I think that generally in new territory like this it's a common tendency to get wrapped up in self-conscious overthinking things, and assuming that the other person knows how to navigate everything while we don't. I was always like that back when I was dating and whatnot. I waited a long time to bother trying, I did so infrequently, and I wasn't even looking forward to having a relationship. I was too concerned with getting things "right" and showing that I was competent at dating, even though I didn't really want anything from it.

 

In your case, you do want something from this, so overcoming this intrusive thought of "am I doing this right" is important. I'm glad you got some of your worries out in the open, so she understands things better. 

[Bloc]

That's awesome to read. To be honest I shed some tears of joy for you. Why I am such emotional at the moment? And I realized the tissues I am using at the moment are in a pack with unicorns in bi pride colors.

 

She seems like a person you can share your insecurities with. However you decide what you are comfortable sharing. And she cares about your boundaries. I wish you a fun date and if you like them a lot of cuddles. This sounds a bit like me dating with my current partner. Just that it went slower. We started cuddling after a about three months of dating and kissing after about four, after he asked me. I wanted to bring it up before, but I was too shy and anxious and didn't know how to ask.

[Telecaster68]

1 hour ago, butterflydreams said:

Ok, so after she left, I sent her a text thanking her for stopping by. I got kind of a weird reply that included something about "missing human cuddles". My friend said this was definitely a flirt. I initially missed it but managed to bring the conversation back around to it by saying that I liked human cuddles too. We talked for a bit and I said I'd never had human cuddles before. She said "well we have to fix that....with me, if you want to." I said that I would've suggested it while we were watching the movie, but that I was shy. She said she thought about it too, but wasn't sure if I wanted it and didn't want to push it. She really wants to know more about me, even though I'm shy and quiet. So we were like two ships passing in the dark.

 

So, that's a positive! She then texted me today inviting me over to her place this afternoon with another flirt about cuddling. I'm going to go. I'm super nervous, but we'll see how it goes.

 

That's my wild update.

That's great. So now you both know that if you feel like cuddling the other one, it'll be fine, and you both know you're nervous and tentative and that's fine too. She sounds like she's a bit more confident than you, so chances are that even if she doesn't exactly lead, she may well create an opening for you to go down if you want. Ane then you're still going to have to take a deep breath and do the scary thing - but you know now it'll be be okay. 

[Guest]

2 hours ago, butterflydreams said:

Ok, so after she left, I sent her a text thanking her for stopping by. I got kind of a weird reply that included something about "missing human cuddles". My friend said this was definitely a flirt. I initially missed it but managed to bring the conversation back around to it by saying that I liked human cuddles too. We talked for a bit and I said I'd never had human cuddles before. She said "well we have to fix that....with me, if you want to." I said that I would've suggested it while we were watching the movie, but that I was shy. She said she thought about it too, but wasn't sure if I wanted it and didn't want to push it. She really wants to know more about me, even though I'm shy and quiet. So we were like two ships passing in the dark.

 

So, that's a positive! She then texted me today inviting me over to her place this afternoon with another flirt about cuddling. I'm going to go. I'm super nervous, but we'll see how it goes.

 

That's my wild update.

YAY!

 

And I wouldn't worry too much about things moving slow. When I dated someone from OKcupid, he didn't even attempt to touch me until either 1) I offered a hug on the 2nd date and 2) He asked if he could kiss me on the third date.

 

People are actually rather respectful, especially if you're not sending obvious signals you want the contact. All that wild hook up lets have sex/make out on first date thing is two people mutually communicating that usually. If you're shy and holding back, people who are not jerks are going to hold back too, cause they don't want to make you uncomfortable and then things will progress slower. 

 

When I met my partner, we didn't even touch for the first day. Second day I told them they didn't have to jerk away every time they accidentally made skin contact. Hugs and such weren't going on til third or fourth day. And this was a week of spending time together in the same apartment, after being in an online relationship for months. 

 

Just explain you're nervous cause you're shy and inexperienced, which you seem to already be doing. That way she knows there is interest, you're just not comfortable making moves. And I hope the cuddling goes well!  If it progresses to kissing or anything, remember you can say no if you ever feel uncomfortable. But, it's normal to be nervous and unsure first time you kiss and don't worry if you don't know what to do ... it'll be awkward but expected that the firsts aren't perfectly in sync. You should get the hang of it fast. 

[Philip027]

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Ok, so after she left, I sent her a text thanking her for stopping by. I got kind of a weird reply that included something about "missing human cuddles". My friend said this was definitely a flirt. I initially missed it but managed to bring the conversation back around to it by saying that I liked human cuddles too. We talked for a bit and I said I'd never had human cuddles before. She said "well we have to fix that....with me, if you want to." I said that I would've suggested it while we were watching the movie, but that I was shy. She said she thought about it too, but wasn't sure if I wanted it and didn't want to push it. She really wants to know more about me, even though I'm shy and quiet. So we were like two ships passing in the dark.

Good sign  d(`-`d)

 

This is pretty much exactly what I meant by talking it out beforehand.  You were worried about this not seeming romantic, but from where I'm sitting, it sure looks like it