Asexual or Graysexual?

[Jasmin AV-HA-GF]

Hi, I have no idea if I'm grace or ace. I really don't wanna have sex ever in my life, but this conclusion changes sometimes...Sometimes I have a really weird feeling...I can't really describe it without sounding like awkward....but I'll try. It's something like a tickling feeling? Idk, I'm sorry. I sometimes have sexual thoughts like "what would it be like having ever sex with someone I really like?" But then I think to myself "dude, that's gross, why u thinkin' 'bout that?" It makes me very uncomfortable thinking about it but rarely I like it? (I'm sorry if I came off as rude when I said "gross") I've seen so many websites saying "Yeah, asexuals don't experience sexual attractions at all" so I was never sure. And what if I say "I'm ace" and then I find someone I really like and want to have sex all of a sudden? What now? Am I a liar? I also can't tell from experience from a relationship or smth because I never had a boyfriend before. I also don't want to have sex (whether if I'm ace or not) before marriage. I have no idea what to think of myself. And when I tell myself "Yeah, you're totally ace" then I don't feel really comfortable with this, but that doesn't mean that I'm not asexual, because many people are uncomfortable with being queer. Also, this brings me to another question: Are Graysexuals not "queer" enough?

 

I'm sorry if any of these sound rude. I don't mean to be hurtful or smth

Thanks a lot <3

[TheAP]

Asexuals can have sexual thoughts and be curious about sex. We just don't actually desire sex. Try not to worry about whether your feelings will change over time. If that happens, it's perfectly fine to change your identity.

[GloriaA]

You remind me of my previous self. I personally think that you should not worry much about labels, you're not a liar if after having other experiences you understand yourself better and you identify with another orientation. If one day you will find yourself attracted sexually to someone and you'll feel comfortable with exploring that side of a relationship, go for it.

Also (forgive me if I mess up with some terminology here) experiencing sexual attraction and having a libido are actually two very different things. You can have a libido and masturbate (or not) and still don't want to have sex or feel sexually attracted to someone.

Since I struggled a bit with very similar thoughts in the past, I just want to add something that helped me along the way: sexual orientation is not a competition. You're not a liar or you aren't “queer enough”. You just need to figure what you want and yourself out. It can be a journey of a lifetime. Try to live it without pressuring yourself to meet certain standard and concentrate with being happy with yourself

[Atrytone]

I think it's important to remember than orientations are fluid. They can change over time and it's nothing to be alarmed about if they do. Because of this I generally refer to my romantic orientation as 'a shrug' despite the fact that I'm currently in a heteroromantic relationship. I do call myself ace and I can't really imagine what sexual attraction feels like but if I woke up tomorrow and suddenly experienced it it wouldn't change who I am as a person. I might stop calling myself ace or I might not. But it's nothing to stress over since it just is what it is.

Furthermore, as has been noted, sexual attraction and libido are separate entities. I'd also like to mention that a venn diagram of asexuality and celibacy is not a perfect circle. Some people who are celibate are asexual and some aren't - and it goes both ways; some asexuals are celibate and some aren't. There are a number of reasons for people to engage in sexual activities that don't make them any less ace.

As long as you are safe, healthy, and happy that's all that matters at the end of the day.

[Claire1983]

@Jasmin McPines I can understand how you feel.  I'm freaking out about the idea of all my queer friends hating me if I suddenly realize I had to right the first time and I'm just a repressed straight person after all.