Jump to content

Opinions on changing to a neutral name and how to go about it?


arden_jay

Recommended Posts

I started identifying as nonbinary in the past six months, and it has been one of the best things I've done for myself, but one of the first hints I had was the fact that I was really starting to dislike the sound and use of my birth name. I recently began thinking about how to change that, and while my parents, particularly my mum, are very supportive of my decision to identify as neutral, I'm kind of nervous about talking to them about changing my name entirely. I am an adult, so really the decision is my own, but they would also have to pay for the forms because I currently have no income, so they would have to be part of the process. I'm just really looking for some advice about how to talk about it to them.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Tell them it would be the best thing for your emotional wellbeing? It's only a name and if they're understanding parents then they should actively want to help you feel as comfortable as possible. And maybe talk to your mum about it first if your dad is likely to be less 'cool' about it, then you could both talk to him together once you have your mum on your side?

 

Good luck :cake:

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don’t know how your parents are exactly but if they bring up reasons not to, well that could just parents being truly worried about you and not some denial about you being nb. My mom said all sorts of things that sounded like she was in denial or something like she was telling me reasons not to be trans but she was just worried about me (as in, how will affect my life. Will I be safe if there’s some transphobic people out there.) so don’t get discouraged. 

I’ve mentioned causally to my dad I want to change my name and he said he’d support me (financially and otherwise). (My exact words were “How would you feel if I changed my name legally?”) I’ve been too nervous to talk to my mom (but I also wanna wait until I finish various applications so that nothing gets lost or mixed up because I changed my name part way through the process). 

 

If theyre accepting of you being nb then there’s a higher probability that they’d support a name change. 

 

Good luck!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Cool. I think I should be able to talk to them, but are there things I should consider/know before actually changing my name? (I'm in Australia, if that helps.)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I’m in the US and I’m not sure how (dis)similar the processes are (plus I haven’t gone throught with a name change myself). 

 

I guess just make sure you like the name. Consider if you wanna change your middle name or not (I kind of forgot about mine but realized my given middle name didn’t sound great with my new chosen name) (tbh, I’m gonna miss my given middle name).

 

And I’ve researched the process for the US and it sounds like it can take awhile, so have patience. 

 

I can’t think of anything else though. It seems pretty staightforward. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
InfiniteNull

I am not sure on the legal side... but on the social side I'd say de-couple the financing from the coming-out part. 

 

Start just with the goal of letting them know that you are going to change your name. Not asking for their permission, but informing them that it's something you're going to do and that you'd appreciate it if they support you in the change. Explain that it's important to you and that you're going to do it either way. 

 

Then if they react positively, ask if they'll help you pay for it... If they react negatively, you might as well skip asking for the money. What you don't want to do is give their reaction the power to deny you this important transition in your life. Come up with a backup plan on how to get the money. In the US it's not that expensive to do, and really is just more time-consuming because you have to post it in the paper for a certain amount of weeks before going to court... it might be more or less expensive in Australia but I'm not sure. 

 

Also, I'd say research what all it takes online. Find out all of the steps and all of the costs. This way when you ask for money you can explain from a point of confidence and knowledge how much help you need. If your parents see that you really know what you're doing it'll help them feel more confident that you know what you're doing and are doing the right thing.

 

Good luck! I hope to be doing the same thing within the next year (although I'll be funding it myself) so I am rooting for you ♥

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

So the good thing is that I talked about it to my mum last night and she's happy for me to do it as long as I wait a while to make sure I'm completely sure and so that I can build up some funds myself. ^_^

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Sergeant_Turtle said:

So the good thing is that I talked about it to my mum last night and she's happy for me to do it as long as I wait a while to make sure I'm completely sure and so that I can build up some funds myself. ^_^

That’s great! 

 

And just a thought if it hasn’t crossed your mind yet. Don’t forget about your middle name! I did that for awhile and realized I didn’t like how it sounded with my chosen name so I picked a new one. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

My middle name is pretty easy to change to neutral, all I have to do is swap a letter, and I've basically chosen a new name already because I was so excited that I would get the chance eventually. :D

Link to post
Share on other sites
InfiniteNull
2 hours ago, Sergeant_Turtle said:

So the good thing is that I talked about it to my mum last night and she's happy for me to do it as long as I wait a while to make sure I'm completely sure and so that I can build up some funds myself. ^_^

Congrats!!!! ♥♥♥

Link to post
Share on other sites

Should I get opinions on what I want to change it to, or should I keep it as a surprise?

Link to post
Share on other sites

It might be a good idea to try it out a little first. Buuuut, don’t let anyone try to dissuade you from it if you’re really set on it, it’s your name. 

 

This almost happened to me. Someone didn’t fullly ike my name but I decided I liked it and didn’t change it and I’m glad I kept it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, I chose it because it has a good meaning as well as being a secretive literary reference to my favourite playwright, so...

 

Also it means I can keep my initials, which I have been using as a neutral nickname for a while.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I wish I could’ve kept my intials. I kid you not, they were MLK. I’m actually going to miss that.

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm probably missing a reference here - what is the significance of MLK?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Martin Luther King

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ah, okay.

Link to post
Share on other sites
InfiniteNull

If you've already picked the name and socialized with the name IRL and it feels like you... then stick with it. 

 

If you're still thinking about it and would like some feedback, a supportive mother could be a good person to help :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I really only go by my nickname in public, but my friends are really supportive, so I'm sure they'd have no problem with it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Turns out my friends really love the name I chose, so I'm going to stick with it and start saving up when I can. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

MY MUM REALLY LOVES IT TOO SHE USED IT THIS MORNING WHEN I LEFT FOR UNI AND I DID A LIL HAPPY DANCE UP THE STAIRS :D

Link to post
Share on other sites
InfiniteNull
1 hour ago, Sergeant_Turtle said:

MY MUM REALLY LOVES IT TOO SHE USED IT THIS MORNING WHEN I LEFT FOR UNI AND I DID A LIL HAPPY DANCE UP THE STAIRS :D

♥ validation from mom! that's like totally the best... 

 

I have a super open-minded, super supportive mom... and even she tends to fail to be validating like that. I am very happy for you and maybe a little jealous :P 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Neutral nerd

I may change my name at some point, it's really feminine and common (Sophia) and I identify as gender neutral. Funny thing is my eng teacher made our class write an essay on what we thought of our names, i wrote about the problems with such a... well, normal name. I'm used to going by Sophia but i definitely think another name would fit me better. I've tried looking it up but the interweb can be a pain at times. So how exactly would a 15-year-old go about changing their first and middle names, not just their last?  

 

I have a first name in mind (Kel) but didn't think about a middle name. The best I can think of right now is Drake. Any ideas?

 

sorry if this is kinda random 0m0

Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, Neutral nerd said:

I may change my name at some point, it's really feminine and common (Sophia) and I identify as gender neutral. [...] I'm used to going by Sophia but i definitely think another name would fit me better. I've tried looking it up but the interweb can be a pain at times. So how exactly would a 15-year-old go about changing their first and middle names, not just their last?  

 

I have a first name in mind (Kel) but didn't think about a middle name. The best I can think of right now is Drake. Any ideas?

Well, it would depend on where you live, but I would suggest looking up the legislation for this kind of thing (just search "name change _________(state)"). As for a name, I went through the list of unisex names on www.behindthename.com and looked for ones that had meanings I liked. I wrote all of them down and then started pairing them together to figure out what sounded good. For me it was a bit easier because I wanted to keep my initials (I use them as a nickname), and I found a middle name which is basically almost the same as my original one, so I could focus on a nice-sounding first name. If you don't want to keep your initials, then it'll take a little bit longer, but I would suggest doing this as a starting point. You can also search by meaning on behindthename, so if there's a particular meaning you'd like, then you can do that too. Just set it to bring up unisex and you'll hopefully get a few names there. They have quite an extensive list.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Neutral nerd

Holy crap, I just think I found the perfect name OvO

ENFYS

Masc and fem 

Means "rainbow" in Welsh.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ooh, that's cool.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...