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Is there something wrong with me?


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NickyTannock

I've known that I was Asexual since I was a teenager because I've never wanted Sex, and I don't get aroused by sexual imagery.
But I've never thought there was anything wrong with me.
I do now though.
After joining AVEN, I've learned that there are many Asexuals who do get aroused by such things.
Some of them post new topics asking if this means they aren't Asexual.
Only to be told that, since they're just Asexual if they don't want Sex, it's still normal for an Asexual to feel arousal from a sexual image or the idea of having sex.
But if it's normal for Asexuals to experience such arousal, then maybe there is something wrong with me after all, because I don't.
And this scares me, for the first time, when it probably should have scared me from the beginning.
I don't think I'm Sex-repulsed, so what is it? Why don't I feel, anything, like that?
I feel stupid just asking these questions.

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NickyTannock
15 minutes ago, OptimisticPessimist said:

There's nothing wrong with you. Some Asexual's do experience arousal and some don''t experience any arousal at all. 

I figured as much. But if seemingly all Sexuals experience arousal, and some Asexuals do as well, doesn't that mean there is something?

 

I hope that question doesn't come off as argumentative, or an insinuation that there is something wrong with other Asexuals who don't experience arousal either.

Edited by MichaelTannock
I realised my question could come off as rude.
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There's nothing wrong with you. I don't really feel arousal either. It's called being a non-libidoist, and there are others on here.

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Asexuality is just a lack of sexual attraction. If you have a libido or not, it doesn’t affect your asexuality, and it doesn’t make you broken. It means you don’t have a libido. Consider yourself lucky though, a libido without sexual attraction is useless, and annoying to have to deal with. 

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23 minutes ago, Lichley said:

Consider yourself lucky though, a libido without sexual attraction is useless, and annoying to have to deal with. 

Well, not for me. The morning orgasm and cup of coffee has been a regular part of my life for the last 45 years. The coffee hasn't changed. If I have anything to complain about is that the former isn't what it used to be. That's what is annoying to me. OK. Maybe my libido is useless but so were my wisdom teeth. I'm glad to still have my libido though - or at least what remains of it.

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NickyTannock

@OptimisticPessimist

I mean if it's normal for both Sexuals and Asexuals to feel arousal, then not feeling arousal must be something that's in addition to being Asexual.
I believe TheAP answered that for me though, I'd never heard of a non-libidoist before, and I think that would be it.

I also now accept that not having a libido is normal, since that's what everyone here is telling me.

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1 hour ago, MichaelTannock said:

I figured as much. But if seemingly all Sexuals experience arousal, and some Asexuals do as well, doesn't that mean there is something?

 

I hope that question doesn't come off as argumentative, or an insinuation that there is something wrong with other Asexuals who don't experience arousal either.

I’ve heard even some sexuals don’t experience it, besides, it’s nothing to worry about as it doesn’t cause any problems.

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Thanks for posing this. I think it's where I'm stuck as well. My libido is definitely low and I've looked to raise it in various ways to produce better orgasms alone, but even if I were to improve it, I doubt it would change my wanting to "aim" it at a peson. I always just deal with it alone. I still want to improve my libido even if I can't change the Asexual piece. I still haven't fully embraced the term tho...its been hard for me

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16 hours ago, Lichley said:

Asexuality is just a lack of sexual attraction. If you have a libido or not, it doesn’t affect your asexuality, and it doesn’t make you broken. It means you don’t have a libido. Consider yourself lucky though, a libido without sexual attraction is useless, and annoying to have to deal with. 

For me, people have told me that I don't have to have some kind of 'libido" or don't have to be in a relationship, but it seems most of everyone (besides like a few of my friends) that I know seem to be in a relationship or one of the students in my team (my school goes by teams) when she finds another "other" I don't see her at all whatsoever and I'm like "gee, wish I could hang out with friends but I never see them 'cause their hanging out with their 'other' "

 

And sometimes it bothers me that I'm ace/aro because I tend to be alone a lot and I'd be sitting there with the third wheel moment stuck in my head etc etc...

 

But then I get conflicted because I'd rather be ace/aro because then I could hang out with friends that relate so I don't have to feel like I'm in the 3rd wheel moment.

 

There are other things...it's just that I'm not sure how to explain them.

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6 hours ago, Tiggidou said:

For me, people have told me that I don't have to have some kind of 'libido" or don't have to be in a relationship, but it seems most of everyone (besides like a few of my friends) that I know seem to be in a relationship or one of the students in my team (my school goes by teams) when she finds another "other" I don't see her at all whatsoever and I'm like "gee, wish I could hang out with friends but I never see them 'cause their hanging out with their 'other' "

 

And sometimes it bothers me that I'm ace/aro because I tend to be alone a lot and I'd be sitting there with the third wheel moment stuck in my head etc etc...

 

But then I get conflicted because I'd rather be ace/aro because then I could hang out with friends that relate so I don't have to feel like I'm in the 3rd wheel moment.

 

There are other things...it's just that I'm not sure how to explain them.

You could always have a QPR (Queer Platonic Relationship) with another aro ace. It’s like getting a platonic life partner, no sex or romance, but all the joy of spending time with someone you care deeply about. Plus you then have an “other” of your own, so people stop bothering you about finding a partner. 

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