Am I A Graysexual?

[donttalktomexc]

I'm really not sure if I'm really asexual or I'm just a late bloomer.

 

I'm a 16 year old, female virgin and I have yet to be sexually aroused by anyone. I don't find girls or guys sexually arousing, albeit maybe super rare occasions. That being said, I do think I have some sexual desire. It's very emotional though. I like the idea of having sex with a guy and when I am aroused, be it because of a fetish or just by random, I do have that sort of 'put a dick in me' feeling that a lot of girls describe as having. However, despite finding the occasional fantasy of grinding or kissing someone passionately intriguing, it never translated physically. I've had a total of two erotic dreams in my life so far and neither experience excited me physically. My attraction is very much sensual, if you will. I love looking at attractive people but it's very aesthetic. I've had a boyfriend before and even though I was never aroused by him, I did have desires for him to touch me, like cuddling, pecking etc. (I do remember wanting him to touch my boobs. It was a thought that excited me emotionally but not sexually). He's the only person I met that I ever felt this way about, which was surprising.

 

I want to experience sex one day but only for sensual/emotional reasons. It has nothing to do with arousal, which worries me at times. I tried masturbating but it's really not doing it for me. It feels like I'm touching an arm. My bits definitely work, seeing how I have fetishes and am aroused by certain scenarios that don't necessarily involve me. I've been using the term grey asexual for a while but I'm beginning to wonder if I even fit the definition anymore?

 

I'm also really concerned about how this is going to effect my love life in the future. I don't mind the idea of having sex for my partner but I'm worried that I won't find someone who'll accept me and this depresses me. I'm a highly romantic person and I want to share my life with someone someday. I talked to my mom about it and she told me that she finds sex repulsing unless she's doing it herself and how she didn't even think about it until she lost her virginity. She sounded pretty demi, dunno. Maybe I'm wired the same way since my dad wasn't remotely sexual until his mid teens as well.

 

Dunno, any thoughts?